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Thread: My girlfriend wants a break to figure out feelings

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    So, when she's supposed to be in an exclusive relationship, she fails to put up boundaries with other men, even if it doesn't lead to sex. She relishes men flirting with her, she invites it and responds in a way to keep it going. Her ego boost is more important than hurting you and preserving your relationship. That should be dealbreaker number 1 to you.

    IMO, people who choose to take breaks from a partner versus working on issues together, don't care enough. They are willing to lose you, and therefore, really don't love you, as they can imagine a life without you. That should be dealbreaker number 2 for you.

    There are other pretty, sexy, fun, intelligent women out in the world who are not flaky, wishy-washy, and who would want to share a beautiful life with you. Let the flake go so you can find a partner who is crazy about you and knows how to act like a mature, emotionally healthy person.

  2. #12
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    I agree with Andrina and Sherry. As an aside taking a break did work for me - because it was with the understanding that I wouldn't date others (and had nothing at all to do with another guy!) and he didn't either -and it was for a specific period of time (a month I think) -it did clear my head and give me more information.

  3. #13
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    Update:
    She came to my place yesterday evening without heads up, with pizza. Wanted to watch a movie and have sex...after 3 hours of talking this is what she said:

    She wants a proper break from tomorrow because she wanted to miss me more, she said that because she likes being in charge changed me into a spineless dude. I had my issues and problems before and that brought me to a therapist. She's 27 but said that she wants to not be a mature again and just use life a bit. Apparently she became mature really quickly and missed stuff. She claims i am a perfect guy for her but like in 3 maybe 4 years when she wants to settle. In her opinion i'm a fantastic guy and i'll be ok and maybe destiny will bring us together in the future.

    She wants no contact now to figure out her feelings, at the moment she said she feels 70% to break up :) And just before leaving my place she said she doesn't love me now but maybe the feelings will come back after a break from each other.

    What do you guys think?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    She sounds like a very messed up person who uses people for sex and plays mind games.

    I would delete and block.

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  6. #15
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    Batya33 What was the outcome of the break?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    There's a huge difference between a month and her telling you it might take years if you were ever together again.

    You seriously need to let it go. She wanted to use you for sex one last time and then harshly told you she didn't love you.

    That's pretty bad.

  8. #17
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    I understand that, probably somewhere deep inside i'm fooling myself that she will appreciate what she has now but common sense tells me that she never will. I need to let go really quickly because i have a soft spot for her and she knows that...

    I realised just now how bad it sounds.

    Thank you

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by tomsons86
    Hi, i'm having quite a hard time at the moment and need advice. I've been in a relationship for 7 months now and something started to go sideways around 3 months. My girlfriend is a traveller, before we started dating she was travelling a lot. She's really independent and confident. The first couple of dates were amazing and out of this world. It was really quick and both of us started falling in love with each other. We went for a roadtrip around Wales and it was brilliant. When we met she already had a trip booked to Peru.

    Everything was perfect, dates, flowers, love letters and amazing time together. I am a romantic guy, with old school values around a woman i love and care about. She is my world and would do anything for her. After coming back from Peru she changed entirely. She was emotionless and angry all the time. Apparently she tried some natural drugs there which make you realise things. Since that time our relationship is a rollercoaster of feelings, anger, patience and lurking break up...In the meantime there is a guy at her work who says he loves her...she says not to worry about it because she likes other man's attention but will do nothing about it. I've been cheated on in the past and told her about it.

    Yesterday she told me she needs a break from each other to think about her feelings, because at the beginning she loved me more than any other guy in her life. That the love for me was the strongest feeling she ever experienced. Now she is not sure what she is feeling...when she doesn't see me she misses me but she wants to figure out what happened to her. She wants to completely stop seeing me, texting, calling, any form of contact...except sex, emotionless sex.

    What should i do? wait? break up?

    I love her more than anything, she is out of this world. Please help me to understand.

    Tom
    What a load of crap. She's over you, don't listen to her prattle. move on.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is a 100% breakup with a string-along clause. Do not hang on. She met someone on this trip.
    Originally Posted by tomsons86
    She wants no contact now to figure out her feelings, at the moment she said she feels 70% to break up :) And just before leaving my place she said she doesn't love me now but maybe the feelings will come back after a break from each other.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry this is a 100% breakup with a string-along clause. Do not hang on. She met someone on this trip.
    This.

    And only this.

    Maybe she met someone on the trip, maybe not. Doesn't matter, so don't dwell on thatóno need for paranoid thinking.

    What matters is she's out to lunch. What matters is your spineóget that thing back in tact and, once the waves of sadness pass, you'll just be glad to be standing tall again.

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