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Thread: NC during my vacation,should I contact him now that I'm back?

  1. #1
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    NC during my vacation,should I contact him now that I'm back?

    I was seeing a guy for 6 weeks before I went on a holiday overseas. Everything was good, regular contact, regular dates, not a relationship yet.
    However during my 2 weeks holiday, he didn't text me at all. I was really surprised because it was so out of his character. During the 2 weeks I texted him once and he didn't reply either.
    Now I'm back. Should I let him know that? Just a text saying " hey i'm back" and leave the ball at his court?
    Although I really think hes ghosting me and I really shouldn't be bothered?
    Last edited by h0000; 02-01-2019 at 08:39 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Maybe he's ghosting, maybe not.

    If you can handle the former—like, if you know you can just shrug off a lack of response—then go ahead and reach out. "Hey, back in town. Hope you've been well—would be fun to catch up."

    If he responds, engages, makes a plan—cool. If not—equally cool. Just a dude not worth your time.

  3. #3
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    And if he responds, engages and plans a date, should I just forget about him not contacting me for 2 weeks? And the unanswered message?
    And if I can't handle the lack of response, I should not reach out because he is definately ghosting me?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I mean, I don’t know the details here. And don’t know what you’re cool with vs being “cool” with.

    Sounds like you guys were kind of hanging, kind of dating. Maybe sleeping together but keeping it all “chill.”

    That kind of close?

    Anyhow, did you talk about staying in touch while you were away? Did you reach out early on your trip or late?

    Thing about keeping things super chill and causal is, well, people fade in and out. If he engages and makes a date you can bring up not talking—or not. It’s up to you.

    What do you want here, anyhow? To keep hanging? To get more serious?

    If the unanswered message is too annoying then there’s no reason at all to reach out. Because you’re just contacting someone you’re pissed at, instead of into. Where’s that get anyone?

    And if you can handle the lack of response you make no assumptions about him. You know you, your limits, and don’t feel like going outside of them.

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  6. #5
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    Well we are dating, yes had sex. We arent super chill and casual. He even said hes not seeing anyone else. And I said me too.

    Yes we talked about keeping contact, talked about things to do after my holidays also. That's why I didn't think he'd ghost me. I reached out pretty early on my trip, 4th day I think.does it make a difference?
    But I can't explain the unanswered text and the NC for 2 whole weeks, other than he's disappearing.

    I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into here. Should I be pissed at the NC?
    I like him and want to be mor series, I don't want to give him a chance to play me. And I think if he doesn't contact me, he probably doesn't want me to text him either? I don't want to look desperate
    Last edited by h0000; 02-01-2019 at 10:14 PM.

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    Look, if you want to continue seeing the guy, and if you want to put your fears to rest, shoot off a text or call. No response? Dang. After six weeks of semi-serious dating, it's rather unfortunate a two-week vacation had him running away, but at least you tried and at least you put your mind to rest. It hurts, and you'll have to work through that, but if a guy disappears because you aren't 100% available 24-7, he probably isn't a keeper.

    You make it very clear that after 6 weeks, it's not a relationship yet. Then what exactly is it? It sounds like a relationship to me, and worthy of a little bit of contact. Do you take this seriously, or is it just a space-filler?

    You left for vacation. Me, personally, and I think a lot of folks here at ENA, would probably refrain from texting the person on vacation or a business trip because you have things to do and and obligations, and they don't want to be a bother or a burden, let alone clingy. I mean, even with my sister or my best friend, knowing they have to get where they're going, settle in, decompress, meet people, do their thing, and their attention is divided, and they're probably tired, maybe stressed and harried, jet-lag, I'm not going to bug them. I would expect them to contact me when they're settled, rested, fed, and have some undivided attention. I could certainly shoot off a text at some point asking how their trip is going, but I think that you carried a burden, and probably a bigger burden, to reach out to him since you were the one with the busier schedule and stress, activities, and obligations...and this relationship is fairly new and requires a bit more nurturing. You finally got around to texting him four days later. Is he wounded that you waited so long? With an unresponded text, you didn't text him again, so now 10 more days have gone by? You're not texting him, yet you're resentful he's not texting you.

    Again, if you want to see where this goes, reach out. If a 2 week vacation results in a drop and run, then he's just not worth it. Spend less time resenting his noncommunication since you didn't communicate either.

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    6 weeks you can say we are dating, exclusively. Would you be pissed if your girl takes 4 days to text you? I don't think so. I don't think he was either.
    And if he was waiting for me to contact him, why didn't he reply when I did contact him?
    I think he wanted out, and was waiting for my holiday as an opportunity to ghost me. He probably thinks this is better than drop the bomb before my holiday. And he was extra nice to me the night before I took off, said we would go try the new restrount after I got back, all these probably just wanted me to enjoy my last night with him? Im pretty deflated at the moment to be honest. He didn't text me to ask me how the trip was, he ignored my text, also he didn't offer to pick me up from the airport.
    Last edited by h0000; 02-02-2019 at 04:43 AM.

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    Also I wanna add he made sure I took my things out of his place before i left. He says just in case I need it for my trip. But probably really because he planned to not see me anymore.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you want to continue dating him send a text that you are back And suggest getting together. Then you'll have your answer whether he ghosted you or is still interested. Just "hey I'm back" is too lame.
    Originally Posted by h0000
    I was seeing a guy for 6 weeks before I went on a holiday overseas. Just a text saying " hey i'm back"

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    Also I wanna add he made sure I took my things out of his place before i left. He says just in case I need it for my trip. But probably really because he planned to not see me anymore.
    I think you found your answer there, unless it was just your bathing suit. I have a similar story just like this. Started dating a girl back in October, 3 very good dates - told me she was off the dating site, so I did as well and we were off and exclusively dating. She took a part time job, filling her week days and weekends. We went from a regular dating schedule to not seeing each other for 2 weeks. Then the long hours got to be too much so she quit, we got back into a semi regular dating schedule but she was still pretty time constrained. The she went away over the holidays for a month. We texted here and there. Then the day before she got back I texted about her coming home the following day, she abruptly tells me she extended the trip by another 2.5 weeks.

    "oh really"? I politely told her she clearly didn't have time for a relationship and wished her the best - and she didn't, of the time we had been dating she had been AWOL for 50% of it. No budding relationship is going to spawn with that. I dont need (or want) someone around 24/7, but going weeks, months, 3-4 days at a time without seeing them is a no-go for this guy.

    Oh back to the point, she only had her bathing suit here for the pool, which she took with her because she was headed to the Caribbean.

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