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Thread: 3-4 Month Break in Relationship

  1. #1

    3-4 Month Break in Relationship

    My girlfriend and I had been together for 8 months, and things seemed to be going good, however I am in college and she is a senior in high school. I'm 70 miles away from her and we only got to see each other once or twice a month, and she was always busy with homework or other commitments so we usually didn't get to see each other very long, this led to most of our relationship taking place over text from September to now. Last Sunday she told me she wanted to take a break so that she could figure things out in her own life and what she wants in a relationship since I was her first real relationship and we barely got to see each other and be a couple.
    She decided she wants to take a break until both of us have time to actually be in a relationship and that is the summer which, as the title says, is 3-4 months away. I talked to her again after the initial talk to make sure she actually meant a break, and that she wasn't using that word as a transition to breaking up, and she told me she did mean a break. She still wants to stay close during the break and she still cares about me but I think the distance took a toll on her emotionally, at least more than it did for me. She also told me not to get hung up and go out and date other people, but at the moment I don't have anything else to do besides wait, but I still found it a little odd that she said that since she seems committed to getting back together. I guess I want to ask if a 3-4 month break is too long for the relationship to actually continue? Again we are staying close (I'm giving her space at the moment though) but I still don't know if that will help.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. She's young, in high school, inexperienced and probably lonely. It would be best to go no contact so you don't end up in the friendzone.
    Originally Posted by rockbottom23
    I am in college and she is a senior in high school.
    She still wants to stay close during the break and she still cares about me but I think the distance took a toll on her emotionally, at least more than it did for me. She also told me not to get hung up and go out and date other people.

  3. #3
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. She's young, in high school, inexperienced and probably lonely. It would be best to go no contact so you don't end up in the friendzone.
    Thanks for the advice, but would cutting her off completely really help? Obviously I donít want to be texting her all the time and all that but we are still in the same friend group (itís how we met) and so itís kinda impossible to not interact with her at all. Also I donít want her to forget about me and move on from me and go to someone else although I know I donít have much control over that

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    After the summer's over, won't you two go back to being long distance? It's hard enough for people well into adulthood to manage LDRs, but for two young people, who are very busy navigating education and preparing for careers, it's even more difficult. Both people in the relationship have to be committed for the sacrifices it takes to stick it out.

    In my opinion, a person who asks for a break doesn't really care, because she knows there is a risk of losing you with the break. I'd ask her what she foresees happening once summer is over and the long distance happens again.

    This is the time of life young people are exposed to so many attractive, single people their age. It takes a serious commitment to avoid the daily temptations of attractive people hitting on you, when you're only 18 and might feel like life is passing you by as you sit home on a Saturday night if all of your girlfriends are out with boyfriends, etc.

    The human brain isn't fully formed until age 25. A person is busy discovering who they are during these formative years. If a person doesn't fully know who they are, how will they be able to properly choose a lifetime partner at this stage?

    She's probably afraid of your emotions if she broke up with you right now, and is letting the break ease into a breakup. I'm just guessing, but have a more in depth discussion about how she expects to navigate a LDR after the summer, and tell her to be honest with you because you don't want to waste your time waiting around if she doesn't feel 100 percent confidence in continuing on with you. Let her know you will be okay not matter the decision, which you will be. If she's not the one, know that fate has someone else in store for you. Someone who will never let you go--not even once.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    It sounds like she wants to date other people and is using this "break" as a smokescreen to avoid dealing with the pain of a breakup and to have the option of getting back together with you in the summer if the dating thing doesn't work out.

    I think Andrina makes a good point... even if you do get back together in the summer, you still go back to LD after summer is over. It's time to start thinking about the future of this relationship and mentally preparing to let it go as it doesn't seem like she wants to do long distance.

  7. #6
    Originally Posted by Andrina
    After the summer's over, won't you two go back to being long distance? It's hard enough for people well into adulthood to manage LDRs, but for two young people, who are very busy navigating education and preparing for careers, it's even more difficult. Both people in the relationship have to be committed for the sacrifices it takes to stick it out.

