Serial social media cheater

Not too long ago while using my husbands phone (mine had died) a message came through facebook messenger, considering we have a joint facebook account I opened the messages it was a girl from his hometown they'd be talking for a few months ,I thought it was weird how I never received these messages as we share the page.. I then figured out he'd changed the settings to secret conversation which means only his phone receives her messages on that particular conversation.. Through the whole conversation they referred to each other as babe he said he couldn't wait to see her... I noticed she asked for money a lot and have transferred over $200 to her all up, the twisted thing is she was sending photos of her baby and man and she knows my husband is married and that we have a four year old son!!! By the way she's in another country 6 hours away by flight.

I confronted him straight away because my father cheated on my mother for three years and I refused to let it go on... My husband got mad and denied that's how I knew he was lying, he finally fessed up.. And said that she told him he was the father to her 7 year old that's when figured out he had not seen her for 8 and a bit years so the timing didn't add up..to back up they got drunk one night 8 and a half years ago while he was holidays back home and they both woke up in a hotel together not knowing whether they had slept together.

Anyways he confronted her and she confessed she'd lied and my husband cut her off ,What I don't understand was the flirting I don't know if it's because we can't have kids of our own (our son is adopted) and he felt connected to this woman thinking this was his child ,I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we talked things through..

Just days later my husband phone was buzzing constantly so I went to silence it.. I noticed his text messages were locked, I knew straight away he was up to something so I guessed his code, it was our anniversary 💔 he was texting another chick called Nicole, he was calling her beautiful and saying he couldn't wait to see her, on Monday which infuriated me because we had planned something.. I tried calling her but she didn't answer.. I confronted him again, of course he denied it saying it was his friend using his phone... But I recently went onto snapchat and found a girl named Nicole on his snapchat conversations...and discovered his been talking to more girls one named Monica

I dont understand he snapchats with me all the time, so these girls know his married!

And yes I'm furious at him but I can't leave I have a son to think of, my family live interstate and overseas.. If I leave I have to move far away.. Im so confused and hurt I just don't know what to do, I can't even tell anyone because I don't trust anyone anymore..

Someone please help me my heart is hurting so much I thought after all we'd been through that I was his one and only 💔

Heart broken Housewife

I am sorry for all of this.

The dude is a cheat and a liar. Period.

If he thought it was his son, but only sent $200.00? Did you see any messages where he confronted her. You know that that that is all a lie.

He is cheating with multiple women. God only knows how long this has going on and how many he has been physical with. He is your problem, not them. He took the vows.

If you were thinking of your son, you would leave him. Stop making excuses. It is not healthy to keep your son in this environment. People split up all the time, and the kids grow up to be perfectly fine. It is much better than seeing a miserable parent and knowing that the other is cheating on the family.

You need to do what is best for you and your kid. Your husband is a louse. Please get tested for STDs.

I am sorry. Dump his sad sorry azz.

How long have you been married? His extracurricular activities seem like whack-a-mole, when one is explained away, there'a another. You need to suggest marriage therapy, since you won't leave. This is one avenue. Another is to visit with your family to clear your head and get out of the thick of it and in more neutral and supportive surroundings..

he finally fessed up.. And said that she told him he was the father to her 7 year old that's when figured out he had not seen her for 8 and a bit years so the timing didn't add up..to back up they got drunk one night 8 and a half years ago while he was holidays back home and they both woke up in a hotel together not knowing whether they had slept together.

Well....now you know that the whole could be his child thing was a big fat lie.

Please do not contact the other women. They aren't the problem here, your husband is. Contacting them will just make you look crazy and weak. It's also completely pointless in that they already know he is married and don't care. That tells you that you are dealing with some messed up low lives and you don't want to fuel their fire. Some women out there enjoy the fight and the competition. Don't stoop.

Do yourself a huge favor and copy everything you've found so far and put it somewhere safe. Also, go speak to a divorce lawyer and learn your rights. Doesn't mean that you have to jump to divorce him today, just know your legal rights. That will help you a lot and give you some mental clarity on your options.

Accept that at this point you really have no idea if this is all just cyber chatting or has gone further and if it hasn't, he likely was lining things up. You also don't know how long he has been doing this. Contrary to a lot of cheating advice out there, the why he is doing it doesn't matter. The short answer is lack of character.

The conversation that you need to have and the question that you need to ask is a simple one - what's happening with your marriage and is he looking for a divorce. Listen carefully to what he says. Try to figure out also where you really stand and what you want. Don't use your son as an excuse to accept cheating. You know perfectly well yourself that a cheating parent causes more harm and damage than a divorce. If you know that you can't forgive your husband and get past this, then it's best you let it go. Your son doesn't need to grow up with this kind of an example where daddy is wh...ring while mommy is sitting home pretending all is well. Kids are perceptive and they know and figure out more than you think. The correct example here is that actions have consequences and when a relationship is bad and a spouse is cheating, you find your backbone and leave them.

 

And yes I'm furious at him but I can't leave I have a son to think of, my family live interstate and overseas.. If I leave I have to move far away.. Im so confused and hurt I just don't know what to do, I can't even tell anyone because I don't trust anyone anymore..

 

Someone please help me my heart is hurting so much I thought after all we'd been through that I was his one and only 💔

 

Heart broken Housewife

I think anyone who is hit upside of their head with this kind of information feels frozen. As if they can't move and any decision seems impossible. But in time and after the shock starts to settle you do find your way out. Nothing is impossible. Actually what would be impossible is for you to stay in this sham of a marriage.

Yes, it's a crying shame that you two have a child together. But trying to endure this situation for the sake of the child isn't healthy for anyone in the long run.

Come up with a plan. Call your family and reach out for support.

You remember that your father cheated on your mother....how did that make you feel? So why would you want to put your son through that?

why can't you leave him?

how does staying together help the son? What.. you want to teach him that this is love and how married people act? I don't think so.

LEAVE for everybody's sake - ESPECIALLY your son's sake so he learns:

1. that you're never stuck and can always leave a situation that desn't work for you

2. that you never have to settle and can always look for somethign better

3. that anybody that treats you like this (even a spouse) - doesn't belong in your life so remove them from your life.

So you will live a minimum of another 14 years with a man who doesn't love you, cheats and lies, until your child is grown? Why would you sacrifice your happiness for a man who is a scumbag? No, as others have said, this will hurt your son, not help him.

Make an exit plan. If you don't work, get a job during the hours your child is a school, even if it's part time. Or if you need any training or education to get a good job, use this time to get it and just be a roommate to your husband right now (avoiding intimacy). If you share credit cards, have his name removed as an authorized user on your credit cards. If you share a bank account, stop that joint account and get an account in your name only. If you have been married at least 10 years, in certain states, you are entitled to have of his retirement accounts at the time of the divorce, and you are entitled to half his pension, if he has one, when he retires.

You will certainly be entitled to child support and possible spousal support. If you're low income, you can look into federal aid programs like SNAP and medicaid, etc. I'd rather live in a studio apartment than with the slime ball that you're subjected to, and I'd certainly move by relatives if I had no other choice with a divorce. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

"I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we talked things through.."

- You gave him more time to cheat. That's all.

"Someone please help me my heart is hurting so much..."

- Brace yourself, and take advice from those who have been there.

Once you exit the shock phase, it's going to get worse.

Much worse.

Btw, He's certainly not a serial social media cheater!

As a child of divorced parents (and in which one of them cheated on the other), I can tell you by first hand experience that children of unhappy married couples with cheating story are not happier than children of divorced parents. So this whole staying with a lying cheat because of the children is in my opinion a fallacy and misconception.

So two people end up in a hotel room together after drinking and neither one on them know if they had sex or not? Sure that is believable....NOT

You cannot move far away because your lying cheating husband will get joint physical custody or your adopted son.

Before we go any further explain why you can't divorce him.

Lost

Leave. It will not get any better, only worse.

You know now what he is doing, don't try to fool yourself that he will change or that you need to stay for your child's sake.

Just get out.

Move back to where your family is, take your son with you, file divorce papers and leave him.

I am so sorry you've going through this. I know how tough it can be. Be strong, you can do this. You need to get away from him.

We've been married for six years together 8 and half, this was before we started dating...

Leave. It will not get any better, only worse.

 

You know now what he is doing, don't try to fool yourself that he will change or that you need to stay for your child's sake.

 

Just get out.

 

Move back to where your family is, take your son with you, file divorce papers and leave him.

 

I am so sorry you've going through this. I know how tough it can be. Be strong, you can do this. You need to get away from him.

So two people end up in a hotel room together after drinking and neither one on them know if they had sex or not? Sure that is believable....NOT

 

You cannot move far away because your lying cheating husband will get joint physical custody or your adopted son.

 

Before we go any further explain why you can't divorce him.

 

Lost

I am sorry for all of this.

 

The dude is a cheat and a liar. Period.

 

If he thought it was his son, but only sent $200.00? Did you see any messages where he confronted her. You know that that that is all a lie.

 

He is cheating with multiple women. God only knows how long this has going on and how many he has been physical with. He is your problem, not them. He took the vows.

 

If you were thinking of your son, you would leave him. Stop making excuses. It is not healthy to keep your son in this environment. People split up all the time, and the kids grow up to be perfectly fine. It is much better than seeing a miserable parent and knowing that the other is cheating on the family.

 

You need to do what is best for you and your kid. Your husband is a louse. Please get tested for STDs.

How long have you been married? His extracurricular activities seem like whack-a-mole, when one is explained away, there'a another. You need to suggest marriage therapy, since you won't leave. This is one avenue. Another is to visit with your family to clear your head and get out of the thick of it and in more neutral and supportive surroundings..

I think anyone who is hit upside of their head with this kind of information feels frozen. As if they can't move and any decision seems impossible. But in time and after the shock starts to settle you do find your way out. Nothing is impossible. Actually what would be impossible is for you to stay in this sham of a marriage.

 

Yes, it's a crying shame that you two have a child together. But trying to endure this situation for the sake of the child isn't healthy for anyone in the long run.

 

Come up with a plan. Call your family and reach out for support.

You remember that your father cheated on your mother....how did that make you feel? So why would you want to put your son through that?

"I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we talked things through.."

- You gave him more time to cheat. That's all.

 

"Someone please help me my heart is hurting so much..."

- Brace yourself, and take advice from those who have been there.

 

Once you exit the shock phase, it's going to get worse.

 

Much worse.

 

 

Btw, He's certainly not a serial social media cheater!

There's so much to the story I didn't add the reason I can't leave is because I have debilitating disease, I can't live with my family because they dont have access to the hospital care that I require.. My in laws help me a lot with my son.. I rely heavily on my husband for care at times

My husband and I have been together 8 , married for 6 years he slept with that girl six months before we met ..He did confront her for lying and cut her off when she admitted she was using him for money .. But it doesn't excuse the rest of his behavior... And his lying

We are talking things through, I know it's not a quick fix ,maybe we won't work out maybe we will..

Thank you for all your advice

Read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let him see this book.)

What about marriage counselling?

You need help working this out. Anytime the word serial is put in front of anything it means this is who they are. Look up the word.

Suggest marriage counseling so you both can talk in a safe controlled environment. Perhaps he can learn to respect you and you can learn to respect yourself.

Being needy or needing your husband for insurance or daily care is not a marriage, it is an arrangement.

You came here because you don't want this to continue so take the leap and start looking for therapists.

Lost