Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22

Thread: New jealous girlfriend

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    Brisbane, Queensland
    Posts
    6
    Gender
    Male

    New jealous girlfriend

    Hi

    I was in a relationship for six years. We broke up seven months ago. My new girlfriend and I have been together a month. I went to an event and assured my girlfriend that I wouldn't talk to the ex, it's an annual event that I had preorganised. Anyway photos came up on social media and it was obvious that I lied as I spoke with the ex and sat next to her for at least some short time.

    We obviously built up mutual friends while together. And I was from a small town so lots of our friends are mutual. The new girlfriend is demanding that I don't talk to any friends of the exes that were hers first. I moved to town so most of my friends were the exes first.

    I know I shouldn't have lied, but I could sense the new gf was jealous and worried. It was a mistake. But this demand seems unreasonable and immature. I have no feelings for the ex and I was looking forward to my new relationship, but if this is how it started maybe it's time to move on... I'm thinking of the break up five years down the track... When kids or financials become involved. We are currently in our early 30s.

    First time using a forum like this, but look forward to the advice.

    TIA.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,207
    Dump her! Good Lord! You don't need any of us to advise you on this, you should already know.

    Do not give up your friends for a gf. The red flags are blaring that this woman is controlling and incredibly insecure.

    I thought you were teenagers.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    Brisbane, Queensland
    Posts
    6
    Gender
    Male
    I agree. But most of my friends are asleep as I'm travelling and needed some reassurance! Thank you! Also some of my stuff is at her house and I don't want it to be thrown out while I'm away for work...

    I swear everyone on tinder is crazy...

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,383
    Gender
    Male
    Well, first things first: Let's take a deep breath and worry about the next week, the next month, not where things are in five years. That's your longterm brain going into overdrive, and probably the part of your brain still wired by your last relationship to think in those terms.

    That said: yes, this is problematic on a few fronts.

    I'm guessing that when you assured your gf that you wouldn't talk to your ex you weren't even being sincere. I mean, c'mon. It's an event, you're going to see her, you're adults, you'll inevitably end up saying a cordial hello and maybeógaspóeven having a conversation.

    But probably you already knew your gf has a jealous streak, which you looked to appease, but your path to appeasement was dishonesty, which of course only amped up that jealous streak. Not a good dynamic, that. Not a cute look for either of you, and at one month everything should be pretty damn cute.

    So, yeah, I'd be a little wary. Wary of her jealous side, wary that you're already dealing with it by being dishonest.

    As for what to do? I'd have a little chatóbut, you know, an honest chat. Let her know that you have no romantic feelings for your ex, but that in six years together you have mutual friends and that you don't wish to cut off those friendships. Don't make it about her "immaturity," but about who you are, your needs. Let your gf know that you'd like her to meet these friends, since they are part of your lifeóthat you want both of you to feel comfortable and secure.

    And then observe: how she reacts, how things unfold, how you feel, if the eggshells fade away.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,207
    When she insisted that you not speak to your ex gf, you should have known that something was wrong with this woman.

    Not everyone is crazy, just be more in tune to red flags, and dating will be easier.

    You live with her after a month??

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,383
    Gender
    Male
    Oh, dang! Missed the part about you being in you 30s.

    Um, no. If a 30something can't understand that people have pasts you've got a problem. That's the demand of someone with a very skewed view of relationships.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,207
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Well, first things first: Let's take a deep breath and worry about the next week, the next month, not where things are in five years. That's your longterm brain going into overdrive, and probably the part of your brain still wired by your last relationship to think in those terms.

    That said: yes, this is problematic on a few fronts.

    I'm guessing that when you assured your gf that you wouldn't talk to your ex you weren't even being sincere. I mean, c'mon. It's an event, you're going to see her, you're adults, you'll inevitably end up saying a cordial hello and maybeógaspóeven having a conversation.

    But probably you already knew your gf has a jealous streak, which you looked to appease, but your path to appeasement was dishonesty, which of course only amped up that jealous streak. Not a good dynamic, that. Not a cute look for either of you, and at one month everything should be pretty damn cute.

    So, yeah, I'd be a little wary. Wary of her jealous side, wary that you're already dealing with it by being dishonest.

    As for what to do? I'd have a little chatóbut, you know, an honest chat. Let her know that you have no romantic feelings for your ex, but that in six years together you have mutual friends and that you don't wish to cut off those friendships. Don't make it about her "immaturity," but about who you are, your needs. Let your gf know that you'd like her to meet these friends, since they are part of your lifeóthat you want both of you to feel comfortable and secure.

    And then observe: how she reacts, how things unfold, how you feel, if the eggshells fade away.
    I don't agree, at all! They have been dating for a second.

    Why even bother? Her expectations are unreasonable due to her insecurities. She has already shown him who she is.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Somewhere Out There
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,702
    Gender
    Female
    This is how itís gping to be with her whether itís in the next hour, tomorrow or five years from now. I think she is very insecure and controlling, issues such as those only get worse as time passes.

    Itís only been a month. This is the time you should be feeling giddy and butterflies. Not having to walk on egg shells!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,383
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I don't agree, at all! They have been dating for a second.

    Why even bother? Her expectations are unreasonable due to her insecurities. She has already shown him who she is.
    YupóI disagree with me too!

    Kind of thought we were dealing with people in their late teens/early 20s, when there's a bit more wiggle room for insecurities like this.

    There can be a very seductive quality to jealous people, especially early, because they can also be some of the most infatuated. Yet that's all ego, ego masquerading as the heart, which is a road to nowhere good and fun pretty fast.

    Seems, OP, you've already steered from fun to nowhere good.

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    Brisbane, Queensland
    Posts
    6
    Gender
    Male
    We don't live together but I did stay at her place for two weeks before I travelled to Africa as she's in Brisbane and I'm in country qld, and we have an office in brissy.

    She has met a dozen of my friends who moved to brissy, whom all know my ex. So it's not clear whom I would need to unfriend. Seems a bit complicated.. And I was dishonest. But it was an amicable break up. She was 14 years older and we ended it on good terms with no feelings of love or hate toward each other.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •