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Thread: I completely ruined my life.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    You didn't destroy your life. You made a mistake which was drinking more than you could handle. Actually both of you had more than you could handle. (I'm assuming that up I were both very drunk and there was no sexual contact)

    Now it's time to move again, get another job and another circle of friends. You've done it once and you can do it again.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Sorry but unless the OP is not telling us the whole story this is ridiculous. He's 'done a few physical things' with his FWB whilst both were black-out drunk. So what? S*** happens. God knows I've done my fair share of stupid things when drunk. Doesn't make me a monster who deserves to loose my entire circle of friends and my job.
    I agree. I feel it was an over the top reaction.

    People do stupid things when they're drunk. Girls kiss guys they'd never do otherwise, even sleep with them. How does that make it any less than what went on here?

    It's a fine line, because I don't want anyone thinking that it's okay to molest or rape someone whilst drunk. Though I also think that stupid decisions doesn't make someone as bad as that.

    But for all of them to kick him out, unfriend, him lose his job and place to stay? It seems way over the top given what happened.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this happened. You need to get the drinking, anxiety and depression under control. Find the help you need.
    Originally Posted by Jy1986usa
    we got incredibly wasted. My roommates told me that at one point she was passed out on the couch and I laid on top of her inappropriately and did a couple other things, not sexual but not ok either (I know itís still really messed up) Never have I ever done anything similar even while drunk.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Yeah, sorry but it does sounds like these so called friends way over reacted. Threatening you, your job, and kicking you out was actually inappropriate and amounts to blackmailing behavior. Hate to say this, but their own hands right now are dirty and they probably don't even realize that.

    When people get drunk, sh$t happens and you were both wasted voluntarily. Thinking back to my own friends and our party drinking days, yeah there were some incidents of someone drinking too much and becoming a handful. Yes, it does ruin the fun and the party for everyone else. Yes, we did have a serious talking to once the person is sober, but it's more along the lines of "you better learn your limits because if this ever happens again, you are on your own." The culprits in question got the message loud and clear, plus decent people do feel bad for wrecking the night for everyone, same as you feel awful for it. Point being that you don't have to be an evil drunk alcoholic to drink too much and for things to get out of hand as a result. Throwing stones in glass houses and all that.

    There really are three separate lessons for you here. One is don't get involved with a girl when your dating goals are different. This isn't just about you wanting more and she doesn't, but also other way around. You don't want anything and she does. In either case, things can get very very messy.

    Second thing obviously is from now on to forever, limit your drinking and never ever get caught up in having even one drink more than you've limited yourself to.

    Third thing is keep your friends, roommates, and work all separate. Roommates are just people you live with. Friendly sure, but not friends. Co-workers, are just co-workers. Sure you need to be friendly with them and head out to a happy hour if that's the culture, but again, remember to keep a bit of an arm's length in that these are the people you work with and so you need to be careful with them about what you say, not getting drunk, etc, etc, etc. Friends are people you hang out with for fun, it's people you have a connection with over something like a hobby, a sport, an interest, but you don't work with them, live with them, etc. Those are people where you can let your hair down and be more your relaxed self around. You've got to learn to compartmentalize life a little because when you don't, what just happened will happen.

    Anyway, try not to beat yourself up too much. You made some mistake and misjudgments, but you aren't a monster. Focus on this - you were here before and you were able to get out there and build a happy life for yourself. That means that you absolutely can do so again, but this time being a little wiser, do it better and compartmentalize more.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Focus on the fact that this time next year, your life could be much different (in a good way) and you could be in a better place, with better friends and a nice girlfriend.

    It is possible.

    For now, just keep moving forward.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I agree. I feel it was an over the top reaction.

    People do stupid things when they're drunk. Girls kiss guys they'd never do otherwise, even sleep with them. How does that make it any less than what went on here?

    It's a fine line, because I don't want anyone thinking that it's okay to molest or rape someone whilst drunk. Though I also think that stupid decisions doesn't make someone as bad as that.

    But for all of them to kick him out, unfriend, him lose his job and place to stay? It seems way over the top given what happened.
    I know this might seem a little out of topic and I don't want to seem like I'm condoning drunk rape or anything, but I never understood if 2 people are both intoxicated and drunk beyond common sense and get physically involved, why is it his fault if both were drunk and not on their right mind.

    I also believe that given what happened, these "friends''" reaction is too over the top. Especially the part about saying they're going to tell his boss and make him be fired.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member superfan's Avatar
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    I highly doubt his friends would have acted this way without good reason. Regardless, I personally think that instead of trying to excuse what you did you need to own up to it and learn from it.

    Regardless of whether you had a physical relationship or not, if she is not conscious, she cannot consent to ANYTHING you do. Trying to excuse it by saying "crap happens when drinking" is not learning a thing.

    So what should you do?

    1. Get some help for your mental health issues if you can
    2. Get some help to deal with your drinking and make a pledge not to drink to excess like that again.
    3. Never ever touch a woman while drunk. It's not okay. Ever.
    4. Recognize you can't change what happened and work on making new friends.

    You may have to build your life from the ground up and that is a result of the choices you made. Own that.

  9. #18
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    I have acknowledged I made a big mistake and never excused it by being black out drunk. It was a terrible thing to do.

    One thing that made my roommate so mad is that me and the girl were supposed to be distancing ourselves from each other and she had said we shouldnít have relations anymore. However, what she said and did were two different things. Apparently she had already turned me down that night too. So I see why that makes it worse.

    Anyway thank you for the responses. Like I said itís done. I canít do anything to repair it with the roommates. It seems like the general consensus is they did overreact. Iím just dumbfounded this escalated so quickly. Iím so distraught. It took me 14 months to get that job and I just donít think I can do this all over again. Moving to Texas, getting the job, making the friends is what saved me from myself.

    Iím so lost. All I want is to be back in Texas right now and hanging out with them. And I know that wonít ever happen. I really donít know how I will recover from this. Iíve burned just about every bridge I have. Iím not sure Iíll be able to survive this.

  10. #19
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    Texas is a big place and there are a lot of other jobs out there. You can make new friends.

  11. #20
    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
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    Mod Note: Please remain on topic and do not start debates about rape.

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