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Thread: 9 year relationship over

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I don't think there is anything I can say at this point that will help.
    You are ruminating and spinning around with how to fix, change or control this.
    When you get tired enough, you might be able to see things more clearly.

    In the meantime, practice letting go.
    It will do you both some good.
    Trust me Iím trying to let go. I did end up sending that message so she can understand where Iím at and to not contact me unless it pertains to our son. She said ďyouíre fine. I understand where youíre at completely and itís fine. I just want to make sure we keep communication open is all.Ē All I said to that was ok to end conversation and she sends me another message saying that she appreciates me clearing up the air. All I say is youíre welcome. Now sheís texting me asking me if I have class tomorrow and I say yes and she says ďMan. I havenít finished payroll and the office is closed again tomorrow. I donít know what to do.Ē I didnít respond to this because this has nothing to do with our kid and normally I would go out of my way to help her but I feel thatís not my responsibility anymore.I tried to make that clear by the message I sent earlier. I donít know how I could have been any clearer. She hasnít used her time responsibility at all which is why she hasnít got her work done. My son takes naps and from 6pm to 12am when she would normally go to sleep she could get it done but she plays games instead.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    A little verbose and redundant, but sounds like trying to co-parent (very well) and communicate about that. All this communication revolves around your son and what's going on regarding him.

    Sounds like excellent co-parenting and supportive informative communication from her end. You are lucky your son has such a fine mother who puts her ego aside for your son's sake.
    Originally Posted by calikid32190
    She did randomly text me this morning saying ďgood morning. I want to say thank you for being a father who sticks around. I know you have your own stuff going on but you have been there for Lucas when it counts. So many parents and fathers give up on their kids and youíre not one of them. So, thank you. Not for me, but for Lucas.Iím happy that he has his daddyĒ.

    Then she texts me right after that saying ďAlso, daycare is closed today because of the weather. Day 3 no work for me. Lol.Ē

  3. #43
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    Do you believe your son is in immediate danger when his mother is at home with him playing video games?

    If so, call the local CPS and begin a case to get him out of her custody.

    If not, stop obsessing over what she's doing under the guise of being concerned for your child! That's not what it's about and I think you know it.

  4. #44
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    We had a talk today she said she still loves me but needs time to heal from all the stuff that has happened to her over her life. She is seeing her therapist and trying to get better and says she wants to work towards a friendship but she needs to fix herself first before that can happen. She told me her therapist is helping her let go of all the stuff she has bottled up in her life not just when we had the verbal abuse problems everything that has happened over her life. Thatís something sheís always had a hard time doing is letting go and this will help her become better. She reiterated that I was amazing over the 7 months but that she felt dirty because she wasnít in love with me how she used to be and she was saying I donít deserve her and I deserve someone who will love me the way I was with her. I went and scrapped some thick ice off of her car today in 18 degree weather and was out there for 20 mins and was freezing when I came inside. She seen my hands were cold and she offered to warm my hands up with hers. Itís these type of things that just confuse me and wonder if she just needs to let go off the pain before we can try to be together again. She told me she has no one and I told her that I will be her support regardless if weíre togther or not and she said she has to keep me at a distance right now and that she canít have me support her in anyway. This really sucks because she told me she is going to have to move because she canít afford rent now and I said I could help and she wonít let me. Then she has moments where I can tell she cares for me and itís so confusing. I could have easily warmed my hands up without using hers. Itís the first time weíve touched each other since everything that has happened.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by calikid32190
    She is seeing her therapist and trying to get better and says she wants to work towards a friendship but she needs to fix herself first before that can happen. She told me her therapist is helping her let go of all the stuff she has bottled up in her life not just when we had the verbal abuse problems everything that has happened over her life. She reiterated that I was amazing over the 7 months but that she felt dirty because she wasnít in love with me how she used to be and she was saying I donít deserve her and I deserve someone who will love me the way I was with her.
    It seems like you are trying to read between the lines.
    When you consider everything at stake, a child and uprooting yourself to move, ending a relationship - these are colossal decisions to make and aren't made easily.

    If she can say these things to you, she has been giving it some careful consideration for some time. She has spent time rehearsing how to say these words to you so it will be gentle, yet firm and something she is hoping you can understand.
    This is clearly not an impulsive decision.

    I wouldn't get hung up on the hand warming. She is trying to keep the peace and have an amicable separation.

    The alternative is she is harsh and mean to get your attention. Don't push for that.

    I get it takes time to process this and come to terms with it. But this is what's happening.
    The sooner you wrap your head around it, the better.
    I am sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear.

