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Thread: Mixed Up & Confused

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jan 2019

    Mixed Up & Confused

    Hi All,

    This is my first time posting in a forum but i could really do with some outside advice!

    I have been in a relationship with my current partner for 5 years now and he is great, we have similar interests, live together, have a dog together, he treats me well, and i love him a lot. One of the issues i'm having is that i find we lack in passion and i'm not always keen to sleep with him as much as he would like. He is very understanding about this but i know he gets frustrated. When we first started dating we had a very active sex life but now i feel like i have to talk myself into it every time.. it is not spontaneous or passionate anymore and has become quite mundane.

    The other issue is a complicated one and hard to explain but i will try my best.
    There is another guy that i have known since i was 12 (i am now 26) this guy and i were close growing up as we competed in the same sport, we are in the same sports club, and our families are close. I had always thought of this person as a friend but when we hit our older teen years i knew he liked me more than a friend but i wasn't interested as i would travel a lot and never thought of him in that way. Eventually i moved back to our home town and saw him again and i could tell he was still interested in me. At this time i had just started dating my current boyfriend and i guess i chose him over this other guy. The first year of our relationship was awesome and everything was going great up until there was this party with our sports club and few too many drinks were consumed. This guy ended up making a move on me and we kissed... i never told my boyfriend about it. The next day i messaged the guy and we agreed to be friends.. no biggie. Time goes on and everything gets back to normal but i realize i am consciously trying to avoid this other guy and start to feel some kind of way about him. During our second year in a relationship my boyfriend and i decide to break up (i was going through a tough time and pushing everyone away) at this point i started to have strong feelings towards this other guy so decided to see if he wanted to catch up so we could talk about things... he basically shut me down and i was pretty heartbroken because i knew i had lost a friend. Me and my boyfriend eventually get back together and things get good between us again but i still keep thinking about this other guy. About a year ago got super drunk and basically told this guy i loved him.... again i got shut down... but i was just so confused because we have known each other for so long and i know he had previously had feelings for me.. he has never had a girlfriend since i have known him. I just really wanted to have a conversation with him to clear the air and talk about where we stand but he won't talk to me. It is so awkward because our families are friends, we have mutual friends, we do the same sport ect. It is difficult because i feel like i can't go to certain things if i know he will be there. I still think about him a lot even though i only see him about once a year and he is constantly in my dreams. It is unfair on my boyfriend, i know that but i just don't know what to do.. I just want to have a conversation with this guy but he won't talk to me. I don't even mind if he doesn't like me or want to be friends but i just need the tension between us to subside so i can actually hang out with our mutual friends and sport club members without it being awkward. It also doesn't help that everyone that knows us thought we would end up together and now always questions why we don't talk. I also deleted him off all my social medias as i thought it would help me get over it. It is such a messy situation and i feel so lost.. HELP! I feel like i may be missing some details but this is already long enough!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    It sounds like you are in a go nowhere domestic drudgery situation just playing house. Staying for complacency, security, false hope, etc. The other guy represents what used to be before you two moved in together and got in a rut playing house.

    Move out and stand on your own and date others or stop playing house and being in a boring tedious passion-killing rut and find ways to restore romance to your domestic doldrums. Plus being tied down to this since age 21 sounds like a bad idea in the first place.
    Originally Posted by shanz
    -5 years now and live together. i am now 26
    -There is another guy

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