Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 53

Thread: Would you accept this? Too ill to see me but has dinner with ex girlfriend

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    7

    Would you accept this? Too ill to see me but has dinner with ex girlfriend

    I spent the weekend in another city helping a girlfriend through a difficult time. He knew this.

    On Friday he was looking through old photos because he has to do a brief presentation about his life history at work. I was on the train and asked him to send me his favourite photo. He sends me a photo of him and his ex-girlfriend in Portugal. Apparently he thought it would be funny because my Mom now lives there.

    On Sunday I'm coming back on the train to London and he texts saying "I’d love to see you tonight but my cough isn’t fully gone. I didn’t have any issues with it last night but I am worried it might flare up again and keep you awake".

    He does this all the time, says he wants to see me but already includes excuses at to why he might not be able too. Anyway, I told him that he should stay home, get some rest and hopefully cure that cough.

    I called him when I got home and I found out he had just been out for dinner with his ex-girlfriend. The same one from the picture. They're friends. I then said, "oh cool, so you're ok enough to come over to mine?" And he said "no, I don't really want to catch anymore cold air. I think I should stay in".

    Is this normal/nice behaviour? Would you accept it? Also, we have only been dating for 8-9 months!

    Also, we're going to Mexico on Saturday for 2 weeks. What do I do? Do I go? Do I dump him? The trip cost so much money ...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,196
    He's not over his ex girlfriend.

    He sent a picture to you of them together as proof of this, even if he didn't realize it. Then he decided he needed to see her.

    I think right now you're the third wheel and if you stay, you're in for a lot of heartache. It sounds like he is either putting you off for her, or he is seeing you both.

    But my guess would be that's he's seeing you both and using his "cough" as an excuse when he is with her.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,248
    Gender
    Female
    Interesting that he does this now, right as you're about to go to Mexico for two weeks. I wonder if that's a coincidence at all. Two weeks of relaxation and fun is like a giant reset button.

    If you go on the trip, you'll probably end up overlooking the whole dinner-with-ex-instead-of-you incident.

    I remember years ago, I was dating this guy at work who was a real dog. I knew he was a dog and really did try to keep him at arms length. But working with him made it so difficult. He'd do something bad, and I'd be like, "Forget you." But then the next day I'd see him at work and we'd have to work together and get along. After a couple days of that, I'd forget I hated him and we'd go out again. LOL. It was so annoying.

    So, I really don't know what you should do. I'm leaning towards fun in the sun, but that could set you back in terms of upholding your boundaries.

    I would definitely be pissed if he went out with his ex instead of me. If he was afraid to keep you awake then he could have gone home at the end of the night. So, that's not an excuse.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    7,694
    If you've paid, and there's no possibility of getting your money back, then go on the trip - unless the thought of being with him for that length of time is unbearable for you. If you can get your money back, then do so.

    If you do go, enjoy yourself as much as you can but in the knowledge that this will probably be your last time together. When you get back, tell him that he's entitled to go out to dinner with anyone he pleases - but that you don't want to be the 'other woman' in your own relationship, and do not intend to be so. Wish him well, and leave him to get on with his so-called 'ex'. Does she even know about you?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    97
    Gender
    Female
    I think you know the answer. Your boyfriend is NOT treating you well, and his behaviour is inappropriate. He is using his cough as an excuse for whatever reason to hide the fact he is seeing his ex/ still in love with her. I think if you hang around, in the long term this has the potential to really hurt you. Yes, you will lose money but in the long term, you benefit by not being with him. Good luck to you!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    2,676
    No. Don't go to Mexico. This will be an expensive loss for you, but you'd suffer a greater loss by going with him, having a great fun time, and coming home to find that he's still not over her.

    He knew exactly what he was doing by sending you that picture. He was testing you. You laughed it off, so he tested you again, by having dinner, after telling you he couldn't see you for fear of "catching cold air". That doesn't even make sense. You've laughed this off.

    Lose the money and gain your sanity.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    9,536
    Gender
    Female
    Sometimes you really have to ask yourself - what's your sanity and peace of mind worth?

    Your so called boyfriend is treating you like garbage, lying to your face, avoiding seeing you, while he is spending time with his ex?....does she know she is an ex? This is beyond shady and I'd drop him cold. Anyway, you already know this. Don't let a trip get in the way of what you need to do for yourself and your own self respect. If you act fast enough you might be able to recoup at some of the money.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,915
    Gender
    Male
    No, not very nice or normal behavior.

    As for what lurks behind it, who knows? Maybe he's not quite over his ex. Maybe sending you the photo is his clumsy way of being oh so mature and enlightened—you know, a dude who is not only friends with an ex but dates an enlightened woman who is cool with it. Or maybe he's kind of jealous of you, and his subconscious his looking for ways to keep you off-kilter. Or maybe he already had dinner plans with his ex, felt kind of bad about it, and rather than just man up and let you know what he was doing he played up a semi-existent cough.

    Regardless, it's super uncool. Lame, immature man-boy stuff. Yawn.

    As for the trip—well, I kind of lean toward what Jibralta and nutbrown are saying. Go, enjoy the sun, enjoy him. Cold beer, hot sex, spicy tacos. But (if you've got this mechanism inside you) a little guard up. You can address this when you get back, and if he's unwilling to create some clearer boundaries—well, that's that.

    I did something like this with my last relationship. We'd been together much longer, things were weird, but a trip was planned. We went, had a great time, even though halfway through the trip I knew my relationship was over. I kind of put that information in the sad drawer of my brain, enjoyed the mountains, enjoyed the parts of her and what we had that I could. Good times, no regrets. Post trip came the talks, the tensions, the sad stuff out of the drawer, and ultimately a breakup when that sad stuff couldn't be dealt with together.

    Maybe you guys can deal with it, maybe not. But it's not something to deal with in Mexico.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,196
    I wouldn't go. It would be torture. Why put yourself through that?

    He still has something going on with his ex, that's quite clear. How could anyone enjoy Mexico knowing that?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,366
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Are you sure it's his "ex"? They are still dating and he's making up excuses to blow you off and see her. At 9 mos, cut your losses. You can go to Mexico, but be aware he is still seeing his "ex". They are not friends.

    This won't end well if you stick around . Suddenly "a cough, blah blah" will turn into he needs "a break".
    Originally Posted by nadineblack
    g "I’d love to see you tonight but my cough isn’t fully gone. I didn’t have any issues with it last night but I am worried it might flare up again and keep you awake". I called him when I got home and I found out he had just been out for dinner with his ex-girlfriend. Also, we're going to Mexico on Saturday for 2 weeks.

Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •