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Found the one.....she’s married


TexasD123

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I met her through her sister, a good friend of mine, about 10 months ago. She lives out of state, I’ve seen her 6 or 7 times when she has come to visit her sister. I’ve been talking with her everyday now for about 8 months straight. We haven’t had sex, but we’ve made out a few times and I can’t explain how it feels when we’ve touched each other. We’ve both agreed that it’s not right to have sex while she is still married, but it’s weighing on us both because of the chemistry we share when we are around each other.

We both get butterflies whenever we know we are about to see each other, and when our eyes lock, it’s insane.

Got a problem though. She’s stuck in a loveless marriage and has been wanting to leave for a few years now. Her sister had mentioned that to me before I even ever met her.

I don’t chase married women, I never have, not my thing and I never had any intention of doing anything like this. Especially with her being my friends sister!

 

This woman has told me that she’s never met someone quite like me, and told me she’s never been in actual love. I asked her “why did you get married then?” She said, “I guess I thought that’s just what people do when they have kids.” I trust her, believe the things she says to me, and she’s now making the efforts towards leaving her marriage. As I Understand it, her husband has taken up sleeping on the couch and has for quite some time. They have discussed separating but not divorce. She told me that he’s a good person, just not her person. They simply cohabitate.

 

I’ve been married twice already before, this situation is similar to what I went through with my first wife. Our marriage went stagnant and couldn’t be revived. Sad.

The only difference is that I didn’t have somebody just show up like this into my life during the transition of divorce. My second wife was just plain nutz, and downright dangerous. Had to leave that relationship for the safety of my daughter and myself.

 

What’s happening here is passionate, what feels so right is also feeling so wrong. But we apparently are crazy for one another and we don’t even live in the same state.

 

Before posting and trying to give me advice, I only ask that you ask yourself “does love at first sight truly exist?”

 

New to the site, and Thank you in advance.

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Welcome to ENA,

 

To answer your question: Yes love does exist, at first sight I doubt but a very strong attraction yes.

 

She is married so you need to back off and stop helping a married woman cheat on her husband! Emotional cheating, giving your heart and emotions to someone else while married is cheating.

 

Their marriage may be dying but that does not mean you get to act like a vulture circling the carcass.

 

Do the right thing and tell her it was wrong of you to get involved with a married woman and that you will not be the reason her marriage ends. Let her know if and when she gets divorced you would be happy to start fresh once she has healed from the end of her marriage.

 

If you don't do the right thing now you are just another loser messing with a married woman.

 

Lost

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Welcome to ENA,

 

To answer your question: Yes love does exist, at first sight I doubt but a very strong attraction yes.

 

She is married so you need to back off and stop helping a married woman cheat on her husband! Emotional cheating, giving your heart and emotions to someone else while married is cheating.

 

Their marriage may be dying but that does not mean you get to act like a vulture circling the carcass.

 

Do the right thing and tell her it was wrong of you to get involved with a married woman and that you will not be the reason her marriage ends. Let her know if and when she gets divorced you would be happy to start fresh once she has healed from the end of her marriage.

 

If you don't do the right thing now you are just another loser messing with a married woman.

 

Lost

 

^ I second this entire post - it pretty much covers everything.

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If you believe everything a cheating wife says to their partner in infidelity then, be prepared for her to say those things about you some day.

 

Do the honorable thing, cut her out of your life and if you find a need for female companionship, do not go after attached women.

 

All you are doing is help a married woman cheat. Your connection? Just narcissistic supply for her.

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Good lord you barely know her except for the happy pants you get when you lay eyes on one another and a few stolen, illicit moments when she breaks her vows and makes out with you.

 

Get.A.Grip.

 

You are barking up a taken tree so find yourself another woman who lives close to you and you can see how you get along EVEN when life gets in the way of your lust.

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Welcome to ENA,

 

To answer your question: Yes love does exist, at first sight I doubt but a very strong attraction yes.

 

She is married so you need to back off and stop helping a married woman cheat on her husband! Emotional cheating, giving your heart and emotions to someone else while married is cheating.

 

Their marriage may be dying but that does not mean you get to act like a vulture circling the carcass.

 

Do the right thing and tell her it was wrong of you to get involved with a married woman and that you will not be the reason her marriage ends. Let her know if and when she gets divorced you would be happy to start fresh once she has healed from the end of her marriage.

 

If you don't do the right thing now you are just another loser messing with a married woman.

 

Lost

 

This ^^^. End it now, and let her know that when she's truly free you would be happy to start again, but that you don't want to hear from her again whilst she's still married.

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'Let her know if and when she gets divorced you would be happy to start fresh once she has healed from the end of her marriage'.

 

Oh yes. Because life works like a self-help book. You divorce, you heal, you meet someone you fall in love with, they fall in love with you and you live happily ever after..

