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I'm not sure what to do!


Moonlight37

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Hi, I'm at a loss of what do do,I have been with my partner for a long time.We have been through so much stress together, money worries, health issues ,been evicted so I take this into account but my partner keeps getting fed up of my severe allergies that started a year ago,I'm allergic to everything pretty much,and he has health worries he says he worried about money and stuff ,I've offered him advice on those issues,cooked him special dinners ,massages, tried to be there for him,He says hes sick of my never ending issues with my allergies, or worries about finding work ect .He doesn't listen often and when I get upset over this he tells me to shut up! Or I'm sick of your tone I hate the sound of your voice ,he says I've tried so hard to remain calm but when I'm upset it's hard to sound calm.when I was struggling a while back I needed support he told me to just get on with things,that's what he dose,I tried so hard to do that, and not tell him about my problems.i often try not to talk to him ,he's called me names before when he's angry.Hes asked me questions then not let me answer then got annoyed he chased me down stairs ,I said I wanted to go out ,he blocked me and grabbed me saying for us to carry on talking, I was upset by this,he has mocked me as well and I get sarcastic comments or he jokes when I need him to be serious, I've said please be more sensitive and he tries but then goes back to being horrible.He had apologised for those things but recently he said for f sake I'm not taking to you then when I went up to explain I didn't know he wasn't talking to me he said shut the f up and hit me with a piece of clothing it wasn't hard but it scared me! He said it wasn't abh he said I shouldn't have followed him up! He says I push him too it.He said he would go to councilling.He can be really nice loving as well but he makes me feel like a burden on him as he says hes sick of my never ending issues with my allergies and other stuff. I'm not sure what I can do he can be so nice he says he acts like thus cause he s so stressed out but I don't know if he will change ,we've been going round in circles for a yr.i have no friends or family I can stay with if I decide to leave. He says hes not being abusive as he's not beating me to a pulp and he's not controlling me.He also makes the effort and for a couple of days then he gets annoyed with me.He says he listens ,but I don't feel he dose that much.We have been over the same issues for a year ,he makes an effort says he understand then doesn't understand then he getting annoyed and angry with me.

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Are either one of you working?

 

The relationship sounds really unhealthy and emotionally abusive. He does not sound like he loves or respects you.

 

Time to exit this relationship. He takes no responsibility and sounds mean.

 

Have you sought treatment for your allergies.

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He works but I'm not I have severe health issues.He says he loves me but how can he love me but treat me like this? I stayed at a hotel to get away but have nowhere to go.

 

You should only look at people's actions. Words mean nothing.

 

Have you seen a doctor?

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You may have to relocate.

 

Are the allergies constant? do you know your triggers?

 

I think that you also need to address the fact that you have no friends. You have isolated yourself with you bf. This is why he behaves this way, as he knows that you have no where to go. When you get yourself together, you need to have some sort of friend group and no make a man your entire life.

 

It takes a year to get a referral?

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Ohhhhhh, I hope the docs can help with the allergies but also I hope you find the mightiness to ditch this guy. Don't stay with someone who would knowingly and willingly say things to you like "I hate the tone of your voice" or complain about a health issue they don't even have the bear. Who the heck tells someone to get over their allergies? What a jerk off! That's not something you have any control over and as if you would use it as ammo in a fight?!!

 

With your resources being limited, it would be worth calling a domestic violence shelter and seeing if they can help. Do you have a source of income? If not can you get on the dole? You don't have to leave this guy to take steps towards doing that and once that's progressed along hopefully that will give you the reassurance to ditch the bad lover.

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I'm on the dole at the moment ,he says hes sick of my allergies as they have meant ,he's had to get rid of some of his things as they went moldy and he doesn't like it if I tell him to shut his door if he's using chemicals or the fact that we had to get rid of a bed because I was allergic to it ,it was memory foam and it stank the whole house out and I was reacting badly to it, I did buy him another bed from my own money. I bought him some replacement stuff ,he said I'm hard to love because of my allergies.

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Mentally and emotionally abusive..end of. He doesn't need to be hitting you in order to be abusive.

 

You need to find a way to get out. Lack of friends or family to stay with is no reason to remain with this guy. He is awful to you and takes advantage of the fact that you've got nowhere else to go.

 

Do you work? Can you find a place on your own? What about a woman's shelter for now or even to apply for benefits in order to get your own place?

You need to do something to get out of this situation.

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Is blocking my way or hitting me lightly to shut me up abusive? He also says I'm being over sensitive over his comments.

 

Yes. Full stop.

 

Is there a way you can get your own housing? You say you are on benefits, but as we don't know the specifics, it's hard to determine whether you would be able to support yourself on that income.

 

He is a poor excuse for a man.

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You may have to relocate.

 

Are the allergies constant? do you know your triggers?

 

I think that you also need to address the fact that you have no friends. You have isolated yourself with you bf. This is why he behaves this way, as he knows that you have no where to go. When you get yourself together, you need to have some sort of friend group and no make a man your entire life.

 

It takes a year to get a referral?

 

I live in a country that's considered to have one of the highest life qualities and in which health care and everything state supported but you have no idea how hard it is get a doctor appointment or a referral here. I live in a small town here, so it's even more complicated and some specialities doesn't even exist here. So I can believe that the referral is taking a long time. However in her case it seems urgent and it should be faster.

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