    In my opinion, a person who asks for a break doesn't really care, because she knows there is a risk of losing you with the break. I'd ask her what she foresees happening once summer is over and the long distance happens again.

    This is the time of life young people are exposed to so many attractive, single people their age. It takes a serious commitment to avoid the daily temptations of attractive people hitting on you, when you're only 18 and might feel like life is passing you by as you sit home on a Saturday night if all of your girlfriends are out with boyfriends, etc.

    The human brain isn't fully formed until age 25. A person is busy discovering who they are during these formative years. If a person doesn't fully know who they are, how will they be able to properly choose a lifetime partner at this stage?

    She's probably afraid of your emotions if she broke up with you right now, and is letting the break ease into a breakup. I'm just guessing, but have a more in depth discussion about how she expects to navigate a LDR after the summer, and tell her to be honest with you because you don't want to waste your time waiting around if she doesn't feel 100 percent confidence in continuing on with you. Let her know you will be okay not matter the decision, which you will be. If she's not the one, know that fate has someone else in store for you. Someone who will never let you go--not even once.
    Oh wow I left out the important detail that she will be attending the same University as I am so it wonít be long distance beginning in May. Also, I think as of right now she wants to get back together, I clarified it with her in a second talk and I told her to be honest with me, and she was sincere about it.

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by maew
    It sounds like she wants to date other people and is using this "break" as a smokescreen to avoid dealing with the pain of a breakup and to have the option of getting back together with you in the summer if the dating thing doesn't work out.

    I think Andrina makes a good point... even if you do get back together in the summer, you still go back to LD after summer is over. It's time to start thinking about the future of this relationship and mentally preparing to let it go as it doesn't seem like she wants to do long distance.
    Iím not sure if people get notifications or not but Iíll post it again just in case: Oh wow I left out the important detail that she will be attending the same University as I am so it wonít be long distance beginning in May. Also, I think as of right now she wants to get back together, I clarified it with her in a second talk and I told her to be honest with me, and she was sincere about it.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    So she can't even make it 4 months to regularly be together again? If you can't date other people during this break, it means less communication? It means she doesn't want to physically see you once or twice a month? Doesn't sound very promising.

    Last Sunday she told me she wanted to take a break so that she could figure things out in her own life and what she wants in a relationship

    Looks like you have two choices, and I'm assuming you'll take the first: 1) Wait and see what epiphanies come her way during the break and abide by her break rules.

    Or: 2) Tell her if she's not 100 percent confident in being with you, it's best to do a clean break now so you're not set on ice until the summer thaw.

    Most people don't marry their first love. Sounds like she's the type of person who might regret not sowing her wild oats before settling down to a serious commitment.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok give her a very long leash and see what happens in 3-4 mos.

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by Andrina
    So she can't even make it 4 months to regularly be together again? If you can't date other people during this break, it means less communication? It means she doesn't want to physically see you once or twice a month? Doesn't sound very promising.

    Last Sunday she told me she wanted to take a break so that she could figure things out in her own life and what she wants in a relationship

    Looks like you have two choices, and I'm assuming you'll take the first: 1) Wait and see what epiphanies come her way during the break and abide by her break rules.

    Or: 2) Tell her if she's not 100 percent confident in being with you, it's best to do a clean break now so you're not set on ice until the summer thaw.

    Most people don't marry their first love. Sounds like she's the type of person who might regret not sowing her wild oats before settling down to a serious commitment.
    She said that I shouldnít get hung up and to go date other people if I want, for that part of the reply. But she had been thinking about it for a little awhile (around 2-3 weeks) and she talked with a friend and they agreed that a texting wasnít a good way to build and be in a relationship. Yes she had fun when she saw me and she enjoyed being with me, but it was hard on her to be in a relationship (especially her first relationship) when she didnít have time to really be in one when I was at home and then most of the time I was gone. She also has other things going on in her life with mental illness that she needs to figure out. Maybe Iím being too optimistic though to see your message lol

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