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Thread: Annoyed at FIL reluctance to help during childbirth

  1. #1
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    Annoyed at FIL reluctance to help during childbirth

    I am 37 weeks pregnant and this whole time MIL and FIL agreed to watch 2.5 yo DD while we deliver the baby.
    -On Christmas we had an argument which basically entailed MIL boundary stomping.
    We agreed to a break no babysitting in -January but still they would watch DD when we are at the hospital.
    -3 weeks ago MIL had a bad fall and bruised her chest. She is bedridden and cannot eat solids.
    -Yesterray during one of my husbands check up calls FIL said he doesnít feel comfortable to watch DD bc MIL mainly did the caretaking and she canít right now. Basically, told us to find some other child care options for Daughter during delivery.

    We have NO ONE in the area that can watch DD overnight for 2-3 days when Iím in the hospital. I asked husband why FIL feels uncomfortable watching DD and his reasons were that he never changed a diaper, and that he canít keep up with DD and afraid she will get hurt or in trouble.

    As much as I want to be sympathetic I am also sooo stressed bc we baby could come any day and we have no other child care options! I am frustrated at FIL for waiting until NOW to tell us.

    I am mad at FIL but donít know if this is justified or if I should cut him slack.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. If they can not babysit, then they can't babysit. Reach out to all your family now and see who's available. Perhaps you have some friends who could help out. Keep in mind, they are older she is not doing well and he's uncomfortable. Now is the time to start making better babysitting arrangements anyway. Where will your husband be? Does he ever watch the kids?
    Originally Posted by cheriex333
    I asked husband why FIL feels uncomfortable watching DD and his reasons were that he never changed a diaper, and that he canít keep up with DD and afraid she will get hurt or in trouble.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It sounds reasonable on his end, to be honest.

    If he's not changed a diaper and isn't comfortable doing so and knows he can't keep up with a little one whilst taking care of his wife, then his reason is valid.

    I know it puts you in a tough spot but I do think he's being fair.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I'm sorry this has happened. What does it matter if you cut him slack or not? You can't let his decision harm the relationship you, your husband and children will have with him. I'm just curious as to why you don't have girlfriends in the area to help out. Are you new to the area? If possible, start putting your daughter in temporary day care a few hours during the day to get her used to it, if she doesn't already go, and then at least your husband can be with you in the daytime.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Since you really dislike your MIL anyway I am surprised you want them to look after her. Cut the man some slack his wife is really injured. Older people die from falls.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I think it's not fair nor helpful to be mad at FIL. It's probably difficult enough on him, worrying and caring for his wife. He probably could use support right now too, and hopefully he has some. He may have just spoke up now, but if MILs been bedridden for three weeks, it's odd to me your husband and yourself didn't start looking at other options/backup plan put into effect then, as it seems to me an unreasonable burden to put on a man in his circumstances.

    I know you are stressed and very pregnant, so let's work the problem as is: arrangements so your child is looked after while you give birth.

  8. #7
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Time to look into daycares.

  9. #8
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    Thanks everyone for your perspective. I admit itís good to hear from third person since. To answer a few questions, they both kept assuring us after MIL fell they will be able to keep DD- I guess her condition worsened or hasnít improved so FIL just told us yesterday they canít do it.

    DD goes to a daycare center and I do have friends but the center doesnít do overnights (7:30-5pm) and my friends all work/have their own kids commitments.

    I guess I was more upset than my husband, and didnít get why they waited until im 9 months, now we are in a bind. DH Said his dad never changed a diaper (he married MIL when hubby was 8) and never took care of small kids by himself. I didnít understand why FIL canít just suck it up for a couple of days. But anyways Iím going to see if other relatives can fly in before the birth.

  10. #9
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    Why canít your husband look after her at night ?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Sorry but I think your FIL is actually being responsible here. At the time your MIL fell, they might have thought it's no big deal, she'll recover quickly, but if it's been three weeks and she is still bed ridden, that's pretty serious and your husband should be concerned about his parents' welfare at this point rather than looking to them to help you. A two year old child is quite a handful, so no, there is no suck it up for FIL if he is busy taking care of his wife, worried about her well being and knows he can't be running after the child constantly to ensure she doesn't get hurt too.

    Either ask your friends or ask other relatives. When a good friend of mine was in a similar bind, I took care of her child and I don't babysit generally speaking. However, life happens, you make exceptions. Point being don't assume and don't be afraid to ask your friends. You might find that you have plenty of help out there.

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