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Thread: Needs space...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Again, why is he letting a "spiritual adviser" make his life decisions for him?

    I know you are very young and probably don't have experience with men like this, who blow hot and cold and don't know what they want, but please listen to those of us who have been around that block: don't get any more attached to the idea of this being your forever relationship.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    central Florida
    "He explained once that being alone for so long has taught him to be independent and that he's comfortable alone."

    This is a red flag. And the fact he was willing to move two hours away from you when there doesn't even seem to be any work in that new place, doesn't sound very promising. A 25 year old who hasn't even been able to afford a car? I'd be questioning what kind of life partner he's going to be when he doesn't seem to have his #$%^ together by now, and can't even find viable work?

    Your brain won't be mature until you're 25, basically in the decision making area of your prefrontal lobe. That's probably why there's a 75 percent failure rate for people who marry before age 25. Start thinking about if you're more frustrated and upset than satisfied in your relationship, because your needs matter, and you should be dating to find someone who meets all of your main needs. Many women put up with too much BS sometimes because they think if they love a guy, they need to stick it out.

    You haven't had the life experience yet to date a lot and figure out who is compatible with you and who isn't. Be careful about tying yourself down to someone who might not share the same goals as you. Figure out if the space he needs from you is due to you expecting too much and you're suffocating him, or it's unreasonable and solely because he's not ready to be in a serious relationship.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry this is happening. Have your own place/ live with your parents? Where was he living and working before? Why can't he be a cook in a restaurant again? Did he drop out of school? What does he want to go to school?

    Unfortunately it sounds like there is way too much pressure talking about weddings, marriage, dream house, kids etc. He is homeless unemployed and doesn't even have a car. It doesn't sound like you are engaged.

    It's hard to believe he would be having those conversations. Who is this spiritual adviser? Is he in a cult? Why can't he decide where he wants to be and what he wants to do? Why does he have to get permission from this spiritual adviser?

    All you can do is give him space and stop all the high pressure wedding, marriage, dream home, talk.
    Originally Posted by shortsunflwr
    My fiance and I live 2 hours apart, as he is staying with some friends in order to find a job and save money on rent.

    We want to get married, but he has to get a car, have money for the wedding, etc.

    I talked to him just today and he said he needs some space

    He wanted originally to come back and couple months ago but his advisor told him it would be better to stay there so he did.

    I'm praying very hard his advisor lets him come back.

    he really wants to be back in school studying and preparing for the career he wants

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Agree with Wise.

    I just posted this in another thread but it's possible your behavior is causing the very thing you fear happening - him needing space and possibly ending things.

    Dial back all the future talk, Wise is right, way too much pressure on a guy with no job, no car, no money, yikes!

    Leave him be for now. If/when he wants to resume things, chill and like Wise advised back off on the wedding, marriage, dream home etc.

    It's just too much given his circumstances.


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