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NC during my vacation,should I contact him now that I'm back?


h0000

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I was seeing a guy for 6 weeks before I went on a holiday overseas. Everything was good, regular contact, regular dates, not a relationship yet.

However during my 2 weeks holiday, he didn't text me at all. I was really surprised because it was so out of his character. During the 2 weeks I texted him once and he didn't reply either.

Now I'm back. Should I let him know that? Just a text saying " hey i'm back" and leave the ball at his court?

Although I really think hes ghosting me and I really shouldn't be bothered?

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Maybe he's ghosting, maybe not.

 

If you can handle the former—like, if you know you can just shrug off a lack of response—then go ahead and reach out. "Hey, back in town. Hope you've been well—would be fun to catch up."

 

If he responds, engages, makes a plan—cool. If not—equally cool. Just a dude not worth your time.

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And if he responds, engages and plans a date, should I just forget about him not contacting me for 2 weeks? And the unanswered message?

And if I can't handle the lack of response, I should not reach out because he is definately ghosting me?

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I mean, I don’t know the details here. And don’t know what you’re cool with vs being “cool” with.

 

Sounds like you guys were kind of hanging, kind of dating. Maybe sleeping together but keeping it all “chill.”

 

That kind of close?

 

Anyhow, did you talk about staying in touch while you were away? Did you reach out early on your trip or late?

 

Thing about keeping things super chill and causal is, well, people fade in and out. If he engages and makes a date you can bring up not talking—or not. It’s up to you.

 

What do you want here, anyhow? To keep hanging? To get more serious?

 

If the unanswered message is too annoying then there’s no reason at all to reach out. Because you’re just contacting someone you’re pissed at, instead of into. Where’s that get anyone?

 

And if you can handle the lack of response you make no assumptions about him. You know you, your limits, and don’t feel like going outside of them.

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Well we are dating, yes had sex. We arent super chill and casual. He even said hes not seeing anyone else. And I said me too.

 

Yes we talked about keeping contact, talked about things to do after my holidays also. That's why I didn't think he'd ghost me. I reached out pretty early on my trip, 4th day I think.does it make a difference?

But I can't explain the unanswered text and the NC for 2 whole weeks, other than he's disappearing.

 

I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into here. Should I be pissed at the NC?

I like him and want to be mor series, I don't want to give him a chance to play me. And I think if he doesn't contact me, he probably doesn't want me to text him either? I don't want to look desperate

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Look, if you want to continue seeing the guy, and if you want to put your fears to rest, shoot off a text or call. No response? Dang. After six weeks of semi-serious dating, it's rather unfortunate a two-week vacation had him running away, but at least you tried and at least you put your mind to rest. It hurts, and you'll have to work through that, but if a guy disappears because you aren't 100% available 24-7, he probably isn't a keeper.

 

You make it very clear that after 6 weeks, it's not a relationship yet. Then what exactly is it? It sounds like a relationship to me, and worthy of a little bit of contact. Do you take this seriously, or is it just a space-filler?

 

You left for vacation. Me, personally, and I think a lot of folks here at ENA, would probably refrain from texting the person on vacation or a business trip because you have things to do and and obligations, and they don't want to be a bother or a burden, let alone clingy. I mean, even with my sister or my best friend, knowing they have to get where they're going, settle in, decompress, meet people, do their thing, and their attention is divided, and they're probably tired, maybe stressed and harried, jet-lag, I'm not going to bug them. I would expect them to contact me when they're settled, rested, fed, and have some undivided attention. I could certainly shoot off a text at some point asking how their trip is going, but I think that you carried a burden, and probably a bigger burden, to reach out to him since you were the one with the busier schedule and stress, activities, and obligations...and this relationship is fairly new and requires a bit more nurturing. You finally got around to texting him four days later. Is he wounded that you waited so long? With an unresponded text, you didn't text him again, so now 10 more days have gone by? You're not texting him, yet you're resentful he's not texting you.

 

Again, if you want to see where this goes, reach out. If a 2 week vacation results in a drop and run, then he's just not worth it. Spend less time resenting his noncommunication since you didn't communicate either.

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6 weeks you can say we are dating, exclusively. Would you be pissed if your girl takes 4 days to text you? I don't think so. I don't think he was either.

And if he was waiting for me to contact him, why didn't he reply when I did contact him?

I think he wanted out, and was waiting for my holiday as an opportunity to ghost me. He probably thinks this is better than drop the bomb before my holiday. And he was extra nice to me the night before I took off, said we would go try the new restrount after I got back, all these probably just wanted me to enjoy my last night with him? Im pretty deflated at the moment to be honest. He didn't text me to ask me how the trip was, he ignored my text, also he didn't offer to pick me up from the airport.

