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Thread: Things are going well but I’m insecure for some reason

  1. #1
    Member Yarmer's Avatar
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    Things are going well but I’m insecure for some reason

    I moved back home for a job and to be closer to my family and began dating this girl from my hometown. We’ve been together for about 6 months.

    At first, I was really focusing on my job and would see her when I could/ have energy. I liked her company and the sex was great. Slowly we became more serious and we have said we love each other.
    Everyone in the town knows we’re together there’s a lot of gossip. People know my family well and they know hers from a different spectrum. Not many single people in town so when two attractive young people start dating people like to know about it. So there’s some pressure there I think.

    As I’ve gotten to know her, she’s very experienced in bed. Has done it all. While I, on the other hand, have taken a more conservative approach to my sex life. Only had one serious gf in my life. (I’m 30) she’s 26

    I feel insecure at times in the sack with her. Was it good enough? Did she cum? I put pressure to make sure it’s the best possible sex or I have this fear she would leave. The insecurity started small but now has gotten to a point where I have convinced myself she’s with someone else to make up for my ineptness. She teases me a lot and challenges my masculinity and this adds to the flame. I work out daily and have a very demanding job which I’m still fairly new at.

    My insecurities about the whole relationship has caused me to hold back a lot of the time and she says she wishes I’d share/communicate more.

    I want to be the leader/masculine figure in the relationship but sometimes it’s hard to be when my head is full of doubt. Am I good enough?

    Any advice would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    Has she said she is unhappy with your sex life? When you say you want to make sure it's the best possible sex what do you mean by this? Given how long you have been together at minimum you should at least know what gives her an orgasm by now and whether or not she has had one. If you don't know, you aren't paying enough attention to her body language and responses to what you do in bed.

    That all being said, women need emotional connection and intimacy to enhance physical intimacy. Want to really blow her mind? Do that communication thing that she is asking you to do. Take time to appreciate who she is as a person before getting physical. In my experience, the sexiest thing on earth is a guy that is respectful and takes the time to get to know me and communicates authentically with me outside the bedroom.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    After 6 mos the question is, is she good enough if she makes you feel lousy about yourself.
    Originally Posted by Yarmer
    Am I good enough?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Yarmer
    . She teases me a lot and challenges my masculinity and this adds to the flame.
    My insecurities about the whole relationship has caused me to hold back a lot of the time and she says she wishes I’d share/communicate more.

    I want to be the leader/masculine figure in the relationship but sometimes it’s hard to be when my head is full of doubt. Am I good enough?

    .
    Given everything you shared, it's somewhat understandable. For the most part it's something you need to push through and not get hung up on.

    I do take issue with her comments. Those comments from her are something I would never say to a man. Not to a man I wanted to continue to have a relationship with.

    Just curious, if nothing else changed and she hadn't said those comments, would that make any difference? It's as if the very thing you are concerned about, she is pointed it out to you.

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  6. #5
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    What kinds of things does she say to tease you and challenge your masculinity?

    It’s one thing to tease each other in a light and playful way, but if she’s making comments at your expense, that’s a completely different story.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I do take issue with her comments. Those comments from her are something I would never say to a man. Not to a man I wanted to continue to have a relationship with.
    Here's my take on those comments, which I'll expand to a take on the situation.

    Those comments are her insecurities, unprocessed, being somewhat weaponized, attaching onto your own insecurities. She's younger than you, and probably feels that in certain respects, which triggers some of the boilerplate insecurities of being 26 and unsure of oneself.

    Where doesn't she feel that divide? In the bedroom, between the sheets, because she's got more experience than you there.

    Thing is, even that might be connected to some insecurities—the overinflated sense that her her worth and value is connected to sex. Something she might play up while, well, actually feeling kind of down about it.

    Big picture: relationships, at least healthy ones, aren't little chess games where insecurities are triggered and soothed, but rather where two people build a deepening sense of security together. Hard to ever say why that works or doesn't, but it's more or less what people mean by "compatible."

    Maybe if you can see, in your own head, that she's just as insecure as you are you won't let this get to you and can "push through," per reinvent's advice. Because, yeah, if you can't push through this dynamic is only going to deepen.

    You are a stud, were a stud before you met her, but if you can't feel like a stud with her—well, eggshells.

  8. #7
    Member Yarmer's Avatar
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    She has not come out and said she is unhappy, but sometimes she will say “one night you need to take a viagra.” Or “don’t cum” I want to make sure we are both satisfied after we have sex. Thank you for your response.

  9. #8
    Member Yarmer's Avatar
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    Thank you for your response. Some really great insight here.

  10. #9
    Member Yarmer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by milly007
    What kinds of things does she say to tease you and challenge your masculinity?



    It’s one thing to tease each other in a light and playful way, but if she’s making comments at your expense, that’s a completely different story.

    She has called me a “” because I didn’t want to talk about something. “You’re such a girl” at the same time she will say “it’s ok to let your feminin side open up” or “you don’t always have to be macho.”

    I just want to make sure I’m leading and she is fine with that.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    After 6 mos the question is, is she good enough if she makes you feel lousy about yourself.
    I thought the same !!

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