Jump to content

Not sure what to do - do I leave it or see what happens


michkath

Recommended Posts

I’m feeling abit unsure 😐

Like do I stay and see what happens

Or do I walk away

 

Me and this guy are only dating

We haven’t had that chat about being official or anything

 

I just not sure if his that into me. I suggest things to do and his always like

Not for me sorry thanks. But anything he likes I’m always up for it.

I also message him asking about his day or my day his reply is always ‘ fair ‘

My cousin see them and was like blimey that’s quiet rude

When I also mention sexual things he doesn’t really seem to batter an eyelid and I’m wondering is he even sexually attracted to me anymore? ( we haven’t had sex yet but we have done bits.

) Iv invited him to stay aswell few times he says sorry can’t.

We have a hotel thing paid for we was doing in March and my cousin said maybe that be time when things get official but I just don’t even know :/

 

I am bad for putting my eggs in one basket when I feel vibes. I know I shouldn’t do that.

But I can’t help it.

 

Please be nice. Just want advice.

 

Is it too early to tell keep at it see what happens? Or walk the away.

Link to comment

Well, Does he take you out, does he show you that he values you, is he seeing you consistently, is he in contact regularly, has he introduced you to his friends or family yet? How long have you been "only dating?"

 

More info would be helpful in 'guessing' knowing the answer to the questions rather than just going on what you've said.

Link to comment

I'm afraid that I don't think he's very interested anymore, OP

 

A guy who is into you but needs to decline your invitation for whatever reason would likely follow up with something like, "Sorry, I have plans for X day, but are you free on Y day?" or "that sounds great, let's try meeting on Z day to make up for it."

 

How long have you been seeing him?

Link to comment
Well, Does he take you out, does he show you that he values you, is he seeing you consistently, is he in contact regularly, has he introduced you to his friends or family yet? How long have you been "only dating?"

 

More info would be helpful in 'guessing' knowing the answer to the questions rather than just going on what you've said.

 

We’ve been texting since February on and off but due to health issues hospital etc Iv not been able to date

 

So

Dating him since October

 

So no parents have been intruduced yet. We’ve spoken about it but it hasn’t happened yet.

His met some of my friends. Not all them

 

 

X x

Link to comment
But anything he likes I’m always up for it.
Then I suggest that you stop always being available, that you let him initiate dates or texting and that you see, if he actually wonders where you got to. If he doesn't, well then you'll know for sure that he's just not into you.

 

In the meantime, start dating others and keep your options open.

Link to comment
Then I suggest that you stop always being available, that you let him initiate dates or texting and that you see, if he actually wonders where you got to. If he doesn't, well then you'll know for sure that he's just not into you.

 

In the meantime, start dating others and keep your options open.

 

Yeah good shout xxx

Link to comment

I'm afraid he does seem to have lost interest... a man who is interested in you will be quite obvious about it... will want to spend time with you, will want to be affectionate with you, and will want to get to know what you like as much as you do for him.

 

He seems like a difficult man that doesn't want to put any energy into a reciprocal relationship... relationships are work but shouldn't be this much work and it shouldn't be all on one person!

Link to comment

Is this long distance? Have you spent much time together in person? Stop texting this much and stop chasing this much. Let him initiate and do not try building rapport with too much texting. Is he dating others? Frankly he sounds a a wet blanket, cranky downer. Why bother with that?

We’ve been texting since February on and off but due to health issues hospital etc Iv not been able to date. Dating him since October
Link to comment

I'm leaning in the direction of no longer interested.

 

He cancels and doesn't seem to prioritize seeing you.

He doesn't really engage in any form of communication in between dates (this is a hard one to judge on)

He is not interested in anything you'd be interested in doing (this can be a hard judge depending on your interests)

He doesn't seem to want to discuss more serious topics, such as those of a sexual nature, though this isn't the easiest conversation to have, particularly over text.

 

I do think you'd be better off if you tone down your level of contacting him and see if he steps up. He probably won't. I don't mean this in a game-playing way, which it could come across as, but if he's not a major texter, you need to work around this and learn a new comfort zone. Hopefully he learns to increase his efforts as well...if the feeling is mutual. I'm going to make the assumption that a lot of your reaching out to him is a fishing expedition for another date...see if he brings it up. It's not a fun place to be, and why this is a good idea to tone down your efforts.

 

I would also cancel this sex-plan you have in March. If he's this lackadaisical and you can't really discuss your relationship and exclusivity, etc., then this needs to be pushed back until he can or until he's ready. If you cancel, it might also cause him to fall off the planet or ghost or break up, so you have your answer. Not the one you want, but an answer just the same.

 

I can't say whether or not you should end it or see how it goes. If you wait it out a little more, I do think you need to take a step back and lower your expectations and think long and hard if this guy is offering you the relationship that YOU want. If he's not behaving in a way that works for you, then you can break up with him and know that at least you tried and he just wasn't into it.

 

The breakdown of time - you met last February online (?) but due to your health issues, you hadn't actually met for 8-9 months. That's a long time to text and he's gone on with his life. How are your health issues now, and are these issues that your BF or husband will have to take on long-term? That's a difficult thing to consider. Being on this "sorry I can't" texting thing for 8 months isn't the best sign either. I've been on the receiving end of that one...which I will no longer do. It usually means the guy is not interested and of course could be catfishing, married, or a fraud. The one I texted with for so long lived so close, it was absolutely insane there was "no time to meet." I think he liked the idea of dating, but didn't want to actually date, though being married or in a bizarre mother/son relationship wasn't taken off the list of possibilities.

 

You started meeting up just before the holidays, so again, I find myself thinking...now that the holidays are over, will things improve? Why is this plan set in motion for March-Hotel, but it's hard to find time to see him before that, and why is he never interested in anything you'd like to do? Is it expensive? Does it require huge lengths of time? Is it so off the grid of his personal interests, he can't really agree to do it?

 

I'm still leaning in he's not interested, but if you want to slow down your own pace and see if he steps up, don't prolong it too long and don't get involved with sex.

Link to comment

Thank you guys

For the advice

Iv taken it on board

Today I haven’t contacted him at all

I’m stepping back to see if he will contact me

 

He has been moaning about ‘ dry January ‘ so perhaps could be another reason why his been so weird with me and kinda lost interest who knows. I don’t know.

 

We have stuff booked in for February / March so we will see what happens

 

I need to date other people aswell

But when I like someone even with dating I’m quiet loyal and put all my attention into one person. But maybe I need to stop that incase his dating someone else and it doesn’t work out.

 

 

X x x

Link to comment
He has been moaning about ‘ dry January ‘ so perhaps could be another reason why his been so weird with me and kinda lost interest who knows. I don’t know.

 

Girl, no. Please don't start grasping at straws like this.

 

A guy who likes you and wants to be with you isn't going to be "weird" with you because he's laying off the booze for a few weeks. Unless he's an actual alcoholic and going through withdrawals, you're really reaching with that as a possible explanation for his behaviour.

 

I don't know what you have planned for the next couple months with him, but I don't think you should count on it going the way you'd hoped.

Link to comment
I need to date other people aswell

But when I like someone even with dating I’m quiet loyal and put all my attention into one person. But maybe I need to stop that incase his dating someone else and it doesn’t work out.

 

I might catch some flack for this, but until things are exclusive I always think it's a good idea to keep dating, exploring other options.

 

Maybe it's just some swiping and chatting on an app, or a little meet up that is nice but doesn't have the vibes. No biggie. Just allows you to keep your feet on the ground, to not get too carried away in the crush stage, and to remember that the person you're most interested is just on of many—an option, and only a viable one if he/she shares your level of interest.

Link to comment
I might catch some flack for this, but until things are exclusive I always think it's a good idea to keep dating, exploring other options.

 

Maybe it's just some swiping and chatting on an app, or a little meet up that is nice but doesn't have the vibes. No biggie. Just allows you to keep your feet on the ground, to not get too carried away in the crush stage, and to remember that the person you're most interested is just on of many—an option, and only a viable one if he/she shares your level of interest.

 

I agree completely. Dating is for dating. Date date date.

 

The unspoken reality is, this may mean no sex. Because it can be messy to have sex and multidate. It may be tough to think about, but its worth the effort.