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'Let her know if and when she gets divorced you would be happy to start fresh once she has healed from the end of her marriage'.

 

Oh yes. Because life works like a self-help book. You divorce, you heal, you meet someone you fall in love with, they fall in love with you and you live happily ever after..

Are you being bitter or are you being serious?
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If you were not infatuated with her, then you would not react defensively to comments.

 

Try to look at the situation as an outsider (tough, I know).

 

If you can do that?

 

You'd see how you need to walk away from this lady.

 

If you are speaking about texasd123, That wasn’t my comment, that was metaltwin speaking her mind. Trust me when I say I am looking at it from all angles, and am open to all comments whether good or bad.

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Texas,

 

You know what to do so just do it. Ignoring your conscious and character can only go on so long.

 

There are literally hundreds and hundreds of threads on this forum where a spouse is in a loveless marriage, they are like roommates, he/she cheats, he/she is abusive, alcoholic and on and on. Most of the time it is an excuse to justify cheating and even if it is true it only justifies divorce.

 

If she is all that then you can wait and she can file for divorce if it is truly that horrible. After all did you plan on her staying married forever?

 

The first lies told in infidelity are to ourselves...

 

Lost

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'Let her know if and when she gets divorced you would be happy to start fresh once she has healed from the end of her marriage'.

 

Oh yes. Because life works like a self-help book. You divorce, you heal, you meet someone you fall in love with, they fall in love with you and you live happily ever after..

 

I reviewed the thread. Your reaction, by my estimation, was defensive.

 

In any event, good luck in the future. Hopefully, disentangled.

Are you being bitter or are you being serious?

 

If you were not infatuated with her, then you would not react defensively to comments.

 

Try to look at the situation as an outsider (tough, I know).

 

If you can do that?

 

You'd see how you need to walk away from this lady.

 

If you are speaking about texasd123, That wasn’t my comment, that was metaltwin speaking her mind. Trust me when I say I am looking at it from all angles, and am open to all comments whether good or bad.
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I reviewed the thread. Your reaction, by my estimation, was defensive.

 

In any event, good luck in the future. Hopefully, disentangled.

 

Uh, Jim. I believe you are referring to another post made by someone else, you see that wasn’t me saying that, right?

If anything, I’ve said I feel like a greedy jerk after receiving advice in this forum. That’s all. Self critical and hardly defensive Capiche? No offense.

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Uh, Jim. I believe you are referring to another post made by someone else, you see that wasn’t me saying that, right?

If anything, I’ve said I feel like a greedy jerk after receiving advice in this forum. That’s all. Self critical and hardly defensive Capiche? No offense.

 

What does this mean then, Texas? Are you going to stop your trysts with her and tell her that you will be most happy to pick up again (if you are single) when she has divorced or at the very least living separately as she files and works on dissolving her 'miserable' marriage?

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Texas,

 

You know what to do so just do it. Ignoring your conscious and character can only go on so long.

 

There are literally hundreds and hundreds of threads on this forum where a spouse is in a loveless marriage, they are like roommates, he/she cheats, he/she is abusive, alcoholic and on and on. Most of the time it is an excuse to justify cheating and even if it is true it only justifies divorce.

 

If she is all that then you can wait and she can file for divorce if it is truly that horrible. After all did you plan on her staying married forever?

 

The first lies told in infidelity are to ourselves...

 

Lost

 

Hey Lost, man, I appreciate you.

 

The fact of the matter is that her and I have gotten to know each other pretty well, and now it’s only getting deeper.

I think her and I got lost, forgot where we were at and we need to get back to reality.

I understand the excuses thing, the poor me, or my actions are justified, blah blah blah and etc from a damsel in distress. I honestly have never got any of that kind of behavior from her really.

I view this situation differently from the norm that you’ve described and that’s why its complicated. It’s only hard for her to get out because of $$, and she has stood firm on doing that on her own, for herself and with no help from anyone else.

 

Thanks for giving her at least “some” benefit of the doubt in what I say and in the person I have come know. Because not everybody or everything is always quite the same, and we are sometimes all too quick to pass judgement.

 

Either way, emotional cheating.... I think your post is pretty much spot on. I found your opinion and advice as open, and even somewhat unbiased.

Agreed... it is wrong and we all know it, including her. We have both already touched on that subject several times and I actually think she is waiting for “ME” to do something about it. I really didn’t know what to do and that’s why I came here. Now it’s clear in what needs to happen.

I think she will look back at this play no matter how much it may sting now, understand it and totally appreciate what I am about to do. And that’s to be a better individual, not just for me but for her too.

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What does this mean then, Texas? Are you going to stop your trysts with her and tell her that you will be most happy to pick up again (if you are single) when she has divorced or at the very least living separately as she files and works on dissolving her 'miserable' marriage?

 

Yep, exactly. And no more interaction until said has begun the process.

