My ex is pregnant and I want to be there for her

I'm in ny 30s and so is my ex gf. We split 9 months ago after being together for 4 years We slept together once in August but otherwise we have been seperate and I've always wanted more.

 

I got a Facebook message from one of her friends to call so I did. She proceeded to tell me my ex had gotten pregnant by a guy who she saw for a couple weeks but they broke up.

 

My ex and I almost had a baby 2 years ago but unfortunately, the baby did not survive. I want to be there for her, especially since the other guy is out of the picture.

 

I am willing to go to the appointments, doctors visits, gove the massages,, everything that goes into being the supportive, loving partner does and I would help raise the baby as if it were my own.

 

How do I go about telling her this. I know people are going to say love on but I cant. Any ideas how I bring this up to her. I'm sure shes excited and a little scared at the same time.

What was the reason for the breakup? Who broke up with whom?

What was the reason for the breakup? Who broke up with whom?

She broke up with me. We were fight toward the end. I've had time and space away from her and I do realize I didnt help with the little things like help with the cleaning around the house, lawn mowing, stuff like that. Also has trouble with communication. I realize I should've stepped up and would ready and proactively doing those things. I also have seen a therapist to help with my communication skills and problems and feel more comfortable doing so now

Are the two of you civil? Does she want you in her life? Why did you break up?

You've come here for advise about getting back together with her a few times.

 

It's very slim she'd be open to it and even slimmer it would be successful, but I've seen weirder things happen.

 

You two broke up for reason and I can assume she's the one that ended it.

 

She may be vulnerable and in a tough spot, but why would you volunteer to be the space filler here?

 

She may take you up on it but it won't be for the love and forethought one typically needs to have a successful relationship.

 

You can be her knight in shining armor and when the shine wears off and you are changing diapers at 2 am, does she have the deep abiding love for you that would need to be present for life long partnership?

 

Or will you just `do' in the moment, because she's in a pickle and doesn't have other options.?

Are the two of you civil? Does she want you in her life? Why did you break up?

It was off and on for the first few months . It did get better, so much so I got Christmas gifts for her and our pets (who we called our kids). Hell we share my Netflix account (but I think everyone does that lol)

I think if she wanted you back in her life she would have reached out by now.

It was off and on for the first few months . It did get better, so much so I got Christmas gifts for her and our pets (who we called our kids). Hell we share my Netflix account (but I think everyone does that lol)

 

Do she reciprocate gifts for you?

You've come here for advise about getting back together with her a few times.

 

It's very slim she'd be open to it and even slimmer it would be successful, but I've seen weirder things happen.

 

You two broke up for reason and I can assume she's the one that ended it.

 

She may be vulnerable and in a tough spot, but why would you volunteer to be the space filler here?

 

She may take you up on it but it won't be for the love and forethought one typically needs to have a successful relationship.

 

You can be her knight in shining armor and when the shine wears off and you are changing diapers at 2 am, does she have the deep abiding love for you that would need to be present for life long partnership?

 

Or will you just `do' in the moment, because she's in a pickle and doesn't have other options.?

Thanks for replying. I wouldn't try to take advantage of the situation. I legitimately love her. I want it to last a lifetime and this time apart has made me learn that it would mean work. I would be willing to help her out during and after the pregnancy, whethernitnqas 2 am or 2 pm, I seriously would want to be there for and the baby/child

Do she reciprocate gifts for you?

She did I got a card and a gift card

Thanks for replying. I wouldn't try to take advantage of the situation. I legitimately love her. I want it to last a lifetime and this time apart has made me learn that it would mean work. I would be willing to help her out during and after the pregnancy, whethernitnqas 2 am or 2 pm, I seriously would want to be there for and the baby/child

 

How you feel is totally clear.

The mere fact that she is no longer by your side is an indication of how she feels.

It won't work unless you two are not on the same page.

So I kinda see things in the middle of the road.

 

First things first, if the friend is telling you the truth the odds of reconciliation just gained a whole lot of traction.

