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Thread: Am in a new relationship (3 months) but fear I've done something wrong...

  1. #1

    Am in a new relationship (3 months) but fear I've done something wrong...

    So I'm in a new relationship at the moment with a girl I really like. But there's this other girl who I've liked for a very long time but is just several leagues above me. Anyhow.. I'm involved with this other girl in a business sense and the other day we met up for a drink to discuss something business related. We ended up staying at the bar for 7 hours and it was one of the most incredible conversations/nights of my life. She and I get on so well. Nothing untoward happened but I was so desperate to lean over and kiss her. I feel like a horrible person. Nothing happened but on some level I feel like i've cheated on my current partner. And I also don't how to read what's happening with this new girl.. I had always just assumed she wasn't interested in me.. but she was having just as good a time as me. Surely there must be something more to it... so confused.

  2. #2
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    Perhaps, you should finish with your gf.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    I second Holly's post. If you're having feelings about another woman, don't hold onto your current GF. That is not fair to her.

    Because honestly, even if this other girl doesn't end up sleeping with you/ being interested in you, the fact remains that your current GF is "2nd choice." She deserves to be someone's first choice, and clearly that isn't you.

    If you want to spend so much energy into figuring out how this other woman feels about you, do the grown-up thing and end it with your GF.


    ~LC

  4. #4
    It's difficult because I've been single for 4+ years and found it so hard to meet people and my GF came along and she's so into me and that feels so nice to be wanted that much by someone... I just don't know if i want her to the same degree. But at the same time there's a voice in my head saying I'd be a damn idiot to let her go. I literally don't know what to do. And this night the other night with the other girl has only deepened the confusion.

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  6. #5
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    Op not to sound harsh:

    But you liking the fact she’s into you when you can’t reciprocate the feelings. Is selfish!

    Please let her go. You make it sound as if you’re settling for her. Nobody deserves that.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedInNZ
    It's difficult because I've been single for 4+ years and found it so hard to meet people and my GF came along and she's so into me and that feels so nice to be wanted that much by someone... I just don't know if i want her to the same degree. But at the same time there's a voice in my head saying I'd be a damn idiot to let her go. I literally don't know what to do. And this night the other night with the other girl has only deepened the confusion.
    So, you're basically saying you'll keep your current girlfriend while you make up your mind about another girl ... and when you finally decide you want the other girl, then it will be okay to dump your current girlfriend. Wow. That's just so incredibly selfish. Maybe time to grow up and learn that using people to meet your own selfish ends is just not cool. Not nice.

  8. #7
    ugh.. I hate hurting people... I really hate it. But yes I know I'm only hurting her more if I don't feel the same way. But do we need to feel the same way.. I mean I like her a lot.. I'm not getting any younger.. is it wise of me to let her go in pursuit of something that has to be 100% PERFECT, because I know that's never going to happen. Right?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    If you were super into your gf—as opposed to being super into someone being into you—the truth is you wouldn’t feel bad about any of this.

    You’d have gone out with a terrific and attractive woman—the planet, bless it, is full of them—and you’d have had a nice chat and been excited to go home to your gf. Happens all the time. No harm, no foul.

    But, alas, this sense of guilt, of “cheating.” It’s not because of what you did but because it’s forcing you to realize that you’re being very selfish in this relationship, regardless of whether or not this other woman even existed.

    So, be cool. Own that. Let your gf go so she can be adored back, the way we all deserve. That’s the grown up move, and you’ll feel yourself grow an important inch or two if you can make it.

  10. 01-30-2019, 07:28 PM

  11. #9
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedInNZ
    It's difficult because I've been single for 4+ years and found it so hard to meet people and my GF came along and she's so into me and that feels so nice to be wanted that much by someone... I just don't know if i want her to the same degree. But at the same time there's a voice in my head saying I'd be a damn idiot to let her go. I literally don't know what to do. And this night the other night with the other girl has only deepened the confusion.

    What a selfish individual you are. Terrible! She deserves a hell of a lot better!

    Why don't you ask your gf what you should do? Show her this thread.

  12. #10
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedInNZ
    ugh.. I hate hurting people... I really hate it. But yes I know I'm only hurting her more if I don't feel the same way. But do we need to feel the same way.. I mean I like her a lot.. I'm not getting any younger.. is it wise of me to let her go in pursuit of something that has to be 100% PERFECT, because I know that's never going to happen. Right?
    Wow! Unbelievable.

    End it with your gf. She deserves a man that values her, not settles.

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