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How to move on? I'm stalking my ex all the time, she's haunting me.


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I am a 23-year-old man and I broke up with my girlfriend that i have been with in 4 years, we planed to get married and stuff.

The first time we decided to break up was 6 months ago but we become together again shortly after that. Finally we decided to cut the contact with each other 2 months ago. We dont have each other in social media anymore.

The problem is that i stalk her all the time because i have the password of her social media accounts and i see that she is talking to other guys, meeting them and maybe having sex .its haunting me. I know that our relationship will never work maybe but i think that i still have feelings for her and i'm jealous. Sometimes i decide to stop stalking her then i do it again when im feeling alone. I did meet other girls also but they wasn't as good as her , when i see her social media she is talking to lot of guys and they re attractiv af and everybody wants her. I feel so insecure now, i want to call her and maybe ask her if we can try again? should i do it?

Please help! this is the worst feeling i had in my life.

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I'm sorry you're in pain.

 

That said, some real talk: what you're doing is wrong on so many levels, and you know it. You're invading her privacy, which is an awful thing to do. And you're doing it for awful, unhealthy reasons: to feed your own pain, to hold onto something that isn't there.

 

And, no, do not call her and ask if you can try again. You've done that. You've tried. Didn't work. Remember that everything you think of calling her, every time you think of snooping. The only reason you want to call her now is because she's a source of pain—pain you're creating—and you want her to make it go away.

 

Solution is simple: stop doing what you're doing. Like, really. Stop it.

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Please stop! The more you do it the more obsessed you will become, it’s a vicious cycle you’ve gotten yourself into.

 

Is there anyway you can distract yourself? Like get out of the house and do something, go see a movie or hang out with friends. Taking up a new hobby would be beneficial. Seeking guidance from a counselor to talk through the break up may help as well.

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Agree with others, you must stop reading her social media.

 

There is no other way, and if you continue, you will remain tortured and stuck.

 

Now I realize how difficult this is especially since you have all her passwords.

 

So, take a deep breath, muster up all the emotional strength you can, take control of your life and delete her passwords!!

 

If they are written down, shred or toss in the bin.

 

Like now, today.

 

Eventually thoughts of her will fade, I promise!

 

I speak from experience, good luck!

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What you're doing is bordering on illegal. If she knew you were going into her private accounts and looking through her stuff, it could get you into trouble.

 

You need to stay off of her stuff. Each time you log in, it's recorded.

 

It's possible to see on facebook where your account is logged on. She could do it and put 2 +2 together. It's illegal what he's doing.

 

OP, you need to stop it and focus on your healing and never watch her social media again. This will make it worse!

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It's illegal what he's doing.

 

Yes, that's what I figured.

 

It's getting harsher now a days with internet crimes too. You can't post pics of exe's without their consent or be into their private business, etc. You could be charged if the ex decided to become angry.

 

I would tread carefully, OP.

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Yes, that's what I figured.

 

It's getting harsher now a days with internet crimes too. You can't post pics of exe's without their consent or be into their private business, etc. You could be charged if the ex decided to become angry.

 

I would tread carefully, OP.

 

I'm not a lawyer or educated in law and I don't know where the OP is from, but I think that in my country is illegal because I knew of a similar case years ago, but I don't really know the legal consequences of it or the specifics. I think she has at least grounds to file for stalking or invasion of privacy or something like that, but I don't know.

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Agree with all the others. Have to admit, I had a bit of an issue with this back in the day (many moons ago) because my boyfriend and I had shared passwords. When we broke up, he didn't think to change his password, and for a few weeks, I tortured myself in a similar way. Facebook had a feature at that point where you could star a person and you would get notifications for whenever that person posted. He had me starred, and I would post on my Facebook to see how long it took him to check the notification. He would always do so immediately, and it gave me this burst of feeling that we weren't really done that became addicting to me.

 

What you're doing is wrong, and you know it deep down, but it doesn't make it easy to stop. All you can do is cut it off the source. Go in, change her password, and force her to reset it to something you don't know. That way, when you're feeling weak, it'll no longer be an option for you to snoop.

 

You're still in the part of the breakup where you haven't truly accepted being done, and that's a very hard place to be. Changing the password is the first step to healing and getting your life back on track. I wish you luck.

