Kind of tired of my friend

Hi all. I wanted to post as I'm having issues with a friend of mine.

We have been friends for about 4 years so it's been a while now, but I feel I am slowly starting to get tired of her.

When I first met her we got along really well and we met each other when we were both having rough times in our lives, dealing with guy problems and other life problems. I feel like because of this we made a good connection and supported each other through a lot of things. For example, I gave her emotional support when she went through 2 abortions and when her ex was physically abusing her. I feel like I have always been the one there for her. Although I haven't asked for much from her I know she would be for me as well if I needed her.

Throughout this time that I've been her friend though I've noticed a lot of qualities about her that I don't really like. In the first year that I met her she started dating and living with a guy who was dating someone else. And she knew he was. He started dating a girl and a few days later my friend slept with him and they somehow started dating as well and she fell for him and moved in with him within a month. She expected him to break up with the other girl and he never did. He just strung them both along and eventually they both found out he was dating both of them and hit the fan. During the time they were dating I counselled her through all of it. When he was hitting her, when he was cheating with other girls, when she got pregnant and had the abortion - I gave her advice and she would never listen - I was going through my own things at the time and it was tough trying to handle her situation and mine all the time, but she was always in tears and I'm not the type to abandon someone in need.

After the whole thing blew up she got into another relationship with a not so great guy who also ended up cheating on her. She fell in love with him and he ended up being deported. She cried and cried to me and I helped her through it and I felt for her, but she kept trying to make it work when he cheated on her and wasn't even in the country. She even almost got married to him so he could move back but he eventually got another girlfriend and completely cut her off, so they cancelled the whole marriage (after spending a tone of money first)

She's done some really bad things to friends who shes had for a long time, like constantly talking behind their backs or cutting people off without saying a word because she decides she doesn't like them anymore. She's very y but she can be funny so I feel like she gets away with some of the things she says about people.

I recently got into a relationship with a guy who may not be perfect but he is the sweetest guy on the planet and he treats me better than anyone ever has. As I have been single throughout my entire relationship with this friend I feel as though she is not used to me being happy with someone and I dunno if she is jealous or what but she is acting completely different towards me than before. Me and my boyfriend asked to spend new years with her which she said was fine but she decided to invite my ex up as well and barely spoke to us so we just ended up doing our own thing the entire time to avoid any awkwardness. Earlier today she pretty much mocked me on facebook to a comment i made towards my boyfriend about dates we wanted to go on. I don't even know why she responded to it. Then she proceeds to text me about the issues she's having with her new boyfriend who apparently is now not allowed back into the country and who she told me she doesn't even like. Telling me she's been crying so much and this and that. I'm just getting tired of the drama I'm too old for it and I don't care anymore. I found a guy who's actually nice and she doesn't bother to put in effort with him and yet I've tried with all of her boyfriends who have been total douche bags when she shouldn't have even dated them in the first place. It was okay before when I was dealing with this, but if she's going to act like a complete to me and then expect me to be there to pick up the pieces for her all the time then I'm just done.

Sorry about that rant I'm a little frustrated! Should I bother with this relationship or should I just be done with it? Am I being too harsh?? We have been friends for a long time but I'm starting to wonder if that's enough anymore

Why have you not removed this girl from your life? You dont like her very much, she's not a good friend to you, so why do this to yourself? Doesnt matter if you've been friends for a long time, friends drift apart for many reasons. Time for you to move on from this. There is nothing good or beneficial in this for you.

Sounds like you are looking for someone to support your decision to cut this woman off. You both leaned on each other when you were both having relationship drama and now that things are smooth with your new man she is still stuck in the pattern of 4 years ago. Is it harsh to cut her off? Yes. But if you feel it is necessary don't let guilt keep you connected to her.

If you have outgrown her then just slowly separate from her. If you want to get out of the friendship then do it. Don't make it into a big dramatic breakup where she is the villain in some Lifetime movie. People move in different directions all the time. Just start limiting the time you spend together

I used to think that you owed people loyalty purely because of having known them for a long time, and I put up with all sorts of **** because, well, that's loyalty innit?

Then a few years ago I gently detached from all the people in my life (well, all three of them!) where I felt as though I was being put through a mincer after being in their company for half an hour. Just put them on the Restricted list on social media, didn't make contact and politely but firmly declined any invitation from them to meet. My life has been better since, and one of these was a woman I'd known for thirty years!

Then there are people who are really good fun, bright and energetic, who are nevertheless such messes emotionally that they're best enjoyed from a distance. I had a friend when I was a really messed-up teenager, where we connected because we were both a mess. Then I went into counselling, which put a great strain on the friendship; I finally realised that she liked to set herself up in the role of tragic heroine, with a cast of supporting characters. The final straw was when I refused to listen to her woes any more, told her she was a lovely person but was behaving like her own worst enemy and suggested that, like me, she got some counselling. She hung up the phone on me and we didn't speak for years. We're vaguely in touch now, but I've always made excuses when she wants to meet. I sometimes get reports from people who've worked with her, and they describe her as "Very difficult" or "Mad!" so it doesn't sound as though much has changed.

You choose to take someone else's rubbish on board, and you can just as easily choose not to. My advice is to move on, and don't waste any more time on this woman.

Well said, nutbrownhare! I've backed away from some people in my life who were dragging me down with them. They really arent worth the angst. Your last paragraph sums it up nicely.

Why are you friends with this woman? I don't get it!

She is a cheat, liar, gossip, emotional vampire and a person of very low quality.

People do judge us by who we associate with.

Four years is not that long. I would consider that a newer friend.

Cut this off already. Block and delete her!

A friendship is like any other relationship... and needs to be evaluated as such. We can do the best we can to make it work but if we have done everything we can do, or if their values no longer align with ours, sometimes it's best to let it go.

Thanks so much for the responses guys I really appreciate it. I suppose I am still her friend as I've never really had to cut anyone off before. My friends throughout my life have all been great or I've just distanced from people automatically when they've moved away or we've mutually moved on. I think it is time to let this friendship go though. I've felt this way for a while, but the way she has been acting towards me recently has just tipped me over the edge. It's sad losing a friend, but I'm ready to focus on my own life instead of someone elses drama for a change!

Relationships throughout life are dynamic. They grow and change and fade and alter. Some fade out, new ones zoom in. Accept that lives, people and therefore relationships are dynamic not static, so things constantly change and evolve. This friend can take more of a back seat in your life or just let it fade out.