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Thread: not gone yet, but I am scared of him going

  1. #1

    not gone yet, but I am scared of him going

    My boyfriend and I are now together for a bit more than a year. I live in Switzerland and he‘s originally from Germany. He came to Switzerland five years ago because of a job. In the meantime he often changed his job because of problems with his health. He stayed unemployed for like two years because he couldn‘t get a scholarship for learning a new profession and none of us has enough money to pay something like this. I am studying and not earning enough money for both of us. Now he‘s thinking about going back to Germany and try to get a scholarship there. I have been thinking about going with him because I could study so many interesting things in his city. My parents have enough money to support me during my studies and I could work an extra job to earn some more money. Everything seems perfectly fine to this point, wouldn‘t there be his ex girlfriend who is a bit crazy. They were together for four years I think, cheated on each other in their relationship and endet it when my boyfriend decided to go to Switzerland. She studied psychology and has a new boyfriend. She ended up drunk calling her ex (my bf) a few times saying she knows what went wrong in their relationship and she even stalked him when we went to visit his mom in his city. One time I was there with him she called him again, telling that she couldn‘t believe he‘s got a new girlfriend (in the time between her and me was another girl together with my bf). She ended up talking to me, telling me that he is a bad boyfriend and that I‘m just a number and that he‘s gonna treat me bad. I then just told her that she maybe wasn‘t „the right one“ and didn‘t love him the way I do. He still does treat me perfectly and I couldn‘t wish any better. But my fear is that he‘ll return to his city, which is like 1000km away from mine (1.5h with plane), and meet her again and fall somehow in love with her. Yes, she has a boyfriend and yes, I know he loves me but despite of all that, she managed to meet him and call him sometimes. She has even a quite good relationship with his mother because his ex helped his mother with her second studies. I am so scared of him wanting her back and betraying me. I can‘t control him, I don‘t want to. But I even don‘t know if this relationship is going to last because he always kept telling that he doesn‘t want a long-distance relationship. So what should I do? Should I step out of my comfort zone and go studying in his city or should I try hoping for the best and staying here until I‘ve finished my project (around six months)?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    paragraphs please

  3. #3
    Sorry, don‘t know how to edit my thread.
    Last edited by schoengeist; 01-31-2019 at 12:48 PM. Reason: deleting because misunderstood

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't twist your life around for him, especially if it's just to follow him so he won't go back with an ex. Pursue your own life. It's now working out for him in Switzerland so let him go.
    Originally Posted by schoengeist
    My boyfriend and I are now together for a bit more than a year. But my fear is that he‘ll return to his city, which is like 1000km away from mine (1.5h with plane), and meet her again and fall somehow in love with her.

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  6. #5
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    He still has feelings for her, or he would have blocked her.

    You need to let this go. The guy is still in contact with his ex and has not worked for two years! How does he support himself?

    Stay in your own country and find someone who is more stable.

    What are the health issues?

  7. #6
    He deleted her number, didn‘t block it. I don‘t think he has like real feelings for her, but I know that he will always have left a little love for everyone he was with (he‘s a scorpio)

    Yes, he couldn‘t work because he has bad back problems. He can‘t stand more than half an hour without sitting shortly down. There‘s nothing bad about being uneployed and trying to start your own career. This is not the problem.

    You have to understand that I have a really deep mental and emotional connection with him. I can‘t just let him go.

    He doesn‘t have a chance here in my Country, but I would have a big one in his. I could even study the subject I wanted and couldn‘t here in Switzerland.


    I am more worried about my problem with his ex. She has called him once since we‘re together, that time I talked to her. He saw how he after blocked and deleted the number. But I wanna know how likely she is to try convincing him for a meeting or something similar.

  8. #7
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    In the whole grand scheme of things, one year in your life isn't long. He keeps that door open for his ex for a reason. Being unemployed for two whole years screams laziness and remember...You can NEVER control anyone's actions except your own.

    Staying is a big mistake.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Only he can answer that. Why not have a long talk about your worries, his moving, your studies and what you both want out of the relationship. For example, did he ask you to move there? Where will you live?
    Originally Posted by schoengeist
    I wanna know how likely she is to try convincing him for a meeting or something similar.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Why hasn't he blocked her yet if she's so psycho and stalks him? How does she get access to him and is even able to talk to you?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by schoengeist
    He deleted her number, didn‘t block it. I don‘t think he has like real feelings for her, but I know that he will always have left a little love for everyone he was with (he‘s a scorpio)

    Yes, he couldn‘t work because he has bad back problems. He can‘t stand more than half an hour without sitting shortly down. There‘s nothing bad about being uneployed and trying to start your own career. This is not the problem.

    You have to understand that I have a really deep mental and emotional connection with him. I can‘t just let him go.

    He doesn‘t have a chance here in my Country, but I would have a big one in his. I could even study the subject I wanted and couldn‘t here in Switzerland.


    I am more worried about my problem with his ex. She has called him once since we‘re together, that time I talked to her. He saw how he after blocked and deleted the number. But I wanna know how likely she is to try convincing him for a meeting or something similar.
    If he'd be able to fall for someone he says is crazy and stalker and if she'd be able to convince him to get back together, then he's not the person for you and your relationship is not so solid as you think it is.

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