She's confusing me, advice needed!

[Lostkiwi]

Hi!

I'm a 22 year old guy living in the UK, and I've gotten into a dilemma. In this case is means that I know a girl in my age since 7 years, and she's had a few boyfriends during that time. She's always been flirting with me a bit, and sending me pictures of herself ( no nudes) because she know's I think she looks good. At this point we only met occasionally as friends. But about a year ago she wanted to hang out more that earlier, and at the time she had the boyfriend she's got now.


And what's happening now is that she wants me to sleep next to her about once a week because of her anxiety which is one of the things that makes me a bit suspicious that something's going on. The other thing is that she wants to go on a trip to New Zealand with me, so I asked her about her boyfriend, mostly because he is extremely jealous, which I could understand at times. But I doubt he knows anything about it,, and she said that, " this year I'm planning to do things that i want to do, in other words things for her own sake. Are heaps of others signs these are the most obvious ones.


Edit: she also intends to not start any conversations with me while he's at her place, and when he ignores her she starts hanging out with me or sends me messages on snapchat and Facebook. And she can hint be saying things like " youre always so cute towards me", " sweetheart" and similar things. Another thing was that I make her feel safe and loved.

So what do you reckon?

I'd really appreciate some advice!

[boltnrun]

Sounds like she's using you for companionship and attention whenever her boyfriend isn't around.

[Lostkiwi]

I suppose so,, but what do you think of the travelling part? Because going to NZ means a 24h flight and away for about a month or so.

[boltnrun]

Who's paying for the trip?

[Lostkiwi]

We both pay for our own tickets, and apparently she's already saving money.

[James516]

As a male, we are easily short-sighted by the high percentage of the chance for sex. Thus, you are being easily manipulated. Not sure of there's any other selling point to date someone who is clearly adept at cheating and very willing to cheat. And that anxiety reason, if true, suggests a lot of energy is needed for her, not to mention traveling with someone for a few days or more can be very unpleasant even if the people get along before that. If that trip happens, definitely be clear that you each are paying your own way. Anyway, if you love a lot of drama in exchange for a couple of quick rolls, this is the girl for you. Probably there will be a few weeks until she moves on to the next gullible one while you start scrambling to figure out if or when you'll be cheated on.

[Wiseman2]

Don't get strung along. She's being inappropriate. She either is clear with her bf or just a friend with you. She's using you for attention.

She's always been flirting with me a bit, and sending me pictures of herself ( no nudes) because she know's I think she looks good.
what's happening now is that she wants me to sleep next to her about once a week
she wants to go on a trip to New Zealand with me

[Clio]

She is just not that into you but likes to string you along for ego stroke purposes. You are being used as an ego fluffer. Having said that, you are a willing participant. You are allowing all this when you should have cut her off your life ages ago. Even if you were to ever get together, you have seen first hand how she treats her boyfriends. How would you like your girlfriend seeking validation outside the relationship and planning trips overseas with another dude and sleeping next to them? If you think that she would treat you any better, you are in for a very rude awakening. She has shown you who she is. You better believe it and move on to find someone more worthy of your time.

[greendots]

She has a boyfriend, yet wants you to sleep next to her about once a week due to her anxiety. That just baffles me. You deserve to be with someone who treats you better than this.

Having said that, she should, in all seriousness, seek a professional therapist to work through her anxiety and whatever else she is dealing with. Who knows how serious her situation is and how her boyfriend treats her. I mean, you make her feel safe and loved - so what's going on in her relationship or life that isn't making her feel safe or loved?

[Lostkiwi]

Ok , here`s an update. She still wants to go to NZ with me , she said that a couple of days ago. And she`s had her boyfriend at her place from Thursday until today ( Sunday ) and apparently they had a bit of a fight or argument on Thursday. During these few days she hasn`t posted anything on social media at all, she usually publishes heaps of photos of them on mainly snapchat and Instagram but this weekend none. I´ve also checked her Instagram , and he hasn`t liked any of her photos for nearly two weeks.

Another thing is that she`s started sending " :3 " smileys in her messages to me since a week ago. We also have an agreement that I don´t mind if she replies after 24hrs or so. And somehow i get the feeling that she appreciates it because her boyfriend is quite jealous and controlling. For instance we were meant to see eachother on Thursday ( and she wanted me to come with her to buy sex toys ) and suddenly she didn´t reply because of the fight that i mentioned earlier on. She wrote " We`ve had an argument , so I`m probably best off staying here " which i think sounds like if he`s controlling her in some way.