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Thread: My exís mom called me.

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by Austino96
    I get that and have done it.

    Let me ask a different question to you guys.

    Do you guys believe that in order to truly be self sufficient and happy in yourself that you first need to be alone for a while and learn those things by yourself? Clearly with my past and troubles working on myself and my future should be my thought process, correct?

    Iíve heard that over time being single will help you get over the past and will teach you how to be happy within yourself.

    I believe this does anyone else does? Should this be my mindset in my life right now? Never really been single in my adult life. I keep telling myself idc what anyone thinks hoping that someday itíll become true. Helps my confidence that.

    Honestly Not being in a relationship scares me. Me saying that I know thatís not the right way to live. Basically should I just stay single until Iím not scared anymore. Also should I not pursue casual relationships? Recently slept with this one girl last weekend for the first time since my relationship ended. Didnít make me feel better but I liked it so yeah.
    If you have a history of choosing losers and abusers - yes, you should not be in a relationship for awhile - so that when you are ready you don't just accept the first that comes along because you are lonely -- you can be very discerning. No, you should not pursue casual relationships right now. friendships, yes, go out with male friends, family of either gender to movies, local events, etc.
    Figure out what makes you tick, new hobbies, things you like to do.

    people have different ideas of casual relationships - casual to some is unattached sex. to me, casual is occasionally asking someone out when you have an extra ticket to something - having activity partners of the opposite sex - seeing a movie now and then with someone. Right now, you don't want to do casual of either type because the other person might get invested and then you will feel obligated to get into another relationship.

  2. #32
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    Nothing wrong with casual dating (and sex) if both parties are OK with it and you use protection (condoms) so your future girlfriend/wife will not be exposed to STDs.

    And what is so frightening to you about not having a girlfriend? What calamity do you think will beset you if you don't have a woman you can call "girlfriend"?

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Nothing wrong with casual dating (and sex) if both parties are OK with it and you use protection (condoms) so your future girlfriend/wife will not be exposed to STDs.

    And what is so frightening to you about not having a girlfriend? What calamity do you think will beset you if you don't have a woman you can call "girlfriend"?
    But in this case, where the OP is afraid to not be in a relationship -- i advise against all "psuedorelationships" as well until the OP is cool with being solo.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Nothing wrong with casual dating (and sex) if both parties are OK with it and you use protection (condoms) so your future girlfriend/wife will not be exposed to STDs.

    And what is so frightening to you about not having a girlfriend? What calamity do you think will beset you if you don't have a woman you can call "girlfriend"?
    Abitbroken makes a fair point. I kinda just get sucked into somethings after sex. Like not feelings but wanting more of it from a person not trying to get to sexual here but also giving it to a person.

    I donít know I guess I feel like if I donít have one Iíll be alone. I guess Iím scared of being alone or lonely. Validation issues there right? Thatís why I should stay single so I can figure that out right? Makes sense to me. I need to be a man. Knowing that I have the urge to have a relationship makes me feel unattractive and I hate that.

    True happiness lies within yeah. I got to find that.
    Iím not gonna pursue but I wonít deny someone who is interested in me if I like them I guess.

    Safe sex very good advice esp after a long term relationship.

    Working on clearing that baggage from my old relationship. Feels good knowing one day Iíll be over this completely.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by Austino96
    Abitbroken makes a fair point. I kinda just get sucked into somethings after sex. Like not feelings but wanting more of it from a person not trying to get to sexual here but also giving it to a person.

    I donít know I guess I feel like if I donít have one Iíll be alone. I guess Iím scared of being alone or lonely. Validation issues there right? Thatís why I should stay single so I can figure that out right? Makes sense to me. I need to be a man. Knowing that I have the urge to have a relationship makes me feel unattractive and I hate that.

    True happiness lies within yeah. I got to find that.
    Iím not gonna pursue but I wonít deny someone who is interested in me if I like them I guess.

    Safe sex very good advice esp after a long term relationship.

    Working on clearing that baggage from my old relationship. Feels good knowing one day Iíll be over this completely.
    But look at all what you can do NOT in a relationship - if you wanted to switch careers - take classes, go on a trip with a buddy, etc, or go on a trip with your whole family - you can do that. you don't have to discuss it to make sure it fits in with their expectations. And if you can be alone, you will be stronger in a relationship because you aren't choosing just the next woman who comes along no matter if they are right or not. you can pass over women who is perfectly fine, but whose life is going in another direction than yours, women who are not emotionally available, etc....

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