    There is no way to predict the future for you two, but if you want any remote chance of reconciliation, how you handle your end of this will definitely influence this one way or another. At the very least you two will be amicable for the sake of the child.
    From where I sit, it's worth everything you have to see that this happens.

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    It seems like you are trying to read between the lines.
    When you consider everything at stake, a child and uprooting yourself to move, ending a relationship - these are colossal decisions to make and aren't made easily.

    If she can say these things to you, she has been giving it some careful consideration for some time. She has spent time rehearsing how to say these words to you so it will be gentle, yet firm and something she is hoping you can understand.
    This is clearly not an impulsive decision.

    I wouldn't get hung up on the hand warming. She is trying to keep the peace and have an amicable separation.

    The alternative is she is harsh and mean to get your attention. Don't push for that.

    I get it takes time to process this and come to terms with it. But this is what's happening.
    The sooner you wrap your head around it, the better.
    I am sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear.

    There is no way to predict the future for you two, but if you want any remote chance of reconciliation, how you handle your end of this will definitely influence this one way or another. At the very least you two will be amicable for the sake of the child.
    From where I sit, it's worth everything you have to see that this happens.
    I know but touching my hands itís just weird to me because thereís so many ways for me to warm up and she offered that. She says she doesnít know what the future holds but she wants to take it slow. I told her my plans for joining the military when Iím finshied with school next year and she started crying I feel thereís feelings there still she used to not want me to do that when we were together and its the same now. I definitely do want a chance for us to reconcile and be a family again. Right now she is choosing to focus on herself and get better and I want to be supportive of that as well. Doing everything I can for my family I think she needs to distance herself a little because if we get to close we fall back into each other and right now she needs to get herself right and I want to be supportive of that

  8. #47
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    Alright guys itís been awhile since I posted on this. She went to Texas with my son on Friday and theyíve been up there for almost a week. Thereís literally been no contact. She contacted me once saying my son wanted to talk to me and I had worked the overnight shift so I was sleeping when she said that then I even said sorry I was sleeping and she ignored me the whole rest of the day and has not updated me at all about my son since and that was Saturday. I find out from her mom that she is playing the game while she is up there and when her mom tells me that Iím like youíve got to be kidding me. She went up there to see her mom her baby brother and baby sister and yet sheís doing the exact same thing she was doing here over there and thatís her family who she really wanted to see. Her mom told me once my son goes down for a nap she plays the game then when he wakes up she takes care of him but that when he goes back down for the night which is at 7pm she plays the game the rest of the time until 11-12am.

    Then I find out the dude she cheated on me with through Xbox she is planing on meeting up with him this weekend and I think itís just sad. Sheís going to be leaving my son with her mom for the weekend. This has really opened my eyes to the kind of person Iím dealing with. We were together for almost 10 years and all of a sudden you are going to try to hookup with this person now? Sheís never even met him in real life just through the game and I even asked her if she had plans to meet up with this dude and she said they talked about it but that she didnít feel comfortable and I knew she was lying when she told me that. Have no idea why she couldnít just be honest. Weíre not together anymore so whatís the point of trying to hide it? Either way I feel like it was a blessing for me. I now have my own place for me and my son and I have a lot of goals that Iím trying to accomplish that is helping me in moving forward.

  9. #48
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    Man I'm sorry I hope you guys can work things thru.

  10. #49
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    Don't do no contact if you have a kid with her. Just be there for her sanity so she can be sane when it comes to being a mother to your child. You guys both need some time and space that off and on isn't good for any of you. Just be friends and take it from there. Do not rush anything.

  11. #50
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    Originally Posted by Editionml3
    Don't do no contact if you have a kid with her. Just be there for her sanity so she can be sane when it comes to being a mother to your child. You guys both need some time and space that off and on isn't good for any of you. Just be friends and take it from there. Do not rush anything.
    I donít think itís possible to work through it anymore. She clearly never cared about me if sheís already trying to hookup with someone she has never met before except through the video game. Iím able to do NC now because I got my own place and weíve talked about splitting my son 50/50 so I get him Sundayís,Mondayís and Wednesdayís and she gets him the other 4. Whoever has him takes him to daycare then the other person picks him up so I donít have to go to her place anymore to get my son. This will help me stay away from her all together. Sheís really not cared about anything but herself since this has all happened. She said she was going to work on herself but I donít see how thatís happening when all sheís doing is playing video games every single day. Sheís using those people to boost herself up without actually figuring out any of her problems. Also donít think itís possible to be friends now especially after sheís trying to hookup with the person she cheated on me with. I donít get how she thinks thatís ever going to work. She lives here in Missouri and he lives in Texas heís never going to leave his kids to be with her and she canít move to Texas because I have 50/50 custody with my son so I donít get it.

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