 

Oh, and I'm a huge advocate of getting rid of social media altogether. Use of sites like Facebook can be addicting and damaging to mental health (as I'm sure you're realizing). Consider taking a break from all platforms for awhile and gauge if you feel better. I'm willing to bet it would make a big impact on your mood.

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Op: You've created your own addiction. Yes, you are addicted to stalking her. You will get over her and this pain you are in by going cold turkey withdrawl and rehabbing through zero contact. Zero contact means no social media stalking, no in personal stalking, no emails, no texting, no faxing, no electronic communication at all and no thinking of her and getting lost in your memories.

 

Going zero contact will help you to more quickly get to the stage of indifference to her. Stay off of all your devices for at least one week. If you need your phone then delete any apps wherein you can access her stuff. That will help keep you from being a creeper. Being a creeper just keeps you mired in your pain.

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I'm in the same boat, no experience with law but have heard similar stories and they didn't end well for the person doing the crime.

 

Yes, and it's very easy to proof. I have Facebook, though I don't care much it's useful for me professionally wise and it helped me immensely with getting in touch with people and support in moving to another country. I'm very concerned about privacy, so if any new device tries to log in on my facebook weather they sucede or not, I receive a a notification on my cellphone. I also check the devices logged in once in a while and the IP's location to be sure the only person assessing it is me. I once found an attempted log in a date and from a location that couldn't have been me. Logged out immediately on all devices and changed my password.

 

Not many people know about these precautions I see, but just to say that it's very easy to check and to prove someone is accessing our account non autorized. The same is possible with gmail I think. So the OP might come into big problems if his girlfriend finds out how to check if someone is checking the account.

 

I've never done such as logging in on someone's account but I admit that I stalked the social media from an ex boyfriend obsessively. I'd check everything he posted and the likes and who commented and see their profiles too... I was such a mess and I'm not proud of it. It only delayed my healing and moving on.

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Hey Kat, what are the legalities of going into people's private accounts when they did not give you permission?

 

It's called "cyberstalking" and in California it's illegal, and defined as:

 

* following

* harassing

* threatening

 

Initial offense can be up to one year in jail!

 

Maximum penalty can be five years in jail.

 

This is in California, the laws re cyberstalking in CA are strikingly more harsh than in other states.

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Agree. Great points. After breaking up, block, delete, etc the first thing people should do is change all their passwords. In fact before the breakup if they have snooping issues.

I'm very concerned about privacy, so if any new device tries to log in on my facebook weather they sucede or not, I receive a a notification on my cellphone. I also check the devices logged in once in a while and the IP's location to be sure the only person assessing it is me. I once found an attempted log in a date and from a location that couldn't have been me. Logged out immediately on all devices and changed my password.
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It's called "cyberstalking" and in California it's illegal, and defined as:

 

* following

* harassing

* threatening

 

Initial offense can be up to one year in jail!

 

Maximum penalty can be five years in jail.

 

This is in California, the laws re cyberstalking in CA are strikingly more harsh than in other states.

 

Thank you!

Yes, I have heard of similar when it comes to invading one's privacy. Cyber laws are becoming more and more harsh.

I wouldn't push the boundaries, OP. I would stop now.

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OP.. Few things. 1. you are in denial that its over. You can lie on here and tell us what you think we want to hear but your actions say otherwise. You believe you deserve another chance because you dated for 4 years and maybe in some ways you feel that she owes you that. Accept that it is over and that means you will never ever kiss her, hug her, have sex with her, hold her lovingly again. You shouldn't be wondering if you can have another chance because the relationship is over.

2. Quit following her. Legal or not it is just wrong for you to do on any ethical level. Just think about it. How would you like to have a crazy X gf be stalking you and hacking into your life? Because if you are stalking your X now, you are going to attract women that do the exact same thing and its going to happen to you. 3. Get some professional help. If you are working, see if they have an employee assistance program for you because you are going down a wrong path that is either going to get you in the back of a cop car, in jail, in court and/or broke from attorney fees and lawyers are not cheap. If you want to know how can tell this is the path you are on? Because you are snooping into her life. Soon, you will elevate it to following her, and it will go up and up until you are in handcuffs and broke.

Just remember, what goes around will come around. Life will remember this and if you continue this path, you will end up in trouble. If you love your X, then let her go live her life.

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