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Thread: My ex’s mom called me.

  1. #21
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    I shouldn’t even gave her my number. I screwed that up. Weird how I don’t go searching for info but when it’s dangled in front of me I bite.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You should dlete and block your ex and ALL her people after a breakup. Then this wouldn't be happening and the mother would find a better solution.
    Agreed and will do. I shouldn’t of said anything at all. Drama is all I caused from this probably. I didnt block her family because I thought why in the heck would they ever contact me. My ex is blocked tho so that’s all good.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Austino96
    All the info I gave I got from my ex while we where dating. She told me all this stuff. I also told her mother that my ex said he changed. I gave her my opinion. Tbh I wish she wouldn’t called me I don’t really want to be involved with it. The relationship is dead regardless I gave it up.

    Made me feel bad because I still care.
    How do you know so much about your ex's current boyfriend? Why would your ex tell you all that?

    But as the others say back off and don't be involved. You won't be helping anyone. This is a case for her mother and for professionals.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    How do you know so much about your ex's current boyfriend? Why would your ex tell you all that?

    But as the others say back off and don't be involved. You won't be helping anyone. This is a case for her mother and for professionals.
    My ex and him where friends during our 3 year relationship it didn’t bother me. He had major issues me and her would talk about. He dated one of her friends and it was very toxic he was very toxic. It never occurred to me that she was interested in him. It’s weird all the negative stuff she told me about him didn’t matter anymore. Oh well.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Austino96
    Oh well.
    This.

    Easier said than done, of course.

    My theory, for what it's worth, is that sometimes we're drawn to dark people when we're in a dark place. And sometimes—well, at least in my experience, especially when I was around your age—we need to wade into some darkness, get lost for a bit, get beat up a bit, in order to find our own light.

    You've seen some darkness, I know, much of it (like me) out of your control. Childhood stuff that rears its head in adulthood. Can't choose our parents, can't control how they treat us, and so on. And you're working through that—with plenty of grace and introspection, it's clear. That's your own light coming through, and it's precious.

    And it can make it really, really hard not to want to step in when we see others in the dark. Instead of saying "Oh well" we say "What can we do?" And even: "Did I somehow do this?"

    But, really, we can't do anything and "Oh well," simple as those words are, is really the only path in a situation like this. It's the way we keep our own light from dimming, how we teach ourselves to stop finding false comfort in darkness—seeking it ourselves, seeking others who are drawn to it as opposed to seeking those who allow us to shine brighter.

    So, again, wish her well in your head and heart (your light) and let her walk whatever path she needs while doing the same for yourself (protecting that light).

  7. #26
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    This.

    Easier said than done, of course.

    My theory, for what it's worth, is that sometimes we're drawn to dark people when we're in a dark place. And sometimes—well, at least in my experience, especially when I was around your age—we need to wade into some darkness, get lost for a bit, get beat up a bit, in order to find our own light.

    You've seen some darkness, I know, much of it (like me) out of your control. Childhood stuff that rears its head in adulthood. Can't choose our parents, can't control how they treat us, and so on. And you're working through that—with plenty of grace and introspection, it's clear. That's your own light coming through, and it's precious.

    And it can make it really, really hard not to want to step in when we see others in the dark. Instead of saying "Oh well" we say "What can we do?" And even: "Did I somehow do this?"

    But, really, we can't do anything and "Oh well," simple as those words are, is really the only path in a situation like this. It's the way we keep our own light from dimming, how we teach ourselves to stop finding false comfort in darkness—seeking it ourselves, seeking others who are drawn to it as opposed to seeking those who allow us to shine brighter.

    So, again, wish her well in your head and heart (your light) and let her walk whatever path she needs while doing the same for yourself (protecting that light).
    This is the most beautiful post I have read in a while. <3 Yessssssssssssss.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    This is the most beautiful post I have read in a while. <3 Yessssssssssssss.
    Thank you, thank you.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Thank you, thank you.
    Very great post man. I know that I need to let it go and move on. Honestly even if she came to me and said all the I was wrongs and I miss yous. Even with the work I’m trying to put in myself. It couldn’t wouldn’t work. I couldn’t allow myself in that situation again. That’s what sucks about it, I know there’s no coming back from it. I knew it 3 months ago as well I just didn’t want to believe it then. Can’t run away from the obvious I need to be a man.

    Wanting the reality of it to be different. I need to keep myself in the present moment and stop fantasizing about her possibly coming back just to validate me. In the end it wouldn’t matter if she did or didn’t. I Need to break that cycle and stop giving a crap about what other people think of me. It’s so odd seeing someone destroy themselves(IMO) someone you truly loved and cared about immensely.

    I’ll bring myself back to the oh wells. I feel as if I kinda dodged a nuclear tipped bullet. Maybe I’m lucky that I was able to see my errors of the relationship. I know I’ll be better than I was before. My ego and validation from her has to go.

    My mom and sister told me today that she’s gonna come running back to me. Excuse my mother IK she’s wrong for saying that stuff she’s very odd.
    It fills me up with hot air and makes me fantasize that moment. Then it’s back to the oh well it wouldn’t matter anyway. In the end it’s about me. Fantasizing about that BS only means I still want validation. That has to stop.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sadly she seems to keep getting into abusive relationships and just bounces around from one to the next.

    Perhaps it's having a mother who is so totally clueless and has her head in so far the clouds that she calls one bf to talk about another. Rather than have intelligent supportive communication with her own daughter or seek out appropriate help if indeed she thought the daughter was actually in peril.

    The mother seems rather manipulative and dramatic more so than helpful. It's time to block her and all her friends, family people from all your messaging apps and social media. Unless of course you are hoping mama's concerns about this abusive relationship will bring her back to you.
    Originally Posted by Austino96
    stop fantasizing about her possibly coming back just to validate me. My mom and sister told me today that she’s gonna come running back to me.

  11. #30
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    I get that and have done it.

    Let me ask a different question to you guys.

    Do you guys believe that in order to truly be self sufficient and happy in yourself that you first need to be alone for a while and learn those things by yourself? Clearly with my past and troubles working on myself and my future should be my thought process, correct?

    I’ve heard that over time being single will help you get over the past and will teach you how to be happy within yourself.

    I believe this does anyone else does? Should this be my mindset in my life right now? Never really been single in my adult life. I keep telling myself idc what anyone thinks hoping that someday it’ll become true. Helps my confidence that.

    Honestly Not being in a relationship scares me. Me saying that I know that’s not the right way to live. Basically should I just stay single until I’m not scared anymore. Also should I not pursue casual relationships? Recently slept with this one girl last weekend for the first time since my relationship ended. Didn’t make me feel better but I liked it so yeah.

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