 

Shes vulnerable and scared right now, so you sliding in as the hero of the story will probably work

 

The reality though, your issues arent fixed, you broke up a few months ago, you almost immediately went into a long denial phase and drove yourself mad attempting to manipulate her back to you. Well congrats! This unhealthy union has a chance!

 

BUT! You will resent her. Unless her name is Mary and shes the lucky bearer of a child through immaculate conception, that child will be a constant reminder of the pain shes caused you. You are SO BUSY trying to 'win' right now you arent seeing straight but once the fog clears and reality hits that you do not have biblical levels of patience, the relationship failed because of unsolved communication issues so this incident simply added fuel to an already roaring fire, once reality hits you will be out of there faster than a plate of cookies at a Jenny Craig meeting.

 

She will be heartbroken.

 

You will be the bad guy.

Unless she calls you up and says "I made a mistake and I want you back", leave her alone.

 

You're hoping to take advantage of her while she appears to be vulnerable. It's gross. She's given you no indication she want you back.

 

You might think that offering to raise her child makes you a knight in shining armour but in reality it makes you rather pathetic at best and predatory at worst.

 

Respect her wishes and leave her alone.

I'm having a hard time with "Yay, my ex is pregnant and alone, here's my chance!!"

 

How has she responded to your previous attempts to reconcile?

I'm having a hard time with "Yay, my ex is pregnant and alone, here's my chance!!"

 

How has she responded to your previous attempts to reconcile?

 

Same here.

 

She hasn't made any contact herself about her pregnancy, OP. Unless and until she does, stay out of it. It's not the time or place for you to try to play

Step-Daddy of the Year when nobody (thus far) has asked you to. It's a pretty big leap to assume you have any buiness getting involved at this point.

 

You're envisioning happy families while you have no idea if she even wants you around, nor if the father will resurface and try to make a go of it or try to claim his parental rights to the child.

 

Do nothing unless you hear otherwise directly from her.

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately she did not contact you or inform you of any of this herself. Who is the "friend" and why is she butting in like this?

 

At this point you can't backpedal. You may have regrets, but she's done, it's done. She and this baby-daddy/bf will figure everything out. She will get support from her friends, family and of course whatever his responsibilities are.

We split 9 months ago. I got a Facebook message from one of her friends to call so I did. She proceeded to tell me my ex had gotten pregnant by a guy who she saw for a couple weeks but they broke up.

How do you know the ex won't pay child support, visit the child and be present despite not being in a relationship with her?

 

If she didn't ask you herself directly for help and to be in a relationship again, I'd step out and continue trying to move on.

I hear what everyone is saying and completely agree. It’s almost predatory to come to her while she’s in this vulnerable state.

 

But if y’all don’t think it’s possible this young girl who got knocked up and left is looking for someone to ‘fix it’, I’ve got a bridge to sell.

 

The friend was sent. That’s childish games kids play.

 

Whether it was to stir up trouble and she’s lying or she’s telling the truth, she was purposely sent.

 

The OPer said they’ve been in constant contact post breakup until he went NC or whatever, so she hasn’t cut ties in a healthy way plus... she got knocked up how many months after they broke up? She’s being given attributes of an emotionally healthy girl and the pieces aren’t fitting.

 

While the OPer needs to learn the basics of boundaries if you look at the clues this ex is pretty darn reckless and fumbling through life herself, a emotionally healthy and smart woman isn’t getting knocked up by the first dude who smiles at her, let’s think about that.

 

So by telling him ‘she does want you’ well if his stories have any indication of how their relationship went, she probably does.

 

That’s seriously it the point though. He can get her back, he shouldn’t want to, he should want to move on, but the sad reality, he’s got a pretty good chance of getting her back at this point, she doesn’t sound like she has it all together herself.

 

Broken seeks broken, I doubt this hero knight in shining armor let me fix this I know what’s best attitude just popped up after they broke up.

Firstly there is no "can't". there is no such thing. You CAN move on, you are just choosing NOT to. Own up to it!

Secondly, it is for your ex- to decide if she wants you there - you can't "invite yourself to the party" and determine your involvement regarding a baby that has nothing to do with you.

 

You need to let go man.

You need to let go and live your life elsewhere and move on. Really.