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Thread: cheating advice

  1. #1
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    cheating advice

    Okay so, I would like some advice about whether I have cheated or not.

    I met someone a few months ago and we are still going strong.

    But when we first met we really connected straight away. So we had great two days together. Then we had to go our separate ways but agreed to meet up in three weeks time. However, I looked at this at time and thought this might not happen and may never seem him again, so i will go with the flow and see what happens. I wasn't going to put my life on hold.

    Anyway three days after seeing him I met someone else got on really well and we slept together. But after meeting the second person the first person then says they have made arrangements to now meet with me. So i thought right this looks like it maybe a bit more serious, so after this I didn't do anything with anyone else. Ever since it has just been me and the first person. I couldn't meet anyone else as this first is so lovely oh you couldn't ask for anyone better. I think over the months that have now gone by i have come learn a lot more about the first person and i really like him. We say we love each other but we have not had the physical time to connect as we are long distance.

    So is this cheating?

    Thanks

  2. #2
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    Did you have any kind of conversation saying you were exclusive? Were you guys throwing around words like “boyfriend” or “love” after those two days?

    If not, it’s not cheating.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you and guy 1 been dating? How many dates did you go on or was it just "two great days together"? Why is it long distance? Is that the only in person date you had?

    Why did he "need to make arrangements" that took 3 weeks of disappearing to do? What did you tell guy 2 or was that just a hookup? Is he local?
    Originally Posted by thomaslong
    I met someone a few months ago and we are still going strong.
    we had great two days together.
    three days after seeing him I met someone else got on really well and we slept together.
    the first person then says they have made arrangements to now meet with me.
    Ever since it has just been me and the first person.
    we have not had the physical time to connect as we are long distance.

  4. #4
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    Thanks RedDress, no conversation about exclusivity when we met. I didn't even think about it at the time. When met for the second time we started to feel things for each other and the i love you was used. But a month after this we started using the boyfriend term, which seemed appropriate at the time.

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  6. #5
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    Hi Wiseman2,

    Well i suppose if you look at it from the start then three months but we met when i was abroad then i continued with my travels and we met up in my final destination as he said he could meet me there. Had the first two days then not seen each other for three weeks as i was traveling. My final destination was when myself and he felt things really started kicking off between us. We are going to meet again for a good period of time and will use this time to see if this we want to progress any further with it. I hope we can as it certainly seems that way. We live thousands of miles apart from one another but i am moving much close to him this year purely because of my career, not just upping sticks for him alone.

    I told guy two everything he seems okay with but you never know. I don't think guy one or two know each other but you never know.

  7. #6
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    Yeah - I wouldn’t go out of my way to tell your BF about it because, like, it’s not the most romantic thing? But I wouldn’t lie about it either. You didn’t do anything wrong.

    In your bf’s shoes, I would accept this explanation (it was early days, I was crazy about you but didn’t know if it was just a pipe dream, we never talked about exclusivity or love or being in a relationship, etc)

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can I ask how old you are?

    This is, in my opinion, so, so, SO far from the realm of cheating. You were single. A single woman who met a great guy, had two great days/dates with him, talked about seeing each other again. When those two days were over you were still single, and you did what single people around the world do every day: met someone, connected, had sex. Nothing to feel guilty about, end of story.

    And now, correct me if I'm wrong, but you've committed to the first guy? You've agreed to exclusivity, labeled things, and expressed love—still based on those first two days and the prospect of what might come when you see each other again? That sounds a little fast to me, but, hey, that's just me. Point is, now you're exclusive and respecting those boundaries. Great—see how it all goes and enjoy.

    No need to bring it up, in my opinion. If he asks, sure, you can let him know in the way RedDress described. I can only speak for myself, but I'd have zero problems with it.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is it a same sex relationship?
    Originally Posted by thomaslong
    a month after this we started using the boyfriend term

  10. #9

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    Just as a thought, you could consider taking longer than 5 minutes before you sleep with someone! You know, get to know them a little bit BEFORE you share the single most intimate physical experience with them...before you even know their last name! (I realize this is a very new concept...)

  11. #10
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    Well, Tawanda i did actually get to know the other person before i did that. We get on very well and shared something. It is not a new concept to me thank you for your advice.

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