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Thread: Mums - I Need Your Advice! How Did You Handle Two Babies/Toddlers?

  1. #11
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Best wishes on a continued healthy pregnancy! I have one and my sister had 4 mostly close in age. I would start lining up mother's helpers (teenagers who can come over and help while you are also home) and also make decisions now about your priorities about house cleaning for example - meaning are you ok with lowering your standards, if not, what kind of help can you get to keep your house clean (and other non-child related things like food prep for yourself and husband, etc).

    I also recommend the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen... and Janet Lansbury podcasts and articles (I realize they will be under 2 but I think you'll find some really good tips . Also if you have time watch Super Nanny past shows (yes I know it's a show and I think she and her insight are phenomenal).

    Good luck!
    Hi Batya!

    4 children! Oh my Gawd! Well what is her secret I really need to know?!

    I have a problem Batya with being a bit of a control freak, me and my husband were "discussing" this last night and with me being early pregnant, I am overly emotional anyway so, to top it all off I felt very attacked by him but the long and short of it is I haven't ever left my little boy with anyone but close, immediate family for more than 3 hours so, I am working to try and loosen the grip if you get me. I always worry it's him that will be distressed but it's more me and my feelings really. I am a worrier as well which doesn't help.

    I also find it VERY hard to lower my standards! It kills me. It really stresses me if things aren't perfect. I am a perfectionist by birth I think, I feel like it's in my blood and this is also one of my worries, how on earth can I possibly keep it all up and do it all? I am starting to struggle even with tiredness due to being pregnant and looking after my boy and home and husband and the baby isn't even here yet!

    I will give your book a go.

    Thank you,
    Lo x

  2. #12
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dias
    Well, I can't give you advices but congrats :))
    Thank you Dias!

    We are probably crazy! HA!

    Lo x

  3. #13
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Congrats . 👶
    Thank you Seraphim!

    Lo x

  4. #14
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    My sister is in this boat. The 18 month old loves being a big brother and is a good little "helper".
    Hi abirbroken,

    Lovely to hear from you! How are ya!?

    Ohh and that is so cute! Hahaha! Adorable.

    Lo x

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  6. #15
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    My oldest baby sister had three under 3 until my oldest niece just turned last month. Don't think there was more than a month-long gap between each pregnancy. I thought she was certified crazy, but she owned and loved the inevitable chaos. No advice I can personally offer other than the attitude that worked for her. I did buy her a couple of scientifically-based books on children's developmental psychology to help ground expectations of behaviors and cognitive limitations as they vary particularly wildly each year from infancy to adolescence, and she's at least claimed (granted, could be her being nice) it's helped tailor her thresholds and approaches to each of them.

    The girls definitely have their quirks but are pretty amazingly well-mannered. My sister's got skin that's a good 10 inches thick, but she is human. She is fortunate to have incredibly supportive in-laws (they're located near her husband's family), so I'm sure they deserve a chunk of the credit. But I'm sure you'll do great. Best of luck and congratulations.

    ETA: She's due for a fourth in May. So it'll be four under 4. I take back the "thought" she was certified crazy. She definitely is. Honestly, if you want me to ask her for any advice to relay, I'd be more than happy to.
    Hi j.man,

    Thank you so much for this reply, and your offer to ask your sister! Y'know, if you could, it would mean a lot to me, if you have the time of course. I am really desperate for anyones experience on this. I mean, how on earth did she do it?!? How does she do it?!?! What's her home like? What's her mental state like! Did she set out for that many so close on purpose?

    And also, I know this sounds completely superficial but I am a small minded woman after all who thinks only of these things ;) but, how on earth is her figure after 4 so close?!

    Thank you, please ask if you can

    Lo x

  7. #16
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Congrats.
    May I ask, what are you scared of? Real question, what are your fears, as maybe it will help to talk about it.

    As you know, I'm not a mom. I do have tonnes of experience caring for children though, since I was young. It's not difficult , it's just takes being present . And you took to motherhood like a duck to water.

    You've got this.
    Itsallgrand!

    So nice to hear from you!

    Well, I am scared because, I guess, the unknown? And, the idea of this struggle that I think most other people and our western culture perpetuates about more children.

    My millennial generation are, I think, generally very pessimistic about children. Why have them? Waste of resources! I'm not ready yet. Always not ready, which makes everyone else think you have to have this somehow perfect situation of total perfection in order to even THINK about it! So, people I know look at me like I'm crazy when my situation is probably quite common, just not in my circle.

