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Thread: Friends have dropped off after I walked away from a not-so-nice "friend"

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Thank you bluecastle. This is so unbelievably insightful! That our friendship has existed on this level for so long because she feeds off the juice of her put-downs towards me, and when I circumvented her enough times so as to only allow polite, pleasantries, it sapped her of the energy she needs to maintain her "friendship" with me. So, it's not that I was mad at her, but that she was mad that I removed the energy source. So helpful!



    So crazy about your mom's friend group. In my case, these are all (mostly) ambitious, working women. In fact, the only ones who steer clear of any drama are the ones who haven't worked in years, due to child-raising, etc.

    S. has done this to many people, and she's disrupted other friendship groups, similar to your mom's group. There are several people who have moved away from her in the past few years, as she seems to like to take one person from each group and do her picking-on thing.

    I did receive a text back from my friend, saying that she's been meaning to call me. So I'm taking that at face value, and I'm cool with that. So thanks....Hollyj, for making the suggestion that I reach out to her to see if she's ok. Sometimes I can dig my heels in a bit, like wait....she should reach out to me, wah wah wah. I'm glad I read your post, as I felt your virtual hand on my phone, texting her, lol.

    I don't want there to be any awkwardness. I so enjoy these other women. I'm going to just lay low for a bit and maybe extend some invitations or phone calls in a few weeks to the others.

    And yes, I'm going to the Super Bowl party. The person having that party hasn't been friends with S. for years, as S. did the same thing to her. I just checked the Evite, and it's over 40 people, so should be a good time!
    Have fun at the party.

    I'm sure that all is cool between you and your friend :)

  2. #22
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Hope you have a good time and it all works out.

  3. #23
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    Ahh glad to catch up this morning and see the outcome ...brilliant.... you enjoy LH

  4. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Lots of people power down and lie low in January to recoup from holiday whirlwinds. Enjoy your Superbowl party and trust that the people who matter most will cycle back around at some point. Extending occasional encouragement via kind 'thinking of you' messages is no big risk.

    Practice convenient amnesia when it comes to overthinking whutsurname. Her behavior will always be a reflection on her, not you. However, you can avoid inflicting unnecessary paranoia on yourself by not badmouthing her to anyone else--no matter how trusted. This is how that can backfire--whether real or imagined--in the form of a guilty conscience. So just keep it clean, and you'll have no reason to suffer nerves about occasional slow cycles with everyone else.

    Happy new year, and enjOy game day.

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  6. #25
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    Well, if I didn't know our friendship was officially over, I do now.

    My mom passed away last night.

    LSS: she went into the hospital a week ago with a broken leg, which they repaired with pins, but she developed pneumonia, and in her body's effort to fight the new pins in the leg and the pneumonia, her kidneys started to fail, so they put her on dialysis, and last night, her heart gave out. She was getting dressed to come to our city for my niece's baby shower one minute, and on the floor the next with the broken leg.

    I am now in the city where my parents live, and the outpouring of calls, texts, and messages is overwhelming. Literally hundreds; the phone won't stop ringing.

    All except for one person. Yes, she would know about it, because people were calling me from our friend group, even the barely-known acquaintances, the friends-of-friends-of-friends from that group. Texts came in early this morning, before I was even awake, so I'm positive she knows.

    So, in addition to the obvious sadness of my mother's passing, I will also now officially mourn the end of that 30 year friendship. Done.

  7. #26
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    I am so very very sorry for your loss and my condolences to you and your family. I just read this this second and wanted to respond briefly ASAP.

  8. #27
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    Hi again. I hear you and I would give it at least another day - just to be sure. Not "wait' just don't rush to a bad conclusion. This happened to my husband when his mother died. A close high school friend of 25 years who knew his mother very well went MIA -yes he expressed condolences but didn't show up at any of the funeral related events and did not call to make a plan to see him otherwise. Just nothing. So my husband considered the friendship over and I didn't blame him.
    I will add that since she has been in contact with you it would be odd for her to choose this tragedy to go MIA or make some sort of crazy "point" by silence. Anyway please focus on what you need to focus on which is not her and please feel free to PM me or of course post here if you want support. I am here with you. I cannot imagine and I am here with you.

  9. #28
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    Thanks Batya. This is in reference to the original ďfriendĒ, the one who says the mean things about me. S.

    The one that I was a bit upset about earlier in this post, who I hadnít heard from in a few weeks, texted me first thing yesterday when she heard. B.

    Iím still receiving an outpouring of calls and messages today.

    Still nothing from S. Seems if she canít put me down in some way, Iím useless to her.

  10. #29
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    Oh ok - I didn't realize you still wanted a relationship with her - I guess she felt the distance and wasn't happy with it and I understand why you kept your distance!

  11. #30
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    I donít understand why you want anything from S

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