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dundermiflin

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This is a new one for me; any guesses what it means if someone's Facebook page comes up, but no pictures, no profile pic, no bio, but that stuff used to be there? If it was deleted, or I was blocked, wouldn't the name/page not even come up? I'm certainly not his FB friend anymore. Could it have anything to do with someone being on Bumble but maybe wanting to start over/recreate a new Bumble user acct? I may be reaching with that last one?

 

I met a guy on Bumble a little over a month ago, and he seemed really nice. At first I thought he was a little overbearing, but we hit it off and I fell for it. He was so sweet to me and reassuring. We talked about it moving kind of fast as far as enjoying being together, but he seemed to say exactly what I was feeling, and I thought it was good. We saw each other for the better part of the weekend, and Wed. nights, and I held off with sex initially but then caved and we had a lot 😬 He was always texting me and in contact saying sweet things. Just yesterday he said it was a good thing and healthy. The only problem; on Wed night things felt different/shifted. I can't put my finger on it but suddenly I felt like we lost the connection. I went home feeling sad in the morning (but I think I hid it ok?).

 

I may have texted too many jokey/nothings on Thurs. But nothing too crazy. Just wanted to make him laugh. But as of Thurs. night, he hasn't even read my last text. Maybe deleted my whole thread, I don't know. Normally, he texts on his breaks and in the am like clockwork. Normally he at leasts reads my texts? And his Facebook is gone.

 

I know it hasn't been a long time for me to feel upset, but at this point I don't think I'll hear from him again? I'm leaving it alone and not texting him or anything; just trying to see what happens. But it's weird, right? He's 43, seems to have his stuff together, and I'm 39. I've never been "played" if that's what this is, most guys have been honest enough with me if they didn't want a relationship? This is hard for me. Why give me a sweatshirt, cook for me, talk about celebrating Valentine's Day, we have Superbowl plans, all seemed aboveboard? If he lost his phone or it got stolen, someone wouldn't delete his Facebook stuff, right? If it's over, I really don't know how to get back on the horse and try to date again. This really hurt :(

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Were you ever his FB friend? If you were up until the point you noticed you weren't and his details aren't visible, it'd seem pretty obvious he unfortunately nixed you without saying a word. If you weren't his friend, it could be as simply as him having adjusted his privacy settings.

 

What kind of jokes were you sending him? How many? Was he replying or did you just keep sending him messages?

 

In any case, I'm not sure what neck of the woods you're in, but I'm guessing the US if you've got Super Bowl plans. Here on the east coast, it's barely into Friday afternoon. Unless you were indeed unfriended and blocked, pretty much none of this...

 

I know it hasn't been a long time for me to feel upset, but at this point I don't think I'll hear from him again? I'm leaving it alone and not texting him or anything; just trying to see what happens. But it's weird, right? He's 43, seems to have his stuff together, and I'm 39. I've never been "played" if that's what this is, most guys have been honest enough with me if they didn't want a relationship? This is hard for me. Why give me a sweatshirt, cook for me, talk about celebrating Valentine's Day, we have Superbowl plans, all seemed aboveboard? If he lost his phone or it got stolen, someone wouldn't delete his Facebook stuff, right? If it's over, I really don't know how to get back on the horse and try to date again. This really hurt :(

 

... should be running through your head simply for having gone 12 or however few hours without texting a text.

 

IF you were removed and blocked, I'd put $100 on him having a girlfriend and abruptly covering his tracks. Or you came off in a way that rightly or not worried him. No idea, but it'd be best to move on as a result.

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Its hard to say really but if this is a concern with you you should really hold off on sharing that part of you until you're ready.

 

You essentially allowed him to hunt for sex with you and he did and he succeeded.

 

Sweet word and empty promises should not make thy panties drop.

 

Raise your boundaries, you'll notice a huge change in your dating experiences.

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I was his FB friend. So then I was removed and blocked. He was responding to the jokes last night. I was at his house several times and didn't see any evidence of a girlfriend/wife, but I guess that doesn't mean anything. Yes, hold off on intimacy, I know. I did for a little bit, what I thought was a reasonable amount of time and assurances that it wasn't about sex for him. How do you even tell anymore. I'm so blindsided.

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It wasn't necessarily "about sex for him", but for whatever reason he hasn't contacted you today.

 

That is the issue when texting expectations are level set at the beginning; you expect daily contact, multiple times per day, and when he doesn't you see it as a sign that he's not into you anymore and he was "about sex".

 

What if maybe something came up and he isn't near his phone?

 

One of my friends messaged me at 8 this morning. I haven't answered him yet. I messaged another friend last night. She got back to me about an hour ago. They weren't done being my friends, they just had life happening.

 

Why jump to disastrous conclusions so quickly? And no, not "but he ALWAYS texts me all day long!"

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Sorry to hear this. It doesn't sound like anything you did or didn't do. He may have gone back to an on/off gf. Did you know much about his dating history?. Abrupt 180s like this are often outside factors.

he unfriended me and never read my last text. That's why I'm pretty sure it's over, even though he hasn't been MIA for very long.
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I was his FB friend. So then I was removed and blocked. He was responding to the jokes last night. I was at his house several times and didn't see any evidence of a girlfriend/wife, but I guess that doesn't mean anything. Yes, hold off on intimacy, I know. I did for a little bit, what I thought was a reasonable amount of time and assurances that it wasn't about sex for him. How do you even tell anymore. I'm so blindsided.
I mean, you might hold out on the 0.0001% chance he simply purged his social media, but I'd stick to the more straight forward reality in front of you. Would normally agree with boltrun if isolating the text issue, but the removal changes that game.

 

As far as "how you can even tell anymore," you can't. That's the inherent risk in any dynamic with someone you're not familiar with. Best you can do is take the time to get familiar enough with someone to make the leap of faith in trusting them reasonably close to the ground. And note-- "before trusting" doesn't mean you distrust them up to that point. By your own admission, this is a unique case, so I'm not certain why it should serve as an excuse to turn jaded. Good luck with what I'm sure will be future opportunities with other men.

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I was his FB friend. So then I was removed and blocked. He was responding to the jokes last night. I was at his house several times and didn't see any evidence of a girlfriend/wife, but I guess that doesn't mean anything. Yes, hold off on intimacy, I know. I did for a little bit, what I thought was a reasonable amount of time and assurances that it wasn't about sex for him. How do you even tell anymore. I'm so blindsided.

 

You're not blocked, unless you are pulling up a fb page for a stranger with same name - also possible.

 

If you are pulling up his page, then you are not blocked but have been moved to restricted status wherein you see only what is available to the public.

 

The "why" can be distracting. Does it matter?

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It's not just this one. It's been a string of bad luck lately. I've been single for years now. I know I'll get past it and try again, but today, this one is hurting. Thanks for the responses.

 

I might suggest you take your time and not get too involved with someone over the course of few days.

Had you done this you might have had an opportunity to get a better read on him and in the end not be disappointed.

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Putting all of this together, it seems like he either has a girlfriend currently or was seeing multiple people and decided to focus his energy on the one he saw a future with.

 

It's unlikely that it was anything you did... if he was really into you he would have not just ghosted you without warning.

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I mean, you might hold out on the 0.0001% chance he simply purged his social media, but I'd stick to the more straight forward reality in front of you. Would normally agree with boltrun if isolating the text issue, but the removal changes that game.

 

As far as "how you can even tell anymore," you can't. That's the inherent risk in any dynamic with someone you're not familiar with. Best you can do is take the time to get familiar enough with someone to make the leap of faith in trusting them reasonably close to the ground. And note-- "before trusting" doesn't mean you distrust them up to that point. By your own admission, this is a unique case, so I'm not certain why it should serve as an excuse to turn jaded. Good luck with what I'm sure will be future opportunities with other men.

 

Yeah, I forgot about the Facebook issue.

 

Sounds like someone (maybe his non-live in girlfriend) found out about you and he hid his profile so you can't see any of his info or contact him.

 

Sorry, but this one seems to be a no go.

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Putting all of this together, it seems like he either has a girlfriend currently or was seeing multiple people and decided to focus his energy on the one he saw a future with.

 

It's unlikely that it was anything you did... if he was really into you he would have not just ghosted you without warning.

 

I agree with this on the surface.

