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Thread: What should I do?

  1. #1

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    What should I do?

    Alright so Iíve been with my boyfriend for 4 months. Weíve moved pretty quickly. He has paid for all our outings everything we do he never expects me to pay. Recently he met my 2 kids I have from previous relationship & whenever we get take out or out to do anything he will pay. He took me to New York and paid for the whole vacation. We say I love you & weíve grown very close together. Iím super happy. For the past month heís been at my house like everyday I have my own apartment with my 2 kids and moneys been tight because I lost my job a month ago and now I got a new one and I am catching up. He knows all of this. Now anyway heís been at my house for a month hasnít left. His belongings are not here but he showers here and sleeps here he even stays here while I work and I cook for him when he isnít taking us out. Now am I expecting too much for him to help out with things around the house financially? Iím not good at this whole dating thing and since itís moved so fast Iím not sure what to do. Iím fine paying my bills but as a man should he be helping because he is here? Or does what he pay for when we go out makeup for that? He doesnít have his own place right now he was at his moms for free before this. I did discuss possibly moving in and he said he doesnít feel at home in my apartment because my ex (kids father) lived here before and that we should look for a apartment together somewhere else but I am trying to catch up as it is Iím not ready to uproot . am I being irrational. Be honest lol

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Absolutely expecting too much.

    He doesnít live with you and he takes you out. I bet what he spends on you FAR exceeds whatever benefit he gets from staying at your place.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Viceroy's Avatar
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    How about you say something along the lines of ď hey, do you mind giving me a hand with etc.... I would really appreciate the helpĒ.

    I think this is a win-win approach . From what youíve described, he seems like a nice guy and I would say has done a lot for you thus far .

  4. #4
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    He's an adult, therefore it's not your job to support him. In addition to that, it's unfair to expose your kids to this scenario, as they certainly deserve better.

    It's one thing as an adult to choose to "move fast," but to involve your children is grossly inconsiderate and confusing to them.

    Hopefully you'll reconsider, and strive to make better choices.

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  6. #5
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    He pays for everything, you're expecting WAY TOO much.

    Also, you shouldn't be introducing your kids so soon. Such a bad decision =="

  7. #6
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    I agree with mustlovedogs and Honeycomb. He is paying for all of your dates, which is more than enough at such an early stage of a relationship. If you're uncomfortable with him staying over all the time without committing to actually living together, then clearly set that boundary and stick to it. He is smart to not move in with you too quickly, in my opinion. Four months is just way too fast.

    Oh, and having a partner this new around your kids 24/7 is just irresponsible. It endangers their well-being and if the two of your break up, it will be hard on them as well.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Do not make major decisions like living together for a minimum of a year. At 4 months in, you're only scratching the surface of who this man is. Especially since you have children. Google the death and sexual abuse rates against children when a non-biological partner is living in the home. It's pretty scary.

    So this man doesn't want to live with Mommy. That's why he's spending every day at your house and has put your relationship on the fast track. This relationship will fizzle unless you make some changes. It's too soon to be spending every day together, and it sounds like he's using you. A normal pace of dating would be meeting up two or three times a week. And it doesn't need to be costly. Research free activities in the area, and Google ideas of fun and free date ideas. Your plan should also involve him only spending the night not more than once a week, and when you don't have your children around to witness this.

    Tell him you're not comfortable with him spending every day at your place, and changes need to happen for the benefit of your relationship. If you're afraid of losing him because of voicing your wishes, he's not the right man for you, especially if he gets angry or argues about your proposal.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    What strikes me in all of this is, do your kids live with you? How old and are you leaving them alone with him?

    Introducing kids this quickly isn't right (imo)..it is way way too fast and even more so if you're having him live with them. You don't know who he is 100% and I hope to god you're not leaving them with him.

    As for the money part, yes you're expecting too much. If it's becoming a burden to you, ask him to leave.

    He shouldn't be there this early on in a relationship, anyhow.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This way too much to soon. He should not even be with your kids no less at your place every day. You need to employ some reasonable boundaries, protect your kids and slow this way down. There are so many red flags here.

    You both need more alone time and you in particular need more alone/quality time with your kids. Some guy you know 16 weeks should not be alone with your kids while you work.

    You need to kick him out asap. He should not be camping out at your place. He doesn't owe you money because you have sadly allowed this parasite to quasi move in and worse, be around your kids when you're at work. You need to change the locks and send him back to his mother's house.

    Do not let this creep move in. It sounds like he's scamming you. Your kids father will hear about this and you may lose custody. You are letting some lazy homeless creep you only know 16 weeks be around your kids. What you are doing is reckless and endangering your kids emotionally and possibly physically.
    Originally Posted by Psmx3
    -Iíve been with my boyfriend for 4 months.
    -Recently he met my 2 kids I have from previous relationship
    -For the past month heís been at my house like everyday I have my own apartment with my 2 kids

    -heís been at my house for a month hasnít left.
    -he showers here and sleeps here he even stays here while I work and I cook for him when he isnít taking us out.
    -He doesnít have his own place right now he was at his moms for free before this.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Yes, you are expecting too much. He isn't living with you as such even if he is there every day. He also is paying for a lot of things in terms of going out, eating out, entertaining.

    What you do though is slow this way down and assert better boundaries. Limit his presence in your apartment. Him being there so much is way over the top at this stage of dating and probably more hard on your children than you realize. You all need some space and privacy. You shouldn't be talking about moving in, having any guy quasi-living with you like this for at least a solid year or more.

    I know you are happy, but beware of strangers offering free candy and really beware of men trying to fast track your relationship. Pump those brakes. If he respects that, you have a good guy. If he doesn't, pitches a fit, or backs off a little and then starts to push boundaries again, you need to get rid of him. He is no good and you are just scratching the surface of the no good. Remember that all horrible relationships start out with, "he was so sweet, treated me like a princes, paid for everything, took me on trips, and swept me off my feet." In real life, this kind of behavior doesn't end like the fairy tales. Back way off, assert some better boundaries, don't be dazzled by him paying for all the stuff and actually take your time to really get to know him. Learn how he handles conflict, bad times in life, etc. Then decide if you still want him around. Don't ever move in with anyone until you've experienced some rough waters with them and have seen how they are then.

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