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Thread: I completely ruined my life.

  1. #1
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    I completely ruined my life.

    Iíll try to keep this as short as possible as I know really long posts can be a little too much. But I want you to get the full story.

    But essentially I just completely destroyed my life. A little back story. I moved to Texas almost a year ago because I needed a new start. I was going through a breakup, trouble finding a job, and battling severe depression. And it was the best decision I ever made. I found a great job, made great friends, and created a whole new life for myself. And I was doing really well.

    I even met a girl that was really fun. It was purely physical and she told me she didnít want a relationship. It was my roommates best friend. I struggled from time to time with this as I had genuine feelings for her. But was more less ok with things. Eventually though she had to take a step back because she knew I couldnít handle a physical only relationship and we went back to being just friends without the benefits.

    Well less than a week ago we decided to go do some day drinking together. And we got incredibly wasted. We both blacked out. We came back to our house and continued drinking. And as I said I was blacked out so donít remember anything and neither does she.

    I apparently made a big mistake. My roommates told me that at one point she was passed out on the couch and I laid on top of her inappropriately and did a couple other things, not sexual but not ok either (I know itís still really messed up) Never have I ever done anything similar even while drunk. They stopped it. I also got in a big fight with my roommate and called her a bunch of bad names. Just a real bad night.

    Well the next day they told me I needed to move out right away and that they wanted nothing to do with me ever again. And that the entire friend group hated me now and wanted me gone. I also work with my roommate and she threatened to tell my work what had occurred. So in a panic I abruptly quit my job. The next day went and moved all my stuff out of the house and drove back home to Colorado where my parents live.

    I completely destroyed an incredibly good thing I had going in Texas. Career, friends, reputation. Iím now 32 years old and moved back in with my elderly parents with no job.

    And I am incredibly saddened and devastated by the experience and have no idea what Iím going to do next. The job wonít take me back. The relationships with the friends are unfixable. So I definitely cannot go back to Texas. And there is also nothing for me here. My old friends have long moved on and are married with kids.

    And the worst part is I was so close to really getting to where I wanted to be. Had a good job, friends, was happy, and was dating and doing somewhat well at it. I had two dates lined up this week. And in one bad night set myself so far back.

    And I am just freaking out about what Iím going to do. If anyone can offer some advice or words of encouragement I would really appreciate it. Iím not a bad person. Even the friend I was being inappropriate with told me Iím not a bad person. But I did do a bad thing that I canít reverse. I do acknowledge I have a drinking problem. Not with drinking too often but sometimes when I do drink I donít know when to stop and do dumb stuff. Please help.
    Last edited by Jy1986usa; 01-24-2019 at 09:30 PM. Reason: Spelling

  2. #2
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    Stop "day drinking" (whatever that means), and own up to your behavior abut what that big mistake was.

    What was it?

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    I did own up to it. I acknowledge it was a big mistake and something you just canít go back from.

    But the series of mistakes I made that led up to the big mistake was continuing to be close to her after I knew we wanted different things. If I would have just stopped hanging out with her so much after she told me she didnít want a relationship I wouldnít have gotten myself in this predicament.

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    I really donít want to be scorned for what took place that night. Iím very aware of how bad I messed up. What I would really like is advice on how to move on given the fact that now I am starting my life completely over again. Friends are gone, life I had is gone, and Iím now looking for a new job and a new life from scratch and trying to be a better human being. I do have some money saved up and am probably going to head to a new city in an attempt to re-create what I did in Texas.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    This girl wanted nothing but a physical relationship though, right?

    I am not excusing what you did to her(whatever that was), but if she already gave you the go ahead that she wanted to be physical, what was the difference that night?

    Neither of you knew what you were doing and she had already said she had wanted to be physical.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I am not excusing what you did to her(whatever that was), but if she already gave you the go ahead that she wanted to be physical, what was the difference that night?
    I think the difference is the fact that she was passed out and then he: "she was passed out on the couch and I laid on top of her inappropriately and did a couple other things, not sexual but not ok either (I know itís still really messed up)". I wouldn't be too happy with that either, but that's just me. I can see why the roommates/friends kicked him out (rightly so, imo).

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Yes but if he was blacked out, how can you punish someone for that?

    Not saying it was okay, whatsoever...but maybe his mindset was on the fact that she wanted to be physical and he was too out of it to make proper decisions.

  9. #8
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Yes but if he was blacked out, how can you punish someone for that?

    Not saying it was okay, whatsoever...but maybe his mindset was on the fact that she wanted to be physical and he was too out of it to make proper decisions.
    Because when it happened they were no longer "physical". At that point, apparently, they were just friends.
    "Eventually though she had to take a step back because she knew I couldnít handle a physical only relationship and we went back to being just friends without the benefits."

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I guess my point was, trying to establish that you're not a monster and so you'll stop feeling as horrible as you do.

    Drunk people do stupid things, they can't make proper decisions, they lose control.
    Your first mistake was drinking like that. You can't handle your alcohol and you get out of hand.

    The best thing you can do, is to end the drinking.

    What's done is done. You need to accept responsibility, come to terms with it all and move forward.
    This is still all overwhelming to you and no doubt quite stressful. But you can move past it. Give yourself some time.

    Focus on finding a job, in time you will find friends and can look for dates. But for now, try to settle your emotions down and concentrate on finding work and getting settled back in.

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    Sorry but unless the OP is not telling us the whole story this is ridiculous. He's 'done a few physical things' with his FWB whilst both were black-out drunk. So what? S*** happens. God knows I've done my fair share of stupid things when drunk. Doesn't make me a monster who deserves to loose my entire circle of friends and my job.

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