 

At the end of the day though, I know if I’m sleeping with someone I’m dating I’m in no way shape or form ok with a man multidating and deciding to focus on any other number of women. That’s a boundary I have and there’s no way I’m going to be ok with it. We all have different boundaries.

 

Whether he blocked or unfriended or restricted her access there’s no making it... not hurtful... especially if it came with no warning.

 

I wouldn’t be ok with it. I doubt most would.

 

I did take the time to read your history before responding which is why I responded the way I did. I’d this is a concern with you, you have to change the way you’re approaching dating, you’re treating your sexuality as a prize while also presenting yourself as someone who thinks she must prove herself worthy to date. Unfortunately you aren’t a rare breed tons of women young and old approaching dating this same way and it kinda puts a target on your back as easy pretty, just say a few pretty words and gotcha!

 

Take a break. Not too long just long enough to figure out what you want, what your expectations are and where your boundaries lie, that way when a man is showeringnuou with pretty words but his actions don’t match his words you know to walk away.

 

The way you wrote the original post there were a few ques that you were wary of him, sometimes it’s wise to follow that gut feeling. But again also try to change your view about your sexuality. Sex is a mutually enjoyed expierience it’s not a treat you give to someone because they were a good boy ( that sounded kinda dirty haha) your decision to engage in sexual intercourse shouldn’t happen after a man has ‘proven’ himself, you just learned your radar for that isn’t tuned well anyhow. That decision should be a natural and mutual step.

 

Let me just state this before the casual sex nazis show up, if you want a casual set relationship continue doing what you’re doing, I’m getting the vibe you want a relationship so you can’t go in with a casual mindset thinking you’re going to find a relationship.

 

A regular poster often talks about her dating methods and while I do not agree with all of it she went in knowing where she stood and what she wanted, I learned to do that myself and it really cuts out the crap. I always say this people will be honest, if you just pay attention people will show you their intentions he’ll most will even tell you. Be your advocate look it for yourself. You’re worth it so act like it!

 

Good luck!

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I think if a guy wants sex, doesn't matter what you do( give it to him or not) it won't change his mind. Had you not slept with him he would still ghost you. So no need to beat yourself up for it. You enjoyed the sex too right?!

And I also don't think there's always a way to detect a guy's true intention. He can act(yes, not just words but actions too) really really nice yet still ghost you.

I think we just have to be strong. Definately need to have a high standard in selecting guys and if they still ghost you, onto the next! Get a rebound if that's necessary lol

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It seems that men that age are rather fickle. I would agree, reconciliation with an exgirlfriend is high on the list of possibilities or prioritizing someone else he was seeing. It could be a woman he was very interested in circled back around, particularly if she caught wind of dating you (possibly others). If he unfriended you, what you're seeing is what is available to the public. You haven't been fully blocked if you can still see his page. The outcome here isn't good, and I'm sorry this has happened. They can turn on a dime and you'll never know why.

 

Most men I know this age are not big texters. I don't know if the high level of texting you were doing influenced this outcome. Sudden cold feet, too much too soon, a feeling of needy and clingy?? It's hard to say what's going when they seem to enthusiastically participate if not initiate a majority of the time, let alone seem to really be into you.

 

It hurts.

 

Maybe he wants to be solo for Superbowl and doesn't want to deal with Valentine's Day and he'll come back around once VDay has fully cleared. :tongue:

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Sounds like maybe he needed a little space. You said you were seeing him for little over a month, right? And you saw each other for the better part of the weekends and once during the week, and were already cooking for each other, he was giving you a sweatshirt (?), and you slept together - a lot - as you said. To me that is very fast. Perhaps after all his sweet gestures he realized it was moving really fast and needed a break to think through where this situation was going. Hopefully he’ll get back in contact in a couple days but if I were you I wouldn’t contact him, as hard as it is. As for his Facebook page- take social media with a grain of salt. It means nothing. And it was only a couple days ago. Just get on with your day and remember you didn’t know this guy a month ago.

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This is all very good advice. I did hear from him, but it's weird. Too many sugary things said and I feel sick about it now. It hurts but I see that I have a lot to work on.

 

I am sorry you feel played; the gift is the opportunity to rethink your approach so that you can retain your effervescent nature.

 

My lessons came at significant expense, only because I am so hard headed. You seem to be a much better student. Good on you!

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