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Jetta

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For a subsidized apartment. It's in my ideal location, was recommended to me by the housing consultant as a really nice place. Haven't seen it yet, but I'm at the top of the list! I was excited, however mom is begging me not to move because I help her, financially and other ways. I need to get out on my own but I'm not even sure I can afford subsidized.

 

I've prayed about it and know God wants me moving out. My brother doesn't want me to. My mom doesn't want me to, threatening to disown me. My psychiatrist wants me to. Calls my mom bad for not wanting me to. Do I just do it anyway because it's what best for my growth and development?

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That's a very tough call because it pulls at your heart strings. How old are you? Can you afford it? Can you still help your family if needed? I say that not because they should be dependent on you, but because you may feel too much guilt to enjoy the move if you have to go under unpleasant and upsetting conditions. They are fearful of losing you and that's understandable. but your family should give you wings. Is there a way to address their concerns?

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I pay my mom rent about 500 a month including money I owe her from borrowing for a scam. My therapist thinks she's taking money she talked me into losing and she should suffer the loss. Mom says since I'm out of the trust she will tell my brother not to pay me anything if I leave. She is always trying to control with money. She says she will have to leave her house vacant if I leave, than says she will advertise my room to rent and kick me out when it gets rented. It's emotional blackmail.

 

I don't know how to deal with her regarding this, and honestly need a therapy session to work through it.

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Don't take the new place if you're not sure you can afford it.

 

Didn't you pre-emptively move out before and your mom had to end up bailing you out financially or something like that?

 

Don't get yourself locked into a lease you may be unable to honor.

 

What happened with your music career? Anything happening there? What about any of the jobs you applied for, any updates on those?

 

BTW, I don't think God would want you to get yourself into financial trouble.

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Don't take the new place if you're not sure you can afford it.

 

Didn't you pre-emptively move out before and your mom had to end up bailing you out financially or something like that?

 

Don't get yourself locked into a lease you may be unable to honor.

 

What happened with your music career? Anything happening there? What about any of the jobs you applied for, any updates on those?

 

BTW, I don't think God would want you to get yourself into financial trouble.

 

I have a job. I was on vacation. Currently music wise working on creating a demo and waiting for contest results. I did move out preemptively and yes mom ultimately had to rescue me. But I wasn't taking meds and stopped seeing a psychiatrist so I couldn't get in when I knew I needed help so I broke down. I learned from my mistake. I just went through my budget and can afford it but won't be able to save for 6 months. While I pay my mom and brother back. For the previous poster I am 44 almost 45.

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Will all of your money be going to rent and household and personal expenses?

 

Will you have a cushion each month in case of emergencies?

 

I am currently renting for well below what I can afford because I am building up my savings accounts. Trust me, I feel a lot less anxious knowing I have 3 full months expenses saved up just in case.

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I was saving but Christmas ate most of it and vacation ate the rest. It's subsidized which means 30% of my income goes towards rent. The rest of my money goes to food, gas, bills, and part of those bills is paying back my mom and brother, which is nearly paid off. Rent to my mom is about 15% of my income, 30% is a jump.

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Hi Jetta! I wanted to let you know that you should remove the link to your YouTube video that you put in a previous post. Clicking on it leads to all kinds of personal information about you. You should ask a moderator to have it removed right away. Please be careful about what you link to on here. I’m sure you would prefer to remain anonymous on here, since you’re pouring your heart out and talking about private matters.

 

Good luck with the new apartment if you can afford it!

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Bolt has wise advise here... Though I'm sure it's tempting. Perhaps use this as the motivation you need for a future opportunity. Day by day do one thing at least to save or make money or progress towards your goal of moving out. You'd be surprised how much you can accomplish that way

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For example, today my car broke down. It's going to cost a minimum of $380 (deductible plus diagnostic fee) and possibly as much as $1200. If I was spending every cent on rent, utilities and food and had nothing left over this could be a disaster. Instead, the money will come out of my savings account.

 

Jetta, what would happen if you had an unexpected $1200 bill you had to pay immediately?

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Either put it on a credit card or ask my brother to help.

 

Nope. if you move out, you need to stand as a responsible adult once and for all. you blame your mother AGAIN when the biggest scam was the latest man you married who took you for every penny and left you with loans. You need to look yourself in the eye and own that you are the sole person that causes your own problems - not your brother, mother, etc. If you move out, do you have some money saved, with a legitimate income also so that you can handle more than just your bills? Two minutes ago, you talked of moving out of state? your mother may not be ideal, but she makes you accountable - she does her darnedest so that you don't do anything else that's impulsive or stupid. Will you get to see your daughter more with this apartment?

 

If you can say confidentaly that you have the income to pay for the apartment PLUS utilities out of your income every month PLUS have money for groceries and some saved for emergencies - then maybe - but if you go off on another tangeant and it doesn't work out -- there is a limit of how many times mom will bail you out. People have a rope that is only so long ...and they are done. if you succeed they will have respect, but if you fail, i can understand why they would refuse to bail you out

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Either put it on a credit card or ask my brother to help.

 

Sorry, but that doesn't seem like a sound financial plan.

 

Why do you have to move out right away? You haven't seemed to ever allow any of your plans to take shape before you jump to the next one. Are you an impatient person?

 

Sometimes we have to wait a bit for plans to work out. Not just a month or two, but sometimes a year or two.

 

Also, do you honestly think your brother would be happy to give you over a thousand dollars when he's not in favor of you moving out right now? Does he know you intend to ask him for money if you get into financial trouble and is he on board with that?

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Sorry, but that doesn't seem like a sound financial plan.

