Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18

Thread: Boyfriend and medical issues

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    12

    Boyfriend and medical issues

    I've had to see my boyfriend in secret for 3 and half months because of work (there is a thread on here) but now we are public.

    He has told me about his medical issues with his arms, He has had attacks of pain (he spasms and wants to scream in pain) at work and I know what to do in an emergency (I've had to help on a date we had)

    He has a GP doctors appointment, followed by a Hospital consultation and a brain scan coming up.

    I want to ask him to come, sit in the waiting room so he isn't alone when he gets there and comes out, if he wants to talk he can talk if not we can just head back. I'm scared of hospitals, I'm not sure if my boyfriend is but with everything going on he might not be too keen on them. So I'd like to go and support him.

    Is it too soon in our relationship? I don't want to go in to the consultation room, I'll wait outside. I just don't want him being alone.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,769
    Gender
    Male
    Wait for him to ask you, don't ask him. You can offer but don't insist or convince. Some people are private about certain things.
    Originally Posted by ShaunaN
    I want to ask him to come, sit in the waiting room so he isn't alone when he gets there and comes out, if he wants to talk he can talk if not we can just head back. I'm scared of hospitals, I'm not sure if my boyfriend is but with everything going on he might not be too keen on them.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,017
    Gender
    Female
    Just tell him you are willing to go the hospital with him for whatever is necessary. Dont make a big deal out if it, just offer to be there if he wants you there. I dont like hospitals either, but you arent the patient, he is.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,492
    Only time my wife has come with me for anything medical was when my lung collapsed. Can't think of any other time I've cared for her to join me. I'd wait to see if he asks you to come, but I don't necessarily think it'd be a terrible move if you wanted to just say, "Lemme know if you want me to come with you or if you need anything." Don't ask him if you can come. That's awkward.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,365
    I agree with the others. It's fine to offer, but then leave it at that. And if he does take you up on it, either now or later, don't make a fuss about it. That can make some people very uncomfortable.

    This reminds me of something I found cute about my bf. He's a sensitive man, but also stubborn as an ox. He took himself in to the hospital late one night. He texted me so I wouldn't wonder where he is, as we live together. I asked him if he wanted me to come down, he said of course not. I said ok, call me if you need me. An hour later I got a call from him, are you busy? I was sleeping, it was the middle of the night lol. But I just said 'nope, want company?'. 'Yup, actually I'm kind of starving'. And that was that. We were there until mid morning, thankfully it was nothing serious.

    I guess my point is some people have a harder time with accepting it even if they want it, so making it simple for them to say yes - and respecting no if that is what they tell you - can be a big build in trust there.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    12
    I get everyones point of view thank you.

    I just don't want him to be alone unnecessarily, if he wants me to bring food in I will. If he wants someone to just hold his hand. I won't make a fuss. He has let me in to his world in regards of what to do during an attack so I thought he might want company going to the hospital.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    12
    Ive just rang him and suggested if he wants me to go with him to appointments I'd be willing to come. He said "I thought you was going to tell me its over, generally thats what people have been doing when they see me have an attack. I've also had two attacks this evening, I didn't want to worry you."

    I don't know how to take it, that he thinks I'd leave him over it or he couldn't tell me. Then on the flip side he says he didn't tell me because he doesnt want to worry me. but I'm worried now.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    london
    Posts
    12,004
    Originally Posted by ShaunaN
    Ive just rang him and suggested if he wants me to go with him to appointments I'd be willing to come. He said "I thought you was going to tell me its over, generally thats what people have been doing when they see me have an attack. I've also had two attacks this evening, I didn't want to worry you."

    I don't know how to take it, that he thinks I'd leave him over it or he couldn't tell me. Then on the flip side he says he didn't tell me because he doesnt want to worry me. but I'm worried now.
    Shauna all he meant was he has expected you to be like his pervious experiences and that after seeing him after an attack you would run for the door ..it is not a slur on you at all ...don't look any futher into this .

    He is as insecure as you .........both of you need to build your self esteem and confidence .

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    london
    Posts
    12,004
    I say that with kindness shauna x

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    7,779
    Yes, it sounds more as though he wants you to be there for him, but was afraid to ask. Tell him that you're happy to be there for him, and give him any support he wants - but that you don't want to intrude either.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •