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Thread: gf is sending flirty/ sexual messages to co-worker

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    For me, this is cheating and it would be game over.

    The thing about people who do this sort of thing is that it isn't about their SO or their relationship. They do it for kicks. Literally because they can. It has absolutely nothing to do with their happiness within the relationship. In fact I read some research and they found that something like over 85% of cheaters are actually 100% happy with their spouse or partner and have zero intentions to leave them. They cheat just because they can. It's more about the thrill of it in and of itself. It's also why once a cheater always a cheater tends to stand true. It's about the cheater and their inner make up, not outside factors and not the bs they feed to others, like the classic "my relationship has been dead for ages".

    Basically she doesn't leave you because this isn't about you. That said, I'm sure you don't enjoy being humiliated like that. Ultimately you have to make a decision - now that you know who she is, are you willing to turn a blind eye and tolerate it, or would you rather get out and find a decent woman who doesn't cheat.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    She's sending nudes to men she works with. Please hitch up your self-respect and dump her. How can you ever believe she's not meeting him in the back room at work... if not now then eventually. She is shameless and not someone that you should be considering as a lifetime partner. Get away from her before she becomes pregnant (by accident or on purpose) and you're tied to her for life even if you're not together as partners.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    For me, this is cheating and it would be game over.

    The thing about people who do this sort of thing is that it isn't about their SO or their relationship. They do it for kicks. Literally because they can. It has absolutely nothing to do with their happiness within the relationship. In fact I read some research and they found that something like over 85% of cheaters are actually 100% happy with their spouse or partner and have zero intentions to leave them. They cheat just because they can. It's more about the thrill of it in and of itself. It's also why once a cheater always a cheater tends to stand true. It's about the cheater and their inner make up, not outside factors and not the bs they feed to others, like the classic "my relationship has been dead for ages".

    Basically she doesn't leave you because this isn't about you. That said, I'm sure you don't enjoy being humiliated like that. Ultimately you have to make a decision - now that you know who she is, are you willing to turn a blind eye and tolerate it, or would you rather get out and find a decent woman who doesn't cheat.
    I totally agree. This is also about poor ethics and lack of respect.

    There is this common idea, specially when the woman is the cheater, but it goes both ways, that it's on the cheated person to change, to be more attractive, to give more attention to the cheater, to go to counceling to improve the relationship, to try and spice up the relationship by dating more and having more sex but I never agreed with that line of thinking many couple therapists seem to support. Sure those things are important, but cheating is about the cheater, it's about their choice and their lack of ethics. It's not on a cheated person to try to be a better partner to prevent a cheater from cheating. It doesn't work that way nor is that healthy. It also takes away the full responsibility from the cheater and prevents him/her from facing the consequences of their actions and possibly be better. And if a cheater doesn't take responsibility for their actions and try to come up with the "I did it because you didn't give me enough attention/communicated well/insert other typical justification cheaters like to use", they'll never change and turn into people worth of being trusted.

    I'd confront her and at least ask her to move out. Specially if she tries to gaslight you with "you didn't respect my privacy, I'm the victim here!". Also, she seems like a very immature and careless person because she's risking her reputation at work. This is not someone to share a life together.

  4. #14
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    I'm so sorry you are going through this! My best advice to you is to end the relationship. What she is doing is cheating. The fact that your sex life is lacking yet she finds time to flirt and be suggestive with others is a bad sign. I think you deserve a women who is interested in you and only you! A loyal partner would be shutting down any advances never mind entertaining it. You sound like a sensible man whose made efforts to improve things. She clearly has her mind elsewhere... Again I am terrible sorry but I do hope you find happiness with someone more worthy of the love you have. :)

    Think of it this way it could be much worst your only 3 years in and don't have children together I'm assuming etc so now is a good time to cut your losses with this women.

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