Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18

Thread: Did my bfís friend come on to me? Do I say anything to my bf?

  1. #1
    Silver Member ElectricSheep123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Space
    Posts
    332

    Did my bfís friend come on to me? Do I say anything to my bf?

    Iíve been dating my current bf for close to 3 years. Iíve never cheated on him and donít ever intend to. My bf has this one friend (whoís actually his previous boss) that I cannot stand. Letís call him Darren. Heís in his late 30s, and doesnít have his life together. And the from stories Iíve heard, he sleeps around a lot, even with guys who are ďstraightĒ or in relationships (even if heís friends with their spouses!)

    Anyway, my bf and I invited Darren and another friend to our place and we drank and watched tv and had an amazing time. Then my bf got too drunk and went to bed around 2am. After about 30 mins the other friend said she was leaving too and I said, ďGreat. Iím going to bed because I was tiredĒ. After my friend left, Darren was slow to leave and kept lingering. I also saw that he kept staring at me trying to make eye contact but I ignored it.

    Then he said he was leaving and hugged me goodbye but leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I withdrew and started cleaning up, but still he kept lingering and then said he couldnít find his gloves (which was a lie cuz I saw him put them in his pockets). I made him empty his pockets and sure enough there they were.

    He came up to me again and tried to hug me and I said ok goodnight and quickly gave him a distant hug and a pat on the back and kinda rushed him out of he apartment.

    So Iím not sure if he was just drunk and being silly and Iím reading too much into it. Or if he was trying to initiate something. Either way Iím disgusted by him. Since I have no clear evidence do I tell my bf about it or no?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    4,580
    I've sometimes forgotten I left my glasses on top of my head. Once, my sunglasses fell into my hoodie, and totally couldn't find them for weeks. Only to remember they were there. I do not see how trying to make eye contact, and give you a kiss on the cheek, and hug goodbye as a pass.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,104
    Gender
    Female
    Your very negative attitude toward this guy is leading you into reading whole lot of something into what is in reality absolutely nothing. In short, don't flatter yourself, nobody was hitting on you.

    Btw, your guests should leave long before you or your bf go to bed. Learn how to get people to get out before it gets so late, aka end the get together gracefully. Also, if you are all drinking, maybe limit how much you are all drinking unless you are willing to let people crash at your pad until they sober up enough to leave. If alcohol is flowing, then....well....expect that guests might end up lingering to sober up.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    36,528
    Gender
    Male
    This. Stop inviting him over and write it off as drunk and creepy. If you want drama, tell your bf. But why not just get better boundaries and assertiveness skills, such as not inviting him over, not letting guests get this drunk (and drive!) and making clear the party is over? He should have left when your bf went to bed. And your bf shouldn't host his people and get passed out drunk. The problem is your bf.
    Originally Posted by ElectricSheep123
    Iím not sure if he was just drunk and being silly and Iím reading too much into it.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,977
    This was nothing. Let this go.

  7. #6
    Silver Member ElectricSheep123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Space
    Posts
    332
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Your very negative attitude toward this guy is leading you into reading whole lot of something into what is in reality absolutely nothing. In short, don't flatter yourself, nobody was hitting on you.

    Btw, your guests should leave long before you or your bf go to bed. Learn how to get people to get out before it gets so late, aka end the get together gracefully. Also, if you are all drinking, maybe limit how much you are all drinking unless you are willing to let people crash at your pad until they sober up enough to leave. If alcohol is flowing, then....well....expect that guests might end up lingering to sober up.
    Not sure why youíre so harsh. I wasnít flattering myselfó our interaction left me uncomfortable (Iím sure your guy friends donít kiss each other on the cheek when they say goodbye), which is why I came here to gauge peopleís opinion.

    Also, thanks for the advice on how to conduct my parties. My bf drank a lot but the rest of us didnít drink that much.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    2,051
    My son throws a lot of drinking parties with his partner. They have a Roomba programmed to start vacuuming the house at the time they want everyone to leave. It is a silly thing and everyone knows when it is time to go when the Roomba wants to work.

    It works!

  9. #8
    Silver Member ElectricSheep123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Space
    Posts
    332
    Also, I have been sexually assaulted before (nothing too graphicó just groped against my will). So forgive me if I read too much into this. Darren and I werenít that close so for him to be lingering, staring me down and full on kissing me on the cheek, I was uncomfortable. But if Iím reading too much into things Iíll at least know now.

    Thanks for for the advice guys.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,501
    Gender
    Female
    There are a lot of people that say goodbye with a hug - and he was toasted.
    I really think that if your boyfriend goes to bed, or you go to bed (unless let's say its family members of the awake person), the party is over - you both bid your guests good night - and then they leave and the tired person goes to bed. Its just good etiquette. i would not have liked it if my guy went to bed and i was stuck entertaining HIS two friends, you know?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,023
    The way I see it is, no way in heck would you ever be into Darren, that's more than clear. And you'd never cheat on your bf, so no need to mention anything as no doubt Darren was drunk and being stupid.

    However, if he tries it again, let your boyfriend know that Darren is a creep and you don't want him around anymore.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •