Holly

Hi, I broke up with my ex fiancé 3 years ago due to my own fault however he’s the only man I’ve ever loved and never got over him, this last few months he’s got in touch and we’ve been texting him saying he still loves me and wanted to see me, on Sunday we met up for the first time since we spilt and eveywas still asthough it was all those years ago we got on so well he said he wanted to see me again and wants me to go on holiday with him, We ended up having sex as he was staying in a hotel and he wanted me to stay the night, however he fell asleep and I left b4 he woke up and I’ve not herd a word from him since, I don’t know what to do cuz I think he’s be hurt I left and didn’t text him so he’s probably making me stew as I’ve alwys been funny about texting first he’s always had to chase me.

It sounds like you haven't evolved much since breaking up with him 3 years earlier. He probably figured you'd matured in those years, and then saw that you're just as flaky and wishy-washy as before. As for his part, it was ridiculous to invite you on holiday when you haven't seen each other in 3 years. Doesn't sound like either of you know how to go about the proper way of dating someone. Read some articles on the subject.

If you still love him, why are you sabotaging yourself?

It's been three years. If you wanted to have a real relationship with him again, you needed to slow down and not get swept up in a tide of emotion. Sleeping with someone and disappearing before their awake indicates that you view them as a booty call. Who knows? Maybe that was all he was looking for from you.

You're whole attitude about being chased seems really unhealthy, though. I would take a break from all dating and get some professional help.

Why not pick up the phone and call him? It's only Wednesday.

Sorry to say but it sounds like he just got dumped, was having a dry spell, etc and wanted a hook up. It's nothing you did. Why did you break up back then?

Sunday we met up for the first time since we spilt and eveywas still asthough it was all those years ago we got on so well he said he wanted to see me again and wants me to go on holiday with him, We ended up having sex. I’ve not herd a word from him since

I don't understand your actions? Strange!

Get some therapy.

We are people, not prey. Yes, it is important to give a person time to be alone without hearing from you, time to let them find themselves alone and see how they want to fill that time. That is not the same as being entirely without reciprocation.

It was rude to leave before he woke, without leaving a note or message of any kind. You owe him an apology.

Instead of following rules about chasing, rules about men do this and women do that, a better course is to follow the time-tested rules of graceful behavior. Make sure to express appreciation for kindness, to treat yourself and others with kindness and respect, to be responsible for your own boundaries and to take care not to trample on others.

When you adhere to the idea of being chased, you force a man to violate your boundaries in order to win you. In so doing, you encourage the man who wins you to lose respect for you in the process.

Learn to chose, not to get chosen.

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My specific advice? Send him a note by mail expressing the most simple version of your thoughts, such as

Dear George,

It was lovely to see you these last two weeks. Thank you for seeking me out, and for hosting me at your hotel when in town. I really did enjoy our time together, despite my mysterious exit and silence since then. Please forgive me, I did not mean to be hurtful to you. I don't know why I did it; fear of rejection by you I suppose so better for me to leave before that could happen. That was selfish of me.

Nobody else inspires me the way you do. I would like to try again, if you would. No matter what happens, know that seeing you again inspired me to embark on a learning journey so that I can contribute more effectively to sustaining a long term relationship. Thank you for inspiring me.

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Then, go hire a psychotherapist. Your expectation of rejection is causing you to attract relationships that are unsustainable, and to sabotage relationships that are. You may have strong self-esteem in every other area of your life, but in this one area, it needs some analysis, pulling apart, and rebuilding. Get to work.

I wouldn't contact either if someone had sex with me and left me while I was sleeping and didn't texted me or said anything after.