I don’t mind being single, and after being in several relationships with stubborn, crazy, manipulative, rude and then being taken advantage of, I finally found one that won’t be those things and truly adores me. I already know her background, and it’s consistent with what I’ve seen, remember...her sister is a close friend of mine.

 

Now if I can hold out even longer from any bangy bangy, I’d like to do that and not give it up until divorce is final. Wish me luck. Lol

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Yes, good luck. I hope she knows what she wants whether it be to be married to him or divorced and with you. Either way its time you found out and go from there. You appear to have a head on your shoulders so go forward using it and leave your heart off your sleeve for the time being.

 

She’s told me what she wants, and that it is me and the person I am.

I told her that she should try and fix her marriage some time ago, like go try therapy to see if things can change for the better. I encouraged it. No matter how I felt about her. So she asked her husband to try, and he said no. She wasn’t too estatic to do it either, but she did nonetheless.

I’ve never been with or pursued a married woman, I feel guilty here, but despite I do have a good head on my shoulders, there is something strong here and I have to set it right. Henceforth the decision I am prepared to make. I will have to hide the heart on my sleeve, which is hard to do, but I can and I will. I am glad I reached out to this forum and experienced the good bad and the ugly of it. Sure, I could end up the next guy to be cheated on, like some here say. but she’s so upfront about her feelings and where she stands, how could a guy not listen or ignore unless he’s just not interested anymore? And if that’s the case, then say it and be a man, or a real person or something. It’s not like she talks unreasonable, or illogical, which btw...another turn on. She’s told me that she hates the fact that I might forever think she would do the same to me. Kills her to know that the thought could always be there, and wants to prove otherwise. That’s what I like about her. It’s all real and out there for me to see, and with no games. When I finally have her, she will be treated like a queen, and that’s a fact. She knows that. I probably went through my other relationships to get to where I am, and for a reason. I believe that reason is her.

What does a woman really want anyway? Exactly what I will offer and why shouldn’t she have it? Just makes her that much more of a woman. Oh, and shoes. She can own as many of those as she wants. I will figure out what to do if we run out of space. Sorry to put the carriage before the horse, but I’m a bit of a planner. Probably happening if I’m to open Pandora’s box. Lol.

We got this, and yes i am confident in knowing that it will be only be what many others wish they could find. Simplicity, and Devine.

Crazy, yes, obtainable, yes, difficult, yes, patience, yes, finding that one, one of a million. You do what you have to if you find it, to protect it and then make the right choices.

In this case, saving face. That’s the other reason I reached out. So glad I did.

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Not to burst the planning and excitement bubble, but it will get harder before it gets better. She may not follow through with it. Make the decision not to get involved with a married woman for you, not for her.

 

Thanks man. I have, I understand what you say, have accepted that and there’s a small chance that she wont follow through. If she doesn’t, it never was, and then I’ll just look like an idiot here. I’m fine with that, because it would steer me another way.

It will have to be more work on her end than mine, not that I won’t try to help, but she needs to be strong and tend to her own affairs and arrangements. She’s said exactly that to me many times before.

But ultimately, if that’s to happen then my decision to do what I have found here would save me in the long run of it all. Not my first time to make bad choices, I’ve had my share, just not this “kind” of bad choice, if in fact that’s what it is.

I have plenty of other things that keep me busy, but completing my heart has been the hardest. Except for my daughter, but that’s a different kind of love. Unconditional, something we all should have no matter who it is. Hard to obtain. That kind of love has been solid since day one, and she doesn’t want to see me let down yet again.

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Thanks man. I have, I understand what you say, have accepted that and there’s a small chance that she wont follow through. If she doesn’t, it never was, and then I’ll just look like an idiot here. I’m fine with that, because it would steer me another way.

It will have to be more work on her end than mine, not that I won’t try to help, but she needs to be strong and tend to her own affairs and arrangements. She’s said exactly that to me many times before.

But ultimately, if that’s to happen then my decision to do what I have found here would save me in the long run of it all. Not my first time to make bad choices, I’ve had my share, just not this “kind” of bad choice, if in fact that’s what it is.

I have plenty of other things that keep me busy, but completing my heart has been the hardest. Except for my daughter, but that’s a different kind of love. Unconditional, something we all should have no matter who it is. Hard to obtain. That kind of love has been solid since day one, and she doesn’t want to see me let down yet again.

 

Unconditional!

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Are you supposed to let her live with you, pay for her divorce or support her? Is that why she is using the $$$ excuse to not get divorced? Don't give her money. Don't take the bait. Yes be the "better person" and let her go until she decides what she wants.

-It’s only hard for her to get out because of $$

-I actually think she is waiting for “ME” to do something about it.

-Now it’s clear in what needs to happen.

I think she will look back at this play no matter how much it may sting now, understand it and totally appreciate what I am about to do. And that’s to be a better individual, not just for me but for her too.

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