Just because we miss them does not mean they are good for us

I think it helps to remember that during this breakup, our feelings of pain, wanting to get back to the way things were, and yearning to be with them again are all perfectly normal.

Those feelings, however, do not mean that the relationship is good for us. Those feelings do not mean that we should act out on them.

Things have changed and we cannot go back to the way things were when they were good. It is best for us to acknowledge the reality now and deal with the situation now.

Let’s list down the reasons why the relationship wasn’t working, so we can remind ourselves that the best thing for us is to really move on.

Absolutely true! I made the mistake of being involved with a woman who was separated and going through a divorce. We were together for about 7 months and it was incredible to say the least! I long to be with her and some days I miss her so much, but the pain, depression, and anger I went through when she pulled away and left reminds me that it won't ever be the same. I constantly wonder how someone who was so into me, loving, affectionate, and wanting a long-term relationship so bad can pull away and become cold like we never had anything. I never hurt her in any way. I saw her at work last night and all the feelings and emotions came rushing back like a tidal wave.....even months of no contact. It hurts. Thanks for your words of assurance Audrey.

This is very true especially the part of not acting on the feelings we have. Our relationship didn’t work bc we really aren’t compatible. With any topic on hand, my answer was left and hers was right; mine up and hers down. We never agreed on anything or had the same views. Thank you for reminding me how normal the feelings are and I’m not just a crazy person that can’t let go

I would extend what you said to this... "just because we are lonely and want something" does NOT mean the first person that becomes available and willing ot b there for us, and us thus wanting to jump in with them - does not mean we should jump in with them.

this is called the REBOUND STAGE. And in the rebound stage we obviously have a void to fill and we typically jump at the first willing person as an opportunity to fill those voids (people we would never be with otherwise when we have our full capacities).

NEVER jump into a relationship during the REBOUND STAGE. NEVER! Whether it's our ex- or anybody else. Just don't get involved when you're in rebound.

I've heard it helps to make a stack of index cards and on each one list one reason the relationship was not healthful for you, then go through the stack.

I’m going to do this. Thank you.