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If you want to continue dating him send a text that you are back And suggest getting together. Then you'll have your answer whether he ghosted you or is still interested. Just "hey I'm back" is too lame.

I was seeing a guy for 6 weeks before I went on a holiday overseas. Just a text saying " hey i'm back"
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Also I wanna add he made sure I took my things out of his place before i left. He says just in case I need it for my trip. But probably really because he planned to not see me anymore.

 

I think you found your answer there, unless it was just your bathing suit. I have a similar story just like this. Started dating a girl back in October, 3 very good dates - told me she was off the dating site, so I did as well and we were off and exclusively dating. She took a part time job, filling her week days and weekends. We went from a regular dating schedule to not seeing each other for 2 weeks. Then the long hours got to be too much so she quit, we got back into a semi regular dating schedule but she was still pretty time constrained. The she went away over the holidays for a month. We texted here and there. Then the day before she got back I texted about her coming home the following day, she abruptly tells me she extended the trip by another 2.5 weeks.

 

"oh really"? I politely told her she clearly didn't have time for a relationship and wished her the best - and she didn't, of the time we had been dating she had been AWOL for 50% of it. No budding relationship is going to spawn with that. I dont need (or want) someone around 24/7, but going weeks, months, 3-4 days at a time without seeing them is a no-go for this guy.

 

Oh back to the point, she only had her bathing suit here for the pool, which she took with her because she was headed to the Caribbean.

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Ok that makes sense. Why would you leave your stuff at his place anyway? You should take your stuff when you leave his place anyway. If you did leave something there and it's not important, forget it. If it is, text to set up a time to get it. Never use 'stuff' as a placeholder or an attempt to mark your turf. 🐶

 

Back to the point. Text him that you are back and suggesting getting together. Do guys ghost on you all the time? Why are you worried before you know that's the case?

he made sure I took my things out of his place before i left.
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Yes I think I have been ghosted before. Once, or maybe twice. Cant remember too well.

Well in the early stages of dating I always think people fade out easily. I think hes ghosted because I really cant think of any other explanation why he didnt reply. Also my mum said he didnt even offer to pick me up, its clearly hes bailing lol

As for my stuff, it was my bikini because we planned to go to the beach but I ended up not feeling it. So before I left he said "do you wanna take your bikini, in case you wanna use it". I knew I wasn't gonna swim but i took it anyway, I wasn't gonna say " no leave it here " lolz...

I'm still digesting my feelings towards his behavior..sometimes I feel like texting him and other times I'm too annoyed to..

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As for my stuff, it was my bikini because we planned to go to the beach but I ended up not feeling it. So before I left he said "do you wanna take your bikini, in case you wanna use it".

 

 

Ok, this^ is telling.

 

Many guys (perhaps some women but men more so in my experience) use a vacay, either theirs or yours, as a great opportunity to fade out with little to no drama.

 

I think he knew all along it was gonna be short term, six weeks right? Perfect in his mind. A few dates, some good sex, and then you leave and poof.

 

Which is why he made sure you took everything with you when you left his place, including your bathing suit.

 

If he had planned to see you again when you returned, I doubt he would have mentioned the suit himself. IF you wanted to take it, you would have.

 

Nevermind the future talk. That should be in one ear and out the other in these very early stages anyway. Not to be taken seriously until you have spent more time and established trust.

 

I have a bit of a rule for myself. When I first meet a guy and right off the bat he mentions he will be leaving soon for a vacation for a few weeks or months, I politely take a pass.

 

My friend had a guy tell her this, and after he supposedly left (soon after they had sex) she ran into him at a bar across town drinking with his friends!

 

Busted!

 

One of my brothers (the commitment phobe who I have talked about before) does this too when he just wants a quick fling. Tells a girl he's leaving in a few weeks for a long vacay. It's a lie, he just wants to fade out with no drama.

 

Just me but I just don't trust when guys tell me this. In this case it was your vacay, but he used it to his advantage imo.

 

Anyway, I could be wrong, but this is what my gut is telling me, considering the above quote and the fact he never responded to your message or has messaged you.

 

Typically I would advise reaching out one more time, but in this case, best to just let it go.

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So before I left he said "do you wanna take your bikini, in case you wanna use it". I knew I wasn't gonna swim but i took it anyway, I wasn't gonna say " no leave it here " lolz...

 

Well, were you vacationing in a place where you might actually go swimming? If you were going on a ski holiday to the Swiss Alps or a trip to Sweden to play in the snow, then yes, suggesting you take it with you is a little odd. If not, then I don't see why it couldn't have been viewed as a sincere reminder to grab it before you go. In an of itself, I think it's entirely possible that you're reading too much into that one particular gesture.