 

Why do you have to move out right away? You haven't seemed to ever allow any of your plans to take shape before you jump to the next one. Are you an impatient person?

 

Sometimes we have to wait a bit for plans to work out. Not just a month or two, but sometimes a year or two.

 

Also, do you honestly think your brother would be happy to give you over a thousand dollars when he's not in favor of you moving out right now? Does he know you intend to ask him for money if you get into financial trouble and is he on board with that?

 

I would save as much money as you can, even if you have a jar and throw your change in, or even put $1 in every day to start yourself or automatically transfer a certain amount into savings every week.

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I went through a budget that includes all expenses. Things you don't normally think of. I won't have the expendable income I'm used to. I've even talked to my daughter about it. I could possibly see her more since she is not wanting to come to grandma's. Daughter did come over one day to play cards.

 

That side wants me on my own, daughter has said she doesn't like how grandma treats me. I have little rental history. Lived with mom a lot. And she talked me into a scam thinking her best friend texted her about this grant money. Cleaned out my savings and now I'm paying her back 1700. She kept telling me her friend wouldn't lie. I told her I thought it was a scam. I was right.

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Hello Jetta, you certainly have a very important decision to make and from your posts so far, you are taking a lot of the financial parts into consideration. You mention that with your mom, your housing is 15% and 30% if you move to subsidized housing. Then you have your growth and development to also consider. Wow, lots of heavy duty factors! I'm really glad you are seeing a psychiatrist, which is giving you objective advice. You mention that you had to move back to your mom's because of financial issues so I would strongly recommend that you first get financially stabilized and commit to doing so giving yourself a plan of 3-6 months or however many months you think you need to get financially ready. That would mean really sacrificing and keeping yourself on a strict budget. Is that something you are willing to do? Do you have someone you can trust to keep you accountable to your plan? The subsidized housing is a wonderful idea and is there someway they can postpone that opportunity until you are ready? It would be a shame to lose that, unless you are able to re-apply later on. I truly understand your need to move away, to be independent, but you probably don't want to leave and then have to return again because of poor planning? Please continue to work with your therapist and I hope all works out, blessings

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The application process takes up to 4 months. So that's Aprilish. I'm sure I'll have some savings recouped by than. I decided not to discuss it with mom until I'm approved. They need lots of documents and letters from my psychiatrist . It's a process.

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It's getting real, the idea of moving out. Without the fight its giving me the opportunity to really decide what's best for me.

 

It's lost the fun factor, and got real. Whicg is actually a suggestion from therapy.

 

I spent today completing the application and gathering various requested documents. At mom's I have company, less financial stress, and security.

 

I will retain my services by moving within the county, mom is planning to move to another county meaning setting up new services. I will get into a newly renovated subsidized apartment for disabled and seniors, my daughter might hang out with me at my place rather than avoid Grandma's house. I'll build rental history. Currently very limited.

 

I really need to go inward and decide what's best for me.

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Hi again, Jetta. Sounds like you are getting excited about being on your own and that your psychiatrist is encouraging you. Are you seeing that your plan is solid and workable? Do you see strengths in the plan? What about weaknesses? Just asking to hopefully help you feel comfortable with your plan. Hope all works! blessings

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  • 2 weeks later...

Mom today said she's praying I don't move out. I feel like God really wants me to move. I swear I heard him speak, he said follow me not man. Which to me means have faith things will work out.

 

Well I essentially am approved however I owe money to a prior rental, and have to have a drafted repayment plan to show the subsidized rental by next Tuesday.

 

The place isn't nicer than mom's but it's in my ideal location. All my therapists think moving out is a good idea. My psychiatrist has called her a bad mom for not wanting me to move out. I'm mostly decided to move but it won't be easy. I just don't know how to break it to mom, she really relies on my help around here. But staying is making me resentful, its not something I'm happy to do. I feel like she's holding me back stunting my growth,, and it's making me angry.

 

This is tough and really sucks. Wish I could hold off moving until August/September. My financial situation is better than.

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Can you truly afford this move? Will the added expense of paying the money you still owe to your previous landlord create a hardship?

 

If your emergency financial plan consists of asking your brother for money or loading up your credit cards, that is a very precarious situation.

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Well I have to find out what they will charge me. After deductions it might be about the same as at mom's. My brother is paid off in Sept. Mom paid off in Aug. That's $300 more dollars per month. It might be tight for 5 months.

 

Might try to pay them back sooner. I hate all these bills. Mom always wants me owing her money. I paid her back only for her to get me involved in the scam and loan me money. If she didn't loan it I would have cut out of the scam sooner.

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I'm approved if I get a letter from my former apartment outlining a payment agreement. I have to have the letter Tuesday, I had to send them the payment before they would do the letter. They should have got it today. I'm also working on getting mileage reports, letters from psychiatrist. All other requested documents have been submitted.

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I think that your therapist who says your mom is "bad" for not wanting you to move out doesn't know the full story about your history of moving out, and don't confuse the divine guidance and voices in your head. Moving into an apartment is neither here nor their in regards to following a path towards God or to be beholden to man. If the therapist knew your history, even if they encouraged you to move out, they would acknowledge that mom is RIGHTFULLY concerned due to your past performances of living solo.

 

I'm approved if I get a letter from my former apartment outlining a payment agreement. I have to have the letter Tuesday, I had to send them the payment before they would do the letter. They should have got it today. I'm also working on getting mileage reports, letters from psychiatrist. All other requested documents have been submitted.

 

Do you have enough income to pay backrent to a former rental AND afford this place?

 

Can you pledge to yourself "no dating?"

 

Also, if you really want to do this -- you know that it has to be for good - mom can't be expected to pick up the pieces -- are you prepared for that??

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