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Thread: Am I right to discourage my husbands participation?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    If he is true to you nothing any woman does will matter. So does it mean you donít trust him?
    It's not him I don't trust; as far as I know he's never been unfaithful. It's the women I suspect. I'm sure some of them are single or divorced, and I've known women our age who seem desperate for a man. I'm not sure they would be deterred by his married status. And his naivety and kindness might be interpreted as encouragement. And who knows -- he might be tempted, anyone might be in certain circumstances.

    I guess I do have a jealous streak, but it seems justified with all those women involved. No one can say for sure what may happen, so why tempt fate?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    If you donít want him to go, you donít trust him. Itís that simple.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jude23
    Do you really think I'm being controlling and insecure? I don't want to be like that. It doesn't feel that way to me -- I just feel like I'm protecting our marriage.

    If I tell him to go, I think it will trouble me quite a bit and I may resent him for it. It just seems a lot safer for him not to go.
    Yes I really think you are being insecure and controlling. I would think that you had reason to feeling that way if he didn't want you going with him but that's not the case, you are welcome to go but you instead of doing that, you just want to curtail your husband's social time without you.

    Either go with him and let him (re)make a friend or at least come up with a compromise that your husband won't feel like you're controlling him. As for resenting him if he goes. How do you think he feels now that you've cowtowed him into not going?

    Get yourself ready to go with him and don't be such a restricting partner. I am usually the first to say when situations can lead someone down a slippery slope to unintended infidelity but this is not one of them. If its that scary to you that your husband go to these coffee meets then I wonder what he has done (or you yourself have done) in the past to make you have such a fear. This is not a one-on-one date like activity with an opposite sex friend, luv.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    If you donít want him to go, you donít trust him. Itís that simple.
    In the past I haven't felt like I didn't trust him, but maybe I am mistrustful now. But I don't understand why he'd even want to be around a group of women he wasn't ever friends with, and doesn't have anything in common with except that they went to high school.

    BTW, I forgot to mention that one of the women sent him a Christmas card. That strikes me as her showing interest in him.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    As for resenting him if he goes. How do you think he feels now that you've cowtowed him into not going?
    That's a good point and it does worry me some. I don't know what's worse -- that he goes and I resent him, or that he doesn't go and he resents me. I'm unhappy with both alternatives.

    I don't know what to do.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Can you suggest a get together with his friend, his wife and you and your husband. It may show that you at least somewhat understand his need for friends.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Can you suggest a get together with his friend, his wife and you and your husband. It may show that you at least somewhat understand his need for friends.
    I could do that. And I do understand his need for friends. He used to have some good friends but they moved out of the area, quite far away.

    I don't think meeting his friend and wife would solve the lunch issue though. From what I know his friend is a very nice person. I have no qualms about him, except that he's responsible for getting my husband into the lunch situation. But he wasn't trying to cause any problem so I don't blame him for that. Well, maybe a little, but I'm sure he means well.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    It doesnít matter *one teensy little bit* if theyíre interested in him. HIS actions dictate if he does anything wrong.

    Whatís wrong with reminiscing? Whatís wrong with forming friendships? Youíre aging - I donít see it as a bad thing

  10. #19
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    See, you are telling him you don't trust him when you forbid him to socialize in a group that includes females.

    If I were him I would feel pretty hurt that my spouse of 30 years thinks I am untrustworthy.

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    What youíre telling your husband is you donít trust him . Even though heís been completely faithful to you and never given you any reason to doubt him but you still donít trust him . If that was me I would be so POíD Iíd probably go just to spite you .

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