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Thread: Friends have dropped off after I walked away from a not-so-nice "friend"

  1. #1
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    Friends have dropped off after I walked away from a not-so-nice "friend"

    As I wrote in my previous post about seeing my "friend" at a NYE party, I simply stopped responding to that person after years of her bringing up my past whenever she could, at parties, events, etc. I was cordial at NYE, but haven't spoken with her since.

    She asked about me to one person, saying that she wonders if I'm upset because she spoke publicly about some very private things vis a vis my now-ex in a group of people we didn't know. Um, yeah, that's a drop in the ocean. I told her that I'd rather just focus on other things for now, and I change the subject.

    Since NYE, it's radio silence from everyone else in the group. No one is returning my calls. So, I'm a little (more than a little) sad about this.

    This "friend" is kind, sweet, and has a great personality, to almost everyone else. She's done this to several others outside this one friend group, and her list of "never talks to her again" is growing. But this is the group in which I have friends, and it seems they are either too uncomfortable, or just don't want to deal with it. They see her as this "great, awesome person" because that's the only side she shows.

    I would ask a friend, but no one is returning my calls. It's disheartening. We are women in our 50's and 60's. Ridiculous.

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    Wow. That is awful.

    I am assuming that these people are not close and you see on occasion? How many are we talking about?

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Wow. That is awful.

    I am assuming that these people are not close and you see on occasion? How many are we talking about?
    There is two in particular, one with whom I've become really close in the past few years. And a few are more acquaintance-types.

    One friend is going through something in her life, and she's shared/vented with me a lot. I called her about 3 weeks ago, with no return call. So that does hurt. She's the one with whom I'm the closest.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    There is two in particular, one with whom I've become really close in the past few years. And a few are more acquaintance-types.

    One friend is going through something in her life, and she's shared/vented with me a lot. I called her about 3 weeks ago, with no return call. So that does hurt. She's the one with whom I'm the closest.
    If she has her hands full with her problems, then maybe don't take one unreturned call so personally? Keep in mind also that sometimes even calls don't show up. It happens, so why not reach out again?

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I don't know, but to me it sounds like it's possible that she spread some kind of rumour about you to the others, an untruth - hence the others are now avoiding you?

    Is there any way you could go and visit one of your other friends, at their home, one-on-one and talk to them?

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    If she has her hands full with her problems, then maybe don't take one unreturned call so personally? Keep in mind also that sometimes even calls don't show up. It happens, so why not reach out again?
    ^^ this
    is it remotely possible that you are reading too much into this?
    I know this is something you feared might happen, but do you have enough to go on to believe it to be true?

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    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    She probably trash talked you to them when she saw you weren't bothered by her remarks/didn't want to deal with them. I'm very sorry for this.

    Could this be a misunderstanding? Are you sure they stopped talking to you because you put some distance between you and her?

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    ^^ this
    is it remotely possible that you are reading too much into this?
    I know this is something you feared might happen, but do you have enough to go on to believe it to be true?
    I agree with the ladies.

    The second friend has not responded either?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    If she has her hands full with her problems, then maybe don't take one unreturned call so personally? Keep in mind also that sometimes even calls don't show up. It happens, so why not reach out again?
    I'm very air headed when it comes to returning calls and stuff. My mother usually says that if I died or something happened she'd never know. Maybe she's so busy with her problems that she didn't remember to call back. It happens all the time (to me).

  11. #10
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    Thanks guys, all of your scenarios are entirely possible. The trash-talking, etc.

    The fact that the one friend, to whom I'm really close, is dealing with her huge personal issue is probably/possibly nothing to do with me. She's dealing with something very upsetting.

    I'm possibly internalizing this too much. It is, after all, only 4 weeks after NYE.

    The 2nd friend actually called me a couple of weeks ago just to catch up, although I don't think that the ex-friend had spoken with her yet.

    It's just very unusual of her to not call back after 3 weeks, when we had been talking 2-3 times a week. I was the only friend she had confided her issue in, and it's just odd that she's not even texted.

    Even if she didn't get the call, it would be unlikely for her to not reach out to me all this time. Very odd.

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