First time dating someone I like and scared to let my guard down

So after a few years involved in a toxic relationship, in 2018 I started to regain trust in my self, working on my self esteem, doing yoga, getting to know ME again (which I´m still enjoying the process of focusing and spending time on doing things I like and whatever helps my growth). I started dating last month, dated a girl for a couple of times and we didn´t really connect, so I moved on. Just last weekend I started talking to this girl I met, we text, we send each other voice messages and we seem to hit it off just fine. Of course meeting her took me by surprise because I was just meeting people fr fun and she is someone that is actually very interesting and that I would like to get to know better. I´m planning on taking things super slow and paying close attention to her personality, her goals, what she wants, just getting to really know her. I am however (I admit) scared. I´m paying close attention to our conversations being more rational rather than thinking with my heart. And I´m scared (as I learned with previous girl I was dating) to open my heart again. With the girl I dated last month, I evaluated my behavior and realized that I would be a bit cold and not asked much about her, I would struggle to be warm with her because I felt she would steal a part of me that I´m scared to give again which is a bit of love and attention ( I know it might sound stupid). And with this girl I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt because she is really interesting and something feels very good with her. I guess eventually I will know the next step as I feel more confident. Being protective of my self doesn´t sound irrational, but I am scared. In your experience dating, how do you over come your fear of the unknown? How have you balanced your fear with being outgoing?

you're too black and white. it isn't "either i open my heart or compeltely close it."

Besides it's far too early in this thing to really be that far along..

So let me help you with what i've recently learned. JUST HAVE FUN! don't make anything bigger than it is, or smaller than it is - just let it be!

I've had far more success and a LOT more fun just having fun, not worrying about "where this is going" "how are we doing" "what did that mean" and trying to analyze and assess what the ultimate outcome of meeting this person will be - on the first, second, third, or fourth, or ANY date anymore. I just go out, have fun, have a grat time, show them a great tiem, and just let whatever feels and seems right at the moment - that's what we do. If it's hugging.. it is. If it's kissing, it is. if it's just friends.. it is. If it's intimacy.. it is. I don't analyze it. I just go with it. Because no 10-20-50 yr relationsihp is solidified and built and determined in 2-3 months of dating. So take your time.. JUST BE IN THE MOMENT and stop analyzing it all in your head or worrying about it. be you, let her be her, let the moment be the moment.

After a few months, 1 yr, 5 yrs - it'll be pretty obvious what it is whether you try or not. It'll be obvious. So just let it become obvious on its own rather than you trying to figure it out before it all happens. Not only is that stressful and hard work, it's actually taking away from your abiliyt to have fun and INCRASE your chances of success (the less fun e are, the more distracted we are from the moment, the more we're thinking in our head rather than paying attention and having fun - the LESS chance it'll be successful).

Stephanie you just need to chill a bit ..by being cautious and self aware you are actually raking over everything with a fine tooth comb and analysing a bit too much . Although I do understand the method in the madness.

It will all piece together as your confidence builds and you begin to relax .

You have learnt from past experiences and you have taken on board how they left you feeling and know what you do not want , so that's fab ...now just relax and enjoy getting to know someone .

Thanks Pippy, I do feel a bit of an ache for love still from a past experience, I guess the anxiety comes a bit from meeting someone new and so cool.

I love your IT IS motto, and just living in the moment. I very much appreciate your words. Thank you so much.

Great to hear that you've met someone you like. How long since your last breakup?

Being nervous is part of dating territory for everyone. It's a level playing field, unless you start to dramatize it into making yourself feel freakish or otherwise incapable of using reasonable caution and good sense. I'd skip language like the stuff below to make things easier and 'normalize' what can otherwise be the typical scary landscape we all need to navigate.

I felt she would steal a part of me that I´m scared to give

Nobody has that kind of control over you, so don't relinquish your own highest intelligence in favor of dastardly fantasies.

Head high, and trust your Self.