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Thread: Mother on drugs

  1. #1
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    Mother on drugs

    I don't know what I can do to help in this situation.
    Any input would be great.
    I'm dating this guy just over a month. We have become really close quickly.

    It's a weird situation- he's been friends with this girl for 14 years. They have a 4 month old baby together. It's just one of those things that happened. He choose to live with her to help bring up the baby. There is nothing romantic there 💯. They sleep in separate rooms. So although this might seem like my problem... It's strangely not. It's a weird situation but I'm ok with it.

    All his money goes to the baby. He's such a great dad and such a sweet and lovely person. He does his best. He loves his son and he really is a good guy.

    So here's the problem. She's a party girl. She's always bringing people back to the house to throw parties. They wreak the house. Sniffing coke And doing pills while the baby is upstairs . God Forgive me cos I live in no palace myself but it's a dump. Cans everywhere, cigarettes, dirt, mould. I don't mind mess, but this house is un heigienic for a little baby. The guy I'm seeing cleans all the time but she just has more parties and wreaks the place. I don't mind mess. I'm not stuck up, but I'll say it how it is, the house is a filthy dump.

    She's into drugs ( he is not) . She's always bringing back random guys. He told me she done this even while pregnant . he gave her money the other day, she spent it on pills and coke. I stayed there last night. She came home at 6am out of her face. He was after been taking care of the baby all night. Feeding him, changing him. She took the baby at this stage. I'm disgusted at the fact she took the baby when she was out of her face.

    The guy I'm seeing went upstairs to give her the baby blankets. Next of all I heard a loud bang like something fell and her screaming the house down. Because I was worried something happened the baby, I ran upstairs ( as did his room mate) to see what was wrong. We walked in to witness her punching him and slapping and pretty much beating him. All because she was out of her face and earlier he had nicely asked her if she could keep the noise down as he was trying to sleep. He didn't touch her. He walked away. This guy wouldn't hurt a fly. His arms were covered in her nail scrapes and his lip was cut. He said this isn't the first time it's happened. She gets high and goes crazy. My heart broke for him. He really is a sweet heart... And when she goes crazy she then accuses him of hitting HER.

    He's stuck. He knows he needs to move out away from her but she's using the baby against him. He's afraid he will lose his son.


    It's not my business and I'm not getting involved. But what do I do to help him?? It's killing me knowing this poor little baby is being brought up with a mother who behaves this way. What if something were to happen the baby when she's on drugs? It's just not a good atmosphere for the child. What would you do? 😔 Who am I to say she's not fit to be a mom, but I'm sorry, she is not.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Call child services and get out.

    There's not place for you there, except as a codependent.

    If you stay, it'll be a codependent train: he's her codependent and you'll be his codependent.

    Codependency only enables. It never solves anything.

    Seriously, get out.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    He's stuck. He knows he needs to move out away from her but she's using the baby against him. He's afraid he will lose his son.
    Oh come on now, surely you are not that naive. She is an abusive drug user who couldn't look after that baby properly so getting custody should have been is first priority a long time ago. Your boyfriend has some serious problems if he hasn't yet seen a lawyer to work on full custody and getting himself and his son out of that squalor, physical abuse and substance abuse. He has severe codependency issues for staying and putting up with that.

    You have found yourself in the middle of their hell. Get out after telling him once he has seen a lawyer and gotten FULL custody of the baby to call you. If you don't, well then I wonder about your codependency issues as well.

    ... and if it's "killing you" that the baby is in the midst of all that then yes, call children's services and save the poor thing before she does something to him that YOU will never forgive yourself for letting go on.

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    This guy is pulling one over on you. I agree with TWT that he would have filed for custody of the baby and would have lived seperately. I would leave. Go. Break up with him. he doesn't have his life together - its a mess.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Call Children’s services IMMEDIATELY!

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    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Call Children’s services IMMEDIATELY!
    I second this. He doesn't sound much like an angel either and is pulling the wool over your eyes (imo). You would also do well by getting out of this toxic mess.

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    It's not my business and I'm not getting involved. But what do I do to help him?? It's killing me knowing this poor little baby is being brought up with a mother who behaves this way. What if something were to happen the baby when she's on drugs? It's just not a good atmosphere for the child. What would you do? 😔 Who am I to say she's not fit to be a mom, but I'm sorry, she is not.

    btw he is part of the bad environment and is equally causing it.
    btw, if the child was older so more aware of things how would you like to live in a flop house with a druggie mom, dad, dad's latest honey and some roommate or another? Confusing to say the least. I agree to call CPS. If he hasn't moved out and filed for custody yet, he won't do it. Call CPS asking to remain anonymous to the parents and let them handle it-

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    Thanks for the reply. Not sure why you put " killing me" in inverted commas. It is 😔 I feel so sorry for the baby. If I were to call social services, will the baby get taken away from his father too?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by laney1979
    Thanks for the reply. Not sure why you put " killing me" in inverted commas. It is 😔 I feel so sorry for the baby. If I were to call social services, will the baby get taken away from his father too?
    Your concern should be this baby. If the dad is keeping the baby in this insanity he is not being a good dad.

  11. #10
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    You're right.

    And my concern is the baby. It's just such a tough situation to be in. I appreciate all your comments. It's up to him to get the baby out of that hell hole. It's not my place but I'm gonna talk to him . I just can't believe someone with a child would do drugs around them 😔 I just checked the Child social services web site. It said it can't garentee being annomonius. I completely hear all you are saying... I've just never been in this situation before. I advised him he needs to move out .. away from her. I don't like running people down, but she is not a good mother. Her child should come first... Not her drugs

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