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Thread: - she constantly leaves me hanging

  1. #1

    - she constantly leaves me hanging

    Ok, so I get it.. women don't want to be over pursued. Last time we spoke it ended like this (after a 3rd good hangout)

    Me: yo b , let's hang out down at the opera house soon .

    Her: sounds cool D , I'll see what I can do.

    1.5 weeks passes.. everyday I obsessively think of her. But to any noobs you have to be strong because they can sniff the deaperation. She contacts after 1.5 weeks.

    Her: Morning!
    Just wandering if you're still keen to shoot opera house & harbour bridge shots sometime?

    Me : Hi B! For sure.. Does Tuesday work for you? If not throw a day at me and I'll see if I can slot it into my schedule. :)

    Her: I wish I could've seen you today before Australia Day for some patriotic shots lol
    Tuesday I'm working all day;
    How's wed 30th morning?

    Me: You wanna go today ?

    Her:
    Unfortunately I can't today
    Though my next availability is Wednesday (cold?)

    Me: Ohhh I thought you were being spontaneous. It does turn out I have an availability for Wednesday morning. lock it in?

    Her: Sure sounds great 👍🏼
    Shall we meet early?

    Me: sure how about 8:30am

    Now silence for 12 hours. Shes done this a few times . I may not even here from her til Wednesday. I've been thinking I should cancel.. because she has cancelled on me a few times. I work for myself so Im actually always willing to move things around to see her but ita so confusing. She's seems so keen when she is with me.. then even when she leaves it's like silence. I feel just like trash kinda. And I think maybe even more so the hurt that she doesn't like me is that she just leave me a hanging and I can't even focus.

    please what should I do??????

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Silver Member
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    Why are you letting a week and a half go by without contacting her? It seems to me, you could reach out, call, text a little, and arrange a plan to meet more often. You don't want to lose that momentum. I'm just tired of men falling off the planet and then they circle back around after a couple weeks, sometimes longer. She was probably waiting on you to reach out as well. Don't play games. If you have a day off coming up, call her up or text her to see if she's free. She can respond with an alternative day, and if your schedule is more flexible, go with it. Chat a little. Don't leave her hanging on the weekends. If she's consistently flaky and seeming not interested, let her go. It would stink if she consistently blows you off, but there are no guarantees with dating. You'll feel better if you put in a little more effort...at least you tried. Move on if it's not working for you. Sorry to sound flippant, but if she's not into you, there's really not much you can do about it. I think you're doing yourself a disservice if you go weeks without contacting her, though.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Um, yeah, what paisley said.

    Honestly, the subtext of this is that you seem to enjoy the game of dating more than, you know, dating someone. You seem to think of women as part of some wild, mysterious, alien breed that require stealth pursuit rather than, um, human beings much like you. You'd kind of rather "obsessively think of her" than talk to her, see what's what, how sparkly the spark is. You tell yourself that this is because you're a pro—not a "noob"—but frankly this all amounts to some amateur acrobatics. You're throwing out a morsel, then twisting and turning when she doesn't make it a meal. You're getting off on the dance but you're basically dancing by yourself.

    Don't want 12 hours of silence? Say hi over text. Want more than a cursory "hi," then offer more than a cursory hi. If "hi" and/or more than hi scares her off—not the woman for you, a weak spark. And, well, if 12 hours of silence leaves you swirling in a pit of uncertainty—might take that as sign to diversify your interests so 12 hours can pass the way it does for the rest of us, in a non-anxious flash.

    Not sure I count myself as a pro, but when I'm interested in a woman I let her know. Often. I don't sit on my thumbs in agony. I ask about her day and her life over text, knowing (in the case of the woman I'm currently seeing) that she is busy (work, a kid, a whole life that—gulp!—has nothing to do with me) and that her business is largely what I find so compelling about her and makes me excited to see her again.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by davedreamer88
    1.5 weeks passes.. everyday I obsessively think of her. But to any noobs you have to be strong because they can sniff the deaperation. She contacts after 1.5 weeks.
    Since when is talking to someone you're interested in considered desperation?
    I've been thinking I should cancel.. because she has cancelled on me a few times.
    Not sure of your objective here. If you're concerned about her consistently cancelling, stop asking her out. A woman who is interested in you, will find a way. This all sounds like too much trouble. One of you, or both of you don't sound terribly interested. Best to let this one go. Find someone who feels more natural. Stop worrying so much about gaming the system. Be confident. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This is simple. Be more organized, concrete and decisive. Keep the momentum up with texts in between dates and ask her out on real dates in advance. She's doing all the heavy lifting contacting you and making viable/reasonable counter offers, etc. You are not exclusive so whoever else she may be meeting/seeing will win out if you keep laying back this much and not making specific advance plans.
    Originally Posted by davedreamer88
    Last time we spoke it ended like this (after a 3rd good hangout)

    1.5 weeks passes..
    Her: Morning!
    Just wandering if you're still keen to shoot opera house & harbour bridge shots sometime?
    Me : Hi B! For sure.. Does Tuesday work for you? If not throw a day at me and I'll see if I can slot it into my schedule. :)
    Me: You wanna go today ?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    This is simple. Be more organized, concrete and decisive. Keep the momentum up with texts in between dates and ask her out on real dates in advance. She's doing all the heavy lifting contacting you and making viable/reasonable counter offers, etc. You are not exclusive so whoever else she may be meeting/seeing will win out if you keep laying back this much and not making specific advance plans.
    Not really, 9 times out of 10 the other guy will smother her until she bails. But OP, you've been out 3 times, you can tighten up your contact - nothing wrong with a few texts here and there.

  8. #7
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    I think tighten up your communication and gain a little more control in a non desperate way!


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