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Thread: I think my girlfriend is being really abusive and manipulative. Need help

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's not really guesswork, it's simple documented facts. There is a plethora of general information about abusive relationships readily available online. Also any qualified licensed therapist would have pointed this out, if you have been forthcoming about what's going on.

    The best course of action may be to get rid of this quack therapist and make an appointment with a doctor for a complete checkup and workup for any underlying predisposing issues such as depression, anxiety etc. Then get a referral to a licensed qualified therapist who practices at the standard of care and offers evidence-based treatment.

    Coming from family dysfunction and staying in abusive relationships is not DIY psychotherapy situation or allowing a quack to tell you to "go with the flow" and use hocus-pocus "treatments" on you. If you want real solutions, you'll need real help..
    Originally Posted by elmariachi93
    It is amazing how you guessed the pattern.. I feel quite ashamed I'm learning such obvious things only now.

  2. #32
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    Darn, it so astonishing and terrifying to see how I loop into this cycle. I literally right now think how awesome of a person she is and how I will lament losing her. Unbelievable. It so hard to get myself to think about it as an outsider.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Everyone does this. It's why people stay with the wrong person or abusers for as long as they do.
    Our brains seem to have this glitch in it, where we want to believe in the good of a person or convince ourselves that we're losing something great when logically we know it's bad.

    It's a struggle between the heart and brain, essentially.

    The heart can be stupid. It hangs on when our brain knows this is bad for us, it will only lead us to more pain. But the heart thinks it's doing right by focusing on the good.

    All I can tell you is, pay more attention to the head. Remind yourself of why you wrote this post. Don't downplay how bad she's been to you or how bad the situation has been.
    Be smart about this and don't fall into the wallowing of sad feelings that make you second guess yourself.

    It's tough, but at the end of the day you need to make decisions based on facts and logic and not what your heart convinces you of.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by elmariachi93
    Darn, it so astonishing and terrifying to see how I loop into this cycle. I literally right now think how awesome of a person she is and how I will lament losing her. Unbelievable. It so hard to get myself to think about it as an outsider.
    Given the background with your dad, what you have is a life long habit. However, now that you are aware, you can start working on fixing it so that you can move on and have happy healthy relationships.

    I do agree with Wiseman that you might want to consider finding a better qualified therapist to help you get past this and get your mind out of this loop. You should also read up about abusive relationships and codependence. There are also a lot good videos on youtube from qualified psychiatrists about this, some even hold video seminars for free. The more you read up on it, the more you become aware of the patterns of abuse and also why you respond/react/feel the way that you do, the more you'll be able to get a handle on things and leave abusive people behind you without regrets.

    Also, yes, what you are feeling is very very normal. It's exactly why people stay stuck for years and years in abusive relationships.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by elmariachi93
    Darn, it so astonishing and terrifying to see how I loop into this cycle. I literally right now think how awesome of a person she is and how I will lament losing her. Unbelievable. It so hard to get myself to think about it as an outsider.
    It's not an outsider who titled your post.

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