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Thread: My girlfriend wants a break to figure out feelings

  1. #1
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    My girlfriend wants a break to figure out feelings

    Hi, i'm having quite a hard time at the moment and need advice. I've been in a relationship for 7 months now and something started to go sideways around 3 months. My girlfriend is a traveller, before we started dating she was travelling a lot. She's really independent and confident. The first couple of dates were amazing and out of this world. It was really quick and both of us started falling in love with each other. We went for a roadtrip around Wales and it was brilliant. When we met she already had a trip booked to Peru.

    Everything was perfect, dates, flowers, love letters and amazing time together. I am a romantic guy, with old school values around a woman i love and care about. She is my world and would do anything for her. After coming back from Peru she changed entirely. She was emotionless and angry all the time. Apparently she tried some natural drugs there which make you realise things. Since that time our relationship is a rollercoaster of feelings, anger, patience and lurking break up...In the meantime there is a guy at her work who says he loves her...she says not to worry about it because she likes other man's attention but will do nothing about it. I've been cheated on in the past and told her about it.

    Yesterday she told me she needs a break from each other to think about her feelings, because at the beginning she loved me more than any other guy in her life. That the love for me was the strongest feeling she ever experienced. Now she is not sure what she is feeling...when she doesn't see me she misses me but she wants to figure out what happened to her. She wants to completely stop seeing me, texting, calling, any form of contact...except sex, emotionless sex.

    What should i do? wait? break up?

    I love her more than anything, she is out of this world. Please help me to understand.

    Tom

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Yes go no contact. "find myself", "confused", "stressed", "busy", "space", etc are all soft breakups. During this time decide if someone like this is even gf material. There's a lot you don't know about her and a lot she's hiding. It could be she met someone, when back to someone, took this trip (physical trip, and/or psychoactive drug trip) with someone, etc. Also consider her use of magic mushrooms and if you want to be with someone who parties this hardy.
    Originally Posted by tomsons86
    After coming back from Peru she changed entirely. She was emotionless and angry all the time. Apparently she tried some natural drugs there which make you realise things.

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    Hi Wiseman2, thank you for a reply. I meant she tried the natural drugs in Peru and she went with her best girlfriend. I want to go full no contact, i'm just fighting myself not to write to her. Yesterday she offered to have sex but just that. I think it's a terrible idea and it will ruin everything. I might do it once and than just stop contacting her at all.

    What do you think?

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    Sorry to reading this... I don't think that she is worse to your feelings. I can't see her real thinking in her mind, but I feel that she is not ready to have a responsible relationship with someone. I know it is hard but if you keep distance from her, and stop all contact, you will have much possibility that she will be back to you (when she feels lonely). And at that time, it will be you to take a initiative to decide: keep seeing her or not.

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    Thank you papapooh, i think she is really lost and confused. She said that she wants to spend time on her own to figure out what is going on with her. Unfortunately, it will be really hard for me to break the contact with her at all. I always thought that talking is a way of solving problems. Let;s see what will happen.

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    it's very hard to accept her decision but don't forget, you can change your future. The most important thing right now is to show her that you are mature, and respectful. As you said, she sounds being lost and she may just need to well prepare for you, who knows. When she will be ready, or simply need someone, it can be you that she calls. It totally depends on your attitude, and then, you can take initiative to decide what your relationship will be; you may not need her anymore or you accept her again.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    In my personal opinion, if you want a chance at all with this, it's best to leave her on her own. Give her a chance to truly miss you and to start once again appreciating you.
    She can't do that if you're still in her face or still contacting her.

    Though to be honest, I'm not sure if this girl is worth it. She enjoys others mens attentions, she does drugs and she is now messed up in the head more than likely due to the drugs.

    You might be getting yourself into a situation with a girl who will only bring you drama and problems.

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    I think the real problem is this other guy in her orbit, not some natural drug that she tried in Peru.

    It sounds like she enjoys his attention a little too much and her head is turned in his direction. And no, you should definitely not agree to just be her sex-buddy. How insulting that she even suggested that.

    I think it's going to be best to break up altogether, OP.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    In my personal opinion, if you want a chance at all with this, it's best to leave her on her own. Give her a chance to truly miss you and to start once again appreciating you.
    She can't do that if you're still in her face or still contacting her.

    Though to be honest, I'm not sure if this girl is worth it. She enjoys others mens attentions, she does drugs and she is now messed up in the head more than likely due to the drugs.

    You might be getting yourself into a situation with a girl who will only bring you drama and problems.
    This.

    The sure path to not getting what you want (or at least think you want) is to stay in contact, to agree to emotionless sex. Do that and that's what you are, what you are together.

    So, hard as it is, let her go. Do you. Maybe she comes back around, maybe not. But with a little time and space you may find that you're less interested in what she has to offer, which like Sherry said sounds like some sandbox drama packaged in the costume of an existential traveler.

  11. #10
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    Apparently she tried some natural drugs there which make you realise things
    Oh what tosh ...she wants a single life and to be able to have no strings sex when she sees you ......say goodbye and let her get on with it .

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