 

Not replying to your text while you were away is more telling, in my opinion. Were you using a platform in which you can see if he'd actually received and read your message? I live abroad and I know my SMS messages are not usually delivered to my friends and family back home, for example. We rely on What's App to communicate with each other.

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Well I wasn't going to ski but I wasn't going to the beach either. I could swim indoor if I really want. But i have other swim suits. But anyway He just said in case I wanna swim.

Regarding the message, it was text message, roaming. although not whatsapp, i'm sure he can get it. All my other friends can.

Another thing is that he didn't offer to pick me up from the airport. I thought if he liked me and wanted to continue seeing me he would offer.

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Ok, this^ is telling.

 

Many guys (perhaps some women but men more so in my experience) use a vacay, either theirs or yours, as a great opportunity to fade out with little to no drama.

 

I think he knew all along it was gonna be short term, six weeks right? Perfect in his mind. A few dates, some good sex, and then you leave and poof.

 

Which is why he made sure you took everything with you when you left his place, including your bathing suit.

 

If he had planned to see you again when you returned, I doubt he would have mentioned the suit himself. IF you wanted to take it, you would have.

.

 

So right from the beginning he wanted to use me as a fling? That's really mean isnt it... the whole time he was lying then? He could have just told me " im not looking for anything serious"

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So right from the beginning he wanted to use me as a fling? That's really mean isnt it... the whole time he was lying then? He could have just told me " im not looking for anything serious"

 

I don't think he was "using" you h0000, just as you were not using him.

 

Did you tell him you were looking for serious? Did he tell you he was looking for something serious? With you?

 

If he did, then yes that was cruel, to intentionally mislead you. If he did not, then he was just a guy dating, navigating the scene, same as you.

 

Or perhaps he simply changed his mind, after you left he had time and space to process it and realized you weren't the right fit. It could be anything!

 

Dating is a risk, and can be harsh.

 

We don't know people until we spend more time and develop trust, until then best to keep expectations low. Sex doesn't change that.

 

All that said, I don't know I'm just speculating. But given my examples with my friend and my own brother, some men do use vacays as a way to fade out. Some women do too!

 

It happens, I'm sorry. Ghosting is cowardly, and hurts its happenrd to me too!

 

Text him if you want to be sure, I could be wrong!

 

In fact I hope I am!!

 

I just think if he were still interested, you would have heard from him, that's all.

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Deep breaths. I think you're spinning yourself around a bit.

 

I can't speak for this guy, and neither can anyone else here. Still, I highly doubt that right from the beginning he had one idea (fling) but proceeded to trick you into thinking he had other intentions, bigger feelings.

 

People say a lot of things in the early days of dating, and they generally mean them—in the moment. The point of dating is to see how much those things stick, whether they can expand, whether those moments can add up to something real—or not.

 

There is one hard fact here: that he did not respond to a text message you sent. Which was, yes, inconsiderate. Which hurt your feelings and left you confused.

 

You can decide that alone is reason for YOU to disengage, to be done, because you don't want to date a dude who doesn't respond to a text message. You can decide YOU want to see if there's been some misunderstanding, if he's still interested, because YOU still are—and so you text him, see what's what.

 

If he doesn't respond he's a ghost, a fool, his loss—done. If he does you get information rather than concocting catastrophic stories based on the words of internet strangers and your mother's interpretation of what it means that he didn't pick you up from the airport.

 

Either of those, I think, is better than what you're doing now.

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Edit to my last post: And not to refute bluecastle's post, but I highly doubt he could deny that when interested in a woman he had been dating and having sex with for six weeks prior to her vacay, he would have responded and sent a few of his own.

 

And on the off chance he had not received her message, he would be contacting her.

 

Assuming he was still interested.

 

But as he and others said, if you are not afraid of possible further rejection, go ahead and reach out.

 

You never know!

 

I did when my bf did not respond to a text, he responded to my second, and we've been dating 10 months.

 

But we had not even met yet, let alone dating and having sex.

 

Best of luck whatever happens!

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I know you are right bluecastel, I need to text him if I want an answer. But I'm actually trying to figure out if I want it. My heart says yes but..my mind says it might be a bad idea.

Thinking back, there were a few possible (?) Red flags. Once he ignored my text and when I caught him on it, he said" treat them mean, keep them keen". When I told him im going away he said " oh we are gonna be strangers soon then". The night before I left he said" see you in 2 weeks, or maybe you wont find me anymore".

Of course when I get angry, he laughs and says "I'm joking silly! I just like to wind you up". And I believed him because despite saying those things, he never flaked and seemed consistent behavior wise. That is, till now. We agreed we'd keep in touch, but he didn't keep his promises.

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