    I think it's lovely that you say I have taken to it like a duck to water - I really hope that is true. I struggle almost daily inside my own mind sometimes about little silly things and I beat myself up often too, about how I could've gone the extra mile here or, I could've done more housework there etc but I guess that's my personality talking.

    Do you have any practical advice on schedule when dealing with more than 1, especially young? Newborn stage! Lack of sleep all over again plus a near 2 year old is giving me the fear, not going to lie.

    Lo x

  8. #17
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mylolita
    Hi Batya!

    4 children! Oh my Gawd! Well what is her secret I really need to know?!

    I have a problem Batya with being a bit of a control freak, me and my husband were "discussing" this last night and with me being early pregnant, I am overly emotional anyway so, to top it all off I felt very attacked by him but the long and short of it is I haven't ever left my little boy with anyone but close, immediate family for more than 3 hours so, I am working to try and loosen the grip if you get me. I always worry it's him that will be distressed but it's more me and my feelings really. I am a worrier as well which doesn't help.

    I also find it VERY hard to lower my standards! It kills me. It really stresses me if things aren't perfect. I am a perfectionist by birth I think, I feel like it's in my blood and this is also one of my worries, how on earth can I possibly keep it all up and do it all? I am starting to struggle even with tiredness due to being pregnant and looking after my boy and home and husband and the baby isn't even here yet!

    I will give your book a go.

    Thank you,
    Lo x
    The thing is it is more horrible for you. Babies adjust to caregivers far more easily than you think they do . I own my own daycare and have worked with children for more than 20 years . The tighter the grip you have on the child the harder the situation . I have one mom like that who has a death grip on her child . But believe me the child adjusted itís mom who hasnít . And sheís just making her own life miserable . Her child is fine and happy all day . You can do it !!! I have 4 toddlers and 1 infant from 6:45 AM to 5 PM.

    And I do know it is hard to let go of your child . I only ever let my mom look after my own . But really it only causes myhem to your own life as long as they are vetted people your child will most likely be OK .

  9. #18
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I have one mom who drops her toddler to me a few days a week so she has time for her newborn.

  10. #19
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    I personally never felt the need to leave my child as a baby with anyone else -we had a sitter (family friend and later a sitter) a handful of times at night and he was fine, and at age 3 he went to part time preschool 5 days/week and at age 4-5 he had a part time mother's helper (one of my relatives) over the summers. I worked at daycare, and taught, and nannied for years before having children and loved those kids and cared for them with all my best efforts and intentions. And that is how I felt before I had a child (that I wanted to be the full time caregiver at least for the early years- I was with him full time till he was 7 -other than he was in school and camp).

    If I'd had to work before he started school of course I would have had a nanny, daycare -whatever we needed to do - but before preschool I didn't see a need based on my child, my education background, to leave him with a nanny/sitter "just because" or for socialization. And we had no family to watch him either. He was around a lot of other adults while I was there - I took him out all the time -we rarely stayed at home -the library, museums, the playground every day -where he was around other adults and kids and the librarian, art teacher, sometimes a music class ,etc. After age 3 I thought it was important for him to go to some sort of school and he did (at age 4 it was a full school day and has been ever since). I thought it was very important for him to treat other adults with respect so he had many teachers, counselors at camp, etc and when it comes to respect he does really, really well.

    I know there are parents who find it important that their babies/toddlers be cared for by other people, that socialization is important before age 2 or 3 and to them I say -yes! Whatever works for you and your family - and whatever it's based on -science, a whim, anything in between - you are the parent, you know what's best.

    If i could do anything different I might have done a "mom's morning out" a few times -in that way yes I was "overprotective" because in my years of child caring and while he was a baby I saw plenty of questionable and bad practices with young children who wouldn't have been able to tell their parents. Leaving him with moms I'd just me didn't seem right for me or my family. And it would have been very difficult for me to get him there and back in our situation. I would suggest a mother's helper while you are in the house a few hours a week or so so you can shower in peace, drink coffee that is actually hot, whatever you need. Happy to PM.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I thought I had replied to this? Probably mentally replied and thought I had.

    Anyhow, loads of congrats!

    As for advice, try to keep a routine and don't be afraid to ask for help. Once again, congratulations.x

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