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Thread: Is she just crazy or am I a bad friend?

  1. #91
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    Originally Posted by LC8328
    I would tell you to read what you wrote here, and then read all of your subsequent responses to the nice folks on this forum. You are doing exactly what your friend has accused you of.

    I WOULD tell you this, but you're not going to listen. You're probably just going to pick apart what I say and create your response based on semantics.

    All the little details don't matter. I have been reading people's words professionally for a very, very long time, and your first post is little more than one gigantic complaint about your friend. Also, your narrative is filled with anger - again, not so much in your words, but in your tone. Yes, tone can be detected in writing.

    When she said that you are always negative, what she is talking about is directly in reference to your comments about her life. She is not talking about how you complimented the weather or how you smiled so much that your cheeks hurt.
    I admitted that it makes me a little angry to think about this stuff while I am writing it, and yes my post is a complaint because this is really bothering me. I thought we were good friends and I hate fighting with people so this feels bad to me and I don't like it. And again I don't know why I get accused of this when this is a forum where people post about problems in their life! Why am I always singled out for it when that's what forums are for?

    As for the comments about her life, they are things SHE says. I am just repeating them to give you guys an understanding of what she says is wrong with her life. When she asks for advice, I can only go off of what she tells me. I am working with what her life is, if it's negative then yes she will think i'm being negative. If I tell her in order to take 4 vacations, yes she will think it's negative if I say she needs to get more credit cards! Because SHE is the one that told me her credit cards are all maxed out! I am only repeating what she tells me about her life.

  2. #92
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    The irony was completely lost on you.

    YOU are doing exactly what you accuse her of...asking for advice and then getting angry, argumentative or dismissive of any and all advice offered.

    I do have to wonder what you expect when you ask for advice on this forum. Every time you've posted you argue or dismiss any and all advice. Are you looking to debate or argue with folks online? If so, there are specific debate forums you can join.

    (The response to this should be very interesting.)
    I am not dismissing advice, if you'll notice, I am agreeing when I actually get advice (stop giving her advice, talk to her less, etc.) i think you are referring to just my responses in general. 99% of the time I am just giving more information that is clearly needed. I think when it comes to me and my friend, I know more details about the situation than anyone else could, which is why I feel the need to fill in the gaps. I see a lot of misunderstandings happening on this forum (in all my posts), in my opinion I think people just read too fast and miss some sentences where I clearly explain something, only to see someone's response saying the complete opposite of what I said, or saying something that doesn't match with something I said.

  3. #93
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    Originally Posted by maew
    I am not insinuating, I am actually saying it. Being supportive means listening and accepting someone for who they are, not telling them what to do.
    I DO listen, 99% of the time when me and her are talking it is her talking and me listening. During our phone conversations it literally is about 99% her talking and me listening. This is why I have to correct people in my responses because obviously you couldn't have known that unless I told you so your advice of "being supportive and listening" is something I already do. And I only tell her what I would do in her situation because she ASKS me. AGAIN, she ASKS me to tell her what to do. I don't want to be like her mother, she's 37 she shouldn't have to ask for other people to make decisions for her.

  4. #94
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Every couple of months, Rockchick26 likes to dust off her enotalone profile and spar.
    So I take it none of you ever make posts of your own then?

    I hate fighting, if I enjoyed this, I wouldn't be bothered by me and my friend fighting! Your comment makes no sense. I don't come in here every few months for the sole purpose of doing anything, I just wanted to vent and get suggestions on the situation which is what forums are for. Like I ask every time and nobody seems to answer me, why am I being judged for using a forum with it's intended purpose!? It shouldn't even be called eNotalone, I always feel more alone after posting in here with everyone judging me and not listening to me. Just as you all think I have a pattern of "arguing", you all have a pattern of taking my first post and mixing it with all my past posts (as if writing a tell-all book about me) and judging me without taking my clarifications into account. I think this is the last time I will be posting in here. I also post in other forums and in many groups on FB and never get this kind of response.

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  6. #95
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I have a friend who always complains about being "broke" (have a thread about him) but yet spends frivolously on large, expensive, unnecessary purchases. He will say "I just don't know what I'm going to do". Although it may sound like he's asking for advice or input, I know how well that would be perceived (not well) if I started lecturing him about being more responsible and how he should stop using shopping as a "cure" for when he's feeling down. One time I suggested he set aside a portion of each paycheck into a separate account that isn't attached to his debit card and he said "that's a good idea" but never implemented it. Now, I could remind him of my advice every time he complains about not having any money (yesterday), instead I just say "oh, sorry to hear that, hope things settle down" and change the subject.
    Your friend didnt ask for advice though, my friend does. She literally asks "Should I..." and "what should i do about..." etc. ending in question marks, so they are legit questions asking for advice.

    That's what I suggest...when this friend complains, just say "Oh, sorry to hear that, I'm sure that must be difficult" and change the subject. Or, if she wants to vent about the same old topics, just start thinking about something else! That way you won't get aggravated when she complains yet again about something you two already discussed.
    I think it's kinda rude to start thinking about something else while she is talking, I mean yeah she doesn't let me talk much anyway but still, I dont want to not actually listen. And my answers are usually along the lines of "that sucks" or "oh how horrible", it's only when she asks for what to do do I tell her more detailed answers.

  7. #96
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I would never describe a friend like this.
    This is how she describes herself. I am not making anything up or exaggerating. I am using the same words and phrases she uses to describe her life to me.

    It all falls on deaf ears. YOU do not listen to anyone. Why do you come to the forum?
    Yes, I do. I listen to advice, I just defend myself when I'm being judged. I give more detailed answers to clarify things that people aren't understanding correctly. I come to this forum for purpose that it was intended for, to vent, to get advice, to not feel alone. I read other people's posts in here and see no difference between theirs and mine. I looked just now and people are describing their situations saying "bad" things about the people they are complaining about, but because I'm everyone's favorite person to judge and mock, it's wrong when I do it. Like I said, this will be the last post I ever make in this forum. I'll stick to the other forums and FB groups where people are nice.

    I wonder how your close friends speak of you.
    I could give you some quotes from my FB page but you probably wouldn't believe they were about me.

    Love the Eeyore comment!
    What does that say about you, that you think a comment is funny that someone made up to make me feel bad? Nobody has ever said I am mopey, depressing, or negative. You will have to take my word for it, since there's no way I can prove it to you.

  8. #97
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    She doesn't listen, so stop offering advice. End of.
    Yeah that is what I'm doing now.

  9. #98
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rockchick26
    Your friend didnt ask for advice though, my friend does. She literally asks "Should I..." and "what should i do about..." etc. ending in question marks, so they are legit questions asking for advice.



    I think it's kinda rude to start thinking about something else while she is talking, I mean yeah she doesn't let me talk much anyway but still, I dont want to not actually listen. And my answers are usually along the lines of "that sucks" or "oh how horrible", it's only when she asks for what to do do I tell her more detailed answers.
    Jeez...

    So just continue being angry and frustrated then.

  10. #99
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    I get that you hate cellphones. I did too and I am in my 50s. I got one when I was pregnant in my 40s (in 2009) and got a smartphone because we both got them about 5 years later. I think it's fine that you don't want a smartphone and not fine to keep asking others to send you photos because you don't feel like getting one or taking photos.

    I also think you should look at your past thread about working and jobs/making money and see how many times you came up with excuses/shot down the many many suggestions that were made. Sounds a lot like what your friend does.

  11. #100
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    How many of your friends know your feelings towards this woman? What do they say?

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