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Thread: Weirdest / most inexplainable crush

  1. #1

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    Weirdest / most inexplainable crush

    This is my 2nd post so forgive me if Iím in the wrong spot

    Allow me to set the frame :

    Iím a late 30s guy thatís happily married with young child - good gig - lifeís good

    I am not having an affair - I have no plans to - letís get that straight from the jump. I just need to get this out as itís therapuetic and Iím geniously curious what yíall think (particularly the women )

    I frequent a local spot for breakfast maybe 1-2x a week - your classic in the city hipster cafe - and have been since weíve been living here - a few years. Waitresses that serve me here come and go - your typical turnover rate for these type of gigs. They are all insanely hipster - tats, crazy hair on some - piercings- the mismatching clothes - none of them crazy hot - think 6/10s - the love of obscure music and art - you get the idea.

    I go in - have a seat - drink a couple of cups of coffee - send emails - eat and generally fuel up for the work day ahead. Iíll have some interesting small talk type chat here and there with the waitresses and itís great but short and Iím out the door and off to work.

    But something strange has happened and it is absolutely uncharted territory for me. I have the most unexplainable crush on my current waitress and am trying to understand the root.

    Even more odd - upon first seeing her when she started - thought to myself that she was unattractive - Tats on the arm - the oversize hipster jeans - the oversize Budweiser sweatshirts - just not my fav look on a woman( nothing against those that go for this look - itís just not my thing )

    Weeks go by with me paying very little attention - doing my routine - being polite - perhaps even dropping a compliment on some of her outfits on rare occasions - why not spread some love and give people props from time to time. Just short small talk. It is freaking breakfast after all - Iím not posted up at the bar on a Thursday night.

    One day I hear an unsolicited ď Iíve been thinking about you ď as she walks up to the table - (I would hear this one other time as well) I donít ask why - just a playfully confused (but sort of flattered) ďokĒ from me. In hindsight I should have said - ďabout what exactly?Ē But I digress.

    I am thinking - is this girl trolling me or is she serious ? Iím trying to think of ways itís not what I think it is. I dismiss it ultimately and take it as a mild form of flattery - or maybe she just says wierd to people

    There is another breakfast spot across the street that I will sometimes hit just to mix it up a little. Funny thing is one can look out the window of one place and see who is coming and going to the other. The next time Iím in - she begins to playfully (and kind of weirdly but Iím not wierded out) call me out for going there instead of coming to see her. I actually find it to be a pretty funny bit - say that Iíll have to disguise myself from now on, all good. I am a little wierd myself - we all are.

    At this point my antenna is starting to go up and I am starting to wonder if this chic is into me - but I donít have much more evidence than the above to go by. I am not one to typically make false assumptions on whether or not I think someone likes me - I consider myself to be conservative in this regard - assuming it is probably nothing most often.

    Fast fwd a few weeks and she has unloaded / opened up the following information to me unsolicited :

    -She is a 26 yo single mom to child that is the same age as mine - so we will riff on this parenting topic a decent bit
    -She has a fractured relationship with her father who has been married 6 times. 6! Huge daddy issues. These things just come out of nowhere because there is only so much time to converse as she has other tables
    -We talk about music a little - Iím fairly versed on the topic - She is writing down obscure hipster song recommendations on tickets and giving them to me ( no number tho thankfully )
    - she is listening to me randomly talk about movies or music whatever BS and at times writing down some of the things I say - intently listening as if Iím teaching geometry - genuinely interested in what Iím saying - it is just weird - but not in a bad way per se.
    - her baby daddy is around - lives close by - but sounds like your typical loser. She refers to him as BD - I do not know his name. The vibe I gather is thatís its not an ideal situation

    Thereís more of this - but you get where I am going

    One day Iím in there and as guys weíve prob all had these moments - women probably more often ;) :

    Youíre in a bar or wherever out socially and youíre talking / drinking / hanging with a girl you like and there is that moment in time that you ďknowĒ itís going down. You are in.

    I felt this come over me one day - I got the ďsoft punchĒ in the back one day as i had to sit at the bar - amongst the usual banter. We all sometimes want to know if weíve ďstill got it ď right ? No harm in that. But this sense of supreme confidence came over me that - if you want to make a run at it - itís yours. Not trying to sound arrogant - Iím no Casanova - just a regular stiff like everyone else that gets lucky now and then.

    Over the course of the last week or so - this involuntarily feeling has welled up inside and there is just no stopping it - it is the damndest thing ever. It makes absolutely no sense. Iíve now got a full fledged crush on this chick - from totally unattracted / not my type to fantasies running thru my head on the daily.

    The good thing is Iíve been able to harness this feeling into crushing it harder at work - crushing it at home with my fine ass wife - walking around with some juice, some mojo, and it is working wonders - I want to stretch it out as much as I can

    Iím aware acting on this would be totally assinine - itís not gonna happen - but Iím just so fascinated by this feeling. The stomach turning - the yearning - that white hot ball of fire inside. Some days I think Iíve got it by the tail only to be sucked right back - itís truly nuts. It cannot he turned on or off ( but I am working on it )

    Iím curious on if my gut is correct about this girl or am I completely delusional and an idiot ? - I think Iím pretty logical when it comes to these things. Iíve been in many relationships over the course of my life - itís not my first rodeo. Part of me wonders if the reason for the crush is that I suspect itís likely mutual - why would I be in this spot for any other reason . Ahh the mysteries of life

    I joke to myself that this girl probably sprinkled some of her special hipster voodoo dust into my coffee and Iím now under her spell.

    Thx for reading

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The concept of Forbidden fruit is as old as the bible.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I see two things going on here possibly.

    But first: Do you talk about your family or wife while "chatting"

    First thing I see and know is that waitresses often become friendly with regulars and I would bet you aren't the only one. They do this because they are friendly people and it also has a dramatic affect on the amount of tip they receive.

    Second thing is you like the attention and are encouraging it (intentionally or not) which she is responding to. Flirting with women while married is not a good idea which you know so you need to see this for what it is and nip it right now before one of your wife's friends sees you in there flirting away and snitches you off.

    You like the attention which you basically admitted and enjoy the possibility of what if? This is all something in your head like a day dream or fantasy with what you think has no down side because after all you aren't attracted to her right? You are married so nothing will happen so it is all harmless.

    These white hot balls of fire you speak of show it is not harmless. See this for what it is and get back to reality.

    Bring your wife and child in for breakfast this weekend, that should slow this way down and let reality crash into your fantasies.

    Lost

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    All denial and justification and trying to convince yourself that dudes just do this aside, the reality is that you are setting yourself up to cheat on your wife and you are pretty far along that road. No, decent dudes with a wife and kids don't let this kind of stuff develop to the level you have. This, what you are doing is exactly how cheaters then sit and go "gosh it just happened...." Thing is that no, it didn't just happen. You are actively pursuing it, going to the place, flirting, developing that connection and building up the crush and the fantasy, getting off on it, warming up to this idea that you could totally bed her if you wanted to, feels good, etc, etc, etc. You just haven't actually acted on it ...yet.... but if you carry on with this, you will....

    So if you truly care about your wife, your kid, your life and don't want to lose all that, lose this chic today. No more going to that place. Quit cold turkey. In the future, change things around and don't engage in long term flirting and chatting like that period. You've already crossed many lines here.

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  6. #5
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    1) It's their job to make you come back and spend money.
    2) Make coffee at home. Drink coffee at home.
    3) It's okay to have a crush. Give you an idea of what to work on at home. BUT...
    4) If you are now writing detailed encounters, stop going there, and go someplace new moving forward.

  7. #6
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    You find you lust for somebody who is not your wife "fascinating?"
    Over the course of the last week or so - this involuntarily feeling has welled up inside and there is just no stopping it - it is the damndest thing ever. It makes absolutely no sense.
    It's biology, not a fascinating sparkling unicorn mystery. You're experiencing lust. Everybody experiences it, including your wife. Would you find it "fascinating" if she was lusting after the pool boy or the mailman--people whose job it is basically to be courteous and nice because it's kind of part of their job? When you look at it from an outside perspective you see that it is not fascinating at all, just sad.

    It's weird that you refer to being with a woman as getting "it" or "getting in" if you "want to make a run at it," "it's yours." What's all this "it" business? Your'e talking about a whole human being and a mother who is working to support her child. Whatever you are referring to, "it" is not "yours" and never will be. Just say what you mean. "I think I can have sex with this single mom waitress because her dad is a dirtbag so she is extra vulnerable. It makes me feel good about myself so I'm focusing on that and am just so interested in how my lust is overcoming my common sense, like wow this is so deep I am unaware that literally every human being feels it and most don't navel gaze over it."

    It's not a "mystery of life." You sound like a bad novelist. I feel bad for your "fine ass" wife on so many levels. Feel bad for this waitress also. If she's into you, she'd probably be turned off by what you've said here. She probably mistook you for somebody with depth.

    I think you should go for it so your wife can see the real you.

  8. #7
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Iím curious on if my gut is correct about this girl or am I completely delusional and an idiot ? - I think Iím pretty logical when it comes to these things.
    As well as the above statement appearing to speak for itself, it's obvious that you're into this much more than you're willing to admit-(imo).

    Have you thought of all you have to lose, as well as the long term consequences? THINK!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes. Everyone knows the seat of logic is in your pants.
    Originally Posted by OU8122
    I think Iím pretty logical.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Your entire opening post... well: Nice talk bro but when you're thinking stuff like this:
    Over the course of the last week or so - this involuntarily feeling has welled up inside and there is just no stopping it - it is the damndest thing ever. It makes absolutely no sense. Iíve now got a full fledged crush on this chick - from totally unattracted / not my type to fantasies running thru my head on the daily.
    Its time you start eating breakfast at home and then going straight to work. You're letting your ego guide you. She makes you feel noticed and you've let the good vibe take over your common sense and romantic relationship boundary(s).

  11. #10
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    Not to dogpile, but Wiseman I was going to say something similar about this excerpt:

    I have the most unexplainable crush on my current waitress and am trying to understand the root.
    The root of lusting after waitresses is usually the crotch. I'm seriously amazed a grown human could find this mysterious or "unexplainable". Guys going for waitresses is a tired old cliche.

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