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Thread: 9 year relationship over

  1. #21
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    It seems sheís just being more mean because Iím doing NC. Today when I went over there my son had one sock on and she gave me 2 socks because she couldnít find the missing one and itís 60 degrees outside so I wasnít going to put his socks and she tells me what the are you thinking all because I wasnít going to put his socks on when itís not even cold. I just ignored that and got my son and left. She used to always say the one thing she hated more than anything was being ignored and thatís what NC is. I felt that her talking to me like that was disrespectful and for no reason at all that warranted that but I didnít give any type of reaction to it.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't do this to your kid. Stop making him a pawn in this power struggle and tug-of-war. You need to get over her. You need to love your child more than this power struggle and petty bs with her. Take the high road.

    Realize it's over. Realize you have an innocent child to care about. Realize "nc" is nonsense if you need to co-parent. Realize that being provocative and petty and combative is not helping you or your son nor is it even getting to her (since that is your motive). You are making yourself crazy much more than she is.
    Originally Posted by calikid32190
    Today when I went over there my son had one sock on and she gave me 2 socks because she couldnít find the missing one and itís 60 degrees outside so I wasnít going to put his socks and she tells me what the are you thinking all because I wasnít going to put his socks on when itís not even cold. I just ignored that and got my son and left.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Don't do this to your kid. Stop making him a pawn in this power struggle and tug-of-war. You need to get over her. You need to love your child more than this power struggle and petty bs with her. Take the high road.

    Realize it's over. Realize you have an innocent child to care about. Realize "nc" is nonsense if you need to co-parent. Realize that being provocative and petty and combative is not helping you or your son nor is it even getting to her (since that is your motive). You are making yourself crazy much more than she is.
    We have stuff in place for our son but when I go to pick him up she always seems to try to get a reaction out of me and it was only after I started doing NC.All I try to do is just pick up my son so I can hang out with him and sometimes it goes smooth and sometimes she just wants to say extra stuff for no reason and I donít give it any attention when she does I just let her say whatever she wants. Itís becoming hard to co parent because I feel like I have to do a lot more stuff like shower potty training and things of that nature because she is so addicted to playing the video game or watching people play the video game that she is barley giving him attention yet if I say something about it she just ignores it and denies. Sheís very much just caring about herself right now and itís effecting my son. Thereís days she will not go to work and take my son to daycare while she stays home to play the video game. I go to school all week so I canít do anything about that. I just have no idea whatís going on with her anymore itís like I donít even know the person.

  4. #24
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    So with the whole co parenting thing she decided to stay home yesterday with our son for whatever reason she said he was sick and typically as long as he doesnít have strep she would bring him in. Well she didnít go to work and stayed home with him and I got him at my usual time of 6:15 and when I bring him back and 7:30 he goes to bed so she had 5 hours to do any type of work and she tells me sheís exhausted at that point when in reality she plays the video game the whole time. Then today comes and she doesnít go again to take him to the doctors appointment and all the doctor said is he has a cough just take cough medicine and when heís been with me he hasnít had a fever or even looked sick. I really think it was an excuse to stay home and play her game since weíve always taken him to school unless it was something that was contagious. So she then texts me today saying if thereís anyway I can take my son earlier today because with her staying at home yesterday and today sheís so far behind on work. Meanwhile my last 2 days Iíve had work and school and am very involved with things at my school where I normally donít get home until late.

    She then says she is asking me because she hasnít bothered me to help her yesterday or today even though both days Iíve been at school trying to accomplish things. Sheís asking if I have the opportunity to help but she has had time to get it done. Our son takes naps he took a 3 hour nap yesterday and the whole time she played the game. So in situations like these she would be asking me for help but she tries to use my son as a way for me to in reality help her. When heís with me I still have to get my work done for school regardless if Iím tired and like I said sheís had good amounts of time to get it done but has chosen to play the video game since thatís all sheís doing with her life now. When it comes to situations like these I donít feel thatís fair co parenting at all. She chose to put off work then expects me to take my son so she can get it done and rather than thanking me for it she would say something like thanks for taking care of your child rather than acknowledging I would helping her.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    How do you know for a fact what she does with her personal time?

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    How do you know for a fact what she does with her personal time?
    She still has me as a friend on Xbox so anytime sheís on it shows me just like anytime Iím on it shows her. Not only that but she tells me what sheís doing when I ask why she didnít do it in her free time. In this scenario I donít think itís fair at all because she chose to be irresponsible it now falls on me to help her and I donít feel thatís my problem anymore.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You know you have no control over her behavior, right?
    So given you have no control, then why focus on what she's doing so much?
    Use that energy to take of yourself and your son. Stop focusing on her. It's pointless and just makes you even more miserable.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    You know you have no control over her behavior, right?
    So given you have no control, then why focus on what she's doing so much?
    Use that energy to take of yourself and your son. Stop focusing on her. It's pointless and just makes you even more miserable.
    Trust me when I say Iím trying. But then she tries to do something like this and I feel like this has nothing to really do with co parenting but she will say it does. She chose to not get her work done and not be a responsible adult. Whatís sheís used to is me bending over backwards to always help her even after the breakup and Iím not doing it this time. When she fell behind on work and we were together I would tell her go to the room and get it done and Iíll take care of our son. Now I donít feel thatís my responsibility. Is that wrong? I do want to get back with her at the end of the day but I need to not give in when she asks me to do stuff for her that has nothing to do with our son. Iíve been very distance from her which never happens when we break up I donít even text her at all. The only text I normally get from her is stuff about my son but every now and then I get something like this. I feel like she is trying to test me to see if Iíll just give in and cancel what I had going to help her because I did that before.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Without going back and rereading, I am assuming you two have legal custody perimeters in place?
    It's a tough situation when one parent isn't upholding their end and the other parent is concerned about the child's welfare.
    It's about a balance of letting her fail and feeling consequences and at the same time protecting the child.
    You shouldn't be so quick to respond to her calls for help. Does she have anyone else to rely on for child care that you trust?
    In the meantime document everything and consider going back to court to get more custody.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Without going back and rereading, I am assuming you two have legal custody perimeters in place?
    It's a tough situation when one parent isn't upholding their end and the other parent is concerned about the child's welfare.
    It's about a balance of letting her fail and feeling consequences and at the same time protecting the child.
    You shouldn't be so quick to respond to her calls for help. Does she have anyone else to rely on for child care that you trust?
    In the meantime document everything and consider going back to court to get more custody.
    Like right now Iím on Xbox and sheís on and I know my son is awake considering I get him in 15 mins. Itís just sad that this is consuming her life now. We donít have anything in place she didnít want to have to go through all the court stuff so we just agreed on splitting time evenly. She doesnít have any of her family out here at all and she doesnít get along with anyone in my family. She doesnít even have friends so yea itís kind of hard. Not really sure how I would document this stuff either unfortunately.

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