Link to comment
I agree completely. Dating is for dating. Date date date.

 

The unspoken reality is, this may mean no sex. Because it can be messy to have sex and multidate. It may be tough to think about, but its worth the effort.

 

Or it can be really fun to have sex and multidate!

 

Kidding! Sort of! I don’t multi and tell...

 

Anyhow, I do think going on some other dates/exploring options can be really good in these situations. Like, let’s say dude is into her, but just hiccuping a bit, for whatever reason, and he’s a week or two away from coming back around? Well, those are long days when they’re spent obsessing and posting about things, but shorter days when they’re spent having a beer with a nice dude or two. Then when dude swings back around you’re not in a knot—and if he continues to drift, who cares? You’re still remembering that there are other nice dudes out there.

Link to comment
Or it can be really fun to have sex and multidate!

 

Kidding! Sort of! I don’t multi and tell...

 

Anyhow, I do think going on some other dates/exploring options can be really good in these situations. Like, let’s say dude is into her, but just hiccuping a bit, for whatever reason, and he’s a week or two away from coming back around? Well, those are long days when they’re spent obsessing and posting about things, but shorter days when they’re spent having a beer with a nice dude or two. Then when dude swings back around you’re not in a knot—and if he continues to drift, who cares? You’re still remembering that there are other nice dudes out there.

 

Agree on all points. ! ;)

Link to comment

I’m not rushing into having sex with this guy.

If / when it happens it happens.

Iv re opened my dating apps as we are not exclusive we haven’t had that chat so you are right I have to branch out even if it’s just a date nothing sexual.

 

I haven’t contacted him since Saturday. As we was meant to meet but he cancelled. So I kinda left it at that. See if he would reach out to me. He hasn’t as of yet.

 

He rang me other day as I was upset about a accident and he was really worried. So I appreciated that.

He travels around the country for his job so I don’t get to see him much either. And that does suck to be honest.

But I have always said oh well it’s job. But effort when not working would be a little nicer. Seems like his loosing some kind of interest. And I don’t like to be one those nagging girls always on the phone as I’m sure that would push him even more away.

 

X x

Link to comment
Does he have an alcohol problem? Why does he travel this much, what's his occupation? He sounds like more trouble than he's worth. It's good you're still looking around. Have you read this book? He’s Just Not That Into You

 

Lmao!

No he doesn’t have a drinking problem where did you get from?

 

Dry January means we’re both skint 😂 after Xmas. Doesn’t mean drinking all the time ‘ dry January ‘ Can also mean dry wallets.

Link to comment

That's odd. Is "broke" the definition for it where you are? What did he mean by it?

 

"Dry January is a public health campaign urging people to abstain from alcohol for the month of January, particularly practised in the United Kingdom. It is generally accepted where the New Year starts mid-week the Dry January commences the following Monday, allowing for a debaucherous start to the year before abstinence.

 

The campaign, as a formal entity, appears to be relatively recent, being described as having "sprung up in recent years" even in 2014. However, the Finnish government had launched a campaign called "Sober January" in 1942 as part of its war effort. The term "Dry January" was registered as a trademark by the charity Alcohol Concern in mid-2014; the first ever Dry January campaign by Alcohol Concern occurred in January 2013. In the leadup to the January 2015 campaign, for the first time Alcohol Concern partnered with Public Health England.

 

In January 2014, according to Alcohol Concern, which initiated the campaign, over 17,000 Britons stopped drinking for that month. While there is controversy as to the efficacy and benefits of the practice, a 2014 survey by the University of Sussex found that six months following January 2014, out of 900 surveyed participants in the custom, 72% had "kept harmful drinking episodes down" and 4% were still not drinking."

Link to comment

Got a text from him today

 

‘ sorry Iv been in such strange mood recently ‘

🤷🏼♀️

 

Thought he’d been distant with me & lost interest. I knew something up.

Perhaps dry January ( dry wallets ) as we both mentioned it other day about buying something not drinking issue lol.

 

I really don’t know.

 

I said I hope nothing bads happened and he said no not at all. So just said I hope you sleep well & here if you need anything. And he said thanks.

 

🤷🏼♀️ No idea 💡