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Thread: Trust

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2019
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    Trust

    So I had been with my girlfriend for about 5 months and she had this from work. We’ll call him Jim. So we had a fight but I thought we had made up. She told me she had to go see her grandmother but instead Jim had come over. I was in the wrong for reading her messages but I was hurt. She assured me nothing happened and that she was going to tell me. We’ll ever since, I’ve been very anxious every time she’s with him. It’s not fair of me to ask her to give him up because they get along and she doesn’t really have anyone else. I also have a friend she’s uncomfortable with because of a history of feelings I had for this person before I met my girlfriend. After everything happened with Jim, trust was lost and things started to feel different. We decided to take a break the other day but we’ve talked about stuff and decided to let things play out and try for a second chance at some point. But I still get anxious and upset whenever Jim is over at her house, in her room and stuff. Like I’m afraid something will happen even though she told me it won’t and hasn’t. I don’t know how to get over this but I really need to. Does anyone have any advice?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    Why is this Jim guy in her room at all?

    What was your fight about, exactly? Your post is a little hard to follow, because you don't really supply much context. How long has she known him, and what sort of messages did you read?

  3. #3

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    They’re close friends who met at work. All they really do when he is over is watch youtube. I asked her if he could sit in a chair in her room rather than in her bed with her. Our fight was over something small but it turned into something larger because we fought a lot at the time. The texts I had read were just her asking him to come over for pick her up to get out of the house. This also hurt because she had told me earlier that day that we couldn’t see each other

  4. #4
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    I think it's reasonable for you to ask that they only "watch netflix" in the living room or an open / public room. That's reasonable.
    Fair is fair, if she gets to spend time with Jim, you get to spend time wirh your female friend and SHE CAN'T COMPAIN. But you must follow the same rules - no private time in a private room with her. Can't do anything with her you woudl not want Jim to do to your gf.

    Then see how it goes. Couples should still be able to have their close friends that mean somethign to them without having to give them up. But it must be on the up n up. If she balks at not being able to watch netflix in her bedroom ON HER BED with Jim - something is wrong. If she isn't okay with you spending time with your female friend (and you are NOT misbehaving at all and let her know that) - then something is wrong.

    Good luck.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Your relationship is bogus. Just break up with her now and find someone who doesn't need to spend alone time in her room with another guy.

  7. #6
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    Her behaviour is outside of what you feel is loving and respectful towards a partner in an intimate relationship. Your values on how to show love and respect do not match. This is tip of the iceberg kind of stuff, this is a red flag of future conflict that is sure to arise due to mismatched values. Don't settle, she isn't the only girl in the world, go find one who does not trigger your insecurities.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd be done the second I learned that someone used a grandma excuse to see someone else. Nothing else would be relevant.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I'd be done the second I learned that someone used a grandma excuse to see someone else. Nothing else would be relevant.
    Agreed. If there's nothing shady about the friendship, no need to lie about it.


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