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Thread: He says he has a low sex drive but watches porn. Only been together for 9 months

  1. #11
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Do not marry this man!!!

    He is not the one for you, and unless he meets a woman that doesn't want to have sex he isn't the man for anyone right now.

    I agree with everyone else. He is young, the relationship is young and you two should be going at it like rabbits and there shouldn't any regrets. I get the feeling he regrets it because it cuts into his porn masturbation routine.

    This isn't about you in the least so put that out of your head right now. If you search this forum you find thread after thread of some woman asking the same questions. We have seen 22 yr old guys that couldn't perform because they have been abusing themselves to porn for so long reality couldn't compete with fantasy.

    It is time to end this right now, you cannot force him to stop nor should you. He has chosen porn over you. Also if he truly loved you that much wouldn't he make you a priority in his life?

    I am sorry but until he choses to stop and focus on a real woman right in front of him this will never get better.

    Lost

  2. #12
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nadineblack
    He says that sometimes he has sex when his body isn't really in the mood for it and then regrets it and says that we probably shouldn't have had sex. Even though it's usually him that will initiate sex. I've become too insecure to initiate because since the beginning of our relationship he often tells me that he's not in the mood.
    That's concerning. For me, that would be a dealbreaker. When entering a relationship, I need someone who has a healthy relationship to their sexuality. At the base of that is ownership for being responsible to oneself and when and how one chooses to have sex. Frankly I wouldn't feel comfortable having sex with someone who is where this guy is now, nevermind a relationship.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to say but you sound incompatible and this guy has too many issues. Why subject yourself to feeling rejected and unattractive? It may be best to cut your losses.
    Originally Posted by nadineblack
    We've been dating for about 9 months. I'm 31 and he's 30. Since the beginning, he claims to have a low sex drive and says that he's at his limit on the amount of times we have sex per week (2-3 times during a good week). He'll also sometimes regret having sex after we've had it and tell me.

  4. #14
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    i will only comment that .. yes it actually could make sense that "low sex drive" people "watch porn"...
    they do it to try and invigorate their sex drive and rekindle it and find it again.
    that or.. it takes that level of hyper-sexual stimuli to get them stimulated (which makes sense for a LOW sex drive person... a HIGH sex drive person may only need to look and notice the shape of a pear to get hot...)

    Understand the meaning of words we use.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle

    How directly have you discussed all this with him? Clearly he has expressed to you his needs and preferences, but have you expressed your own? That can be done lovingly—like, hey, I love you and care about you but require x and y in order to also imagine things like marriage, forever.

    Also curious: Have you ever looked at porn together?
    I've asked him so many times if he has any fantasies or things he'd like to do in the bedroom. He says he doesn't.

    I wear lingerie and I try to be sexy. The other night I tied his hands back (because once he mentioned that he thinks this is hot) but he had half an erection throughout and took ages to finish :(

    He keeps telling me that I'm insatiable and it makes me feel terrible. I've never been told by any other man that my sex drive is too high. Usually it's a bit lower than my partner.

    We haven't watched porn together. Although the other day he sent me the instagram account of a couple who travel the world and make porn.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He's the one with the problem, not you. Cut your losses and stop being rejected and frustrated by this freak.
    Originally Posted by nadineblack
    he had half an erection throughout and took ages to finish :( . the other day he sent me the instagram account of a couple who travel the world and make porn.

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