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Thread: How much time to spend together/apart in a relationship

  1. #21
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    OP, bluecastle has nailed it. Where is your voice?

    I know couples in which he is, say, a multicontinental business leader and she is the manager of family, household, and schedules. She sees friends during the week and leaves her weekends for activities that are designed for him or at least include him. Both of their calendars are full, and somewhat inflexible, but no matter what, she maximizes her ability to support his schedule. The difference? She has an equal and prominent voice in their marriage. He ensures she has whatever she requires. He supports her interests and desires as valuable simply because they are hers.

    In your situation, it is as if you are an extension of him, as opposed to an expression of yourself. Even though his world affords him a certain amount of privilege and power, does that make him worth more than you? And if so, why would he want to be with someone lesser than himself?

    Express yourself, in a way that simply and happily asserts your interest. "I am going to my exercise class, and then to coffee with two of my classmates. I will see you in four hours. Can't wait to see you then. Bye!" Don't give him the option to be your manager; you don't need one.

    Back on that airplane, maybe its even, "I m happy to sit wherever, it will be a great trip." Stop valuing yourself using his materialistic measuring stick. You are worth more than that, and so is he. Whether he knows it or not.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You are twisting yourself into a pretzel to be with this man, but deep down you know this is all wrong. Yes, he is controlling and manipulative. The whole point of manipulative is that it's insidious and hard to grasp. You can't be manipulated if you see right through it, can you? Seems like your inner voice is screaming at you and ringing alarm bells full blast, but you are trying to silence that voice and deny reality. For what? Is his wealth and status worth losing yourself over and walking on eggshells? Only you can decide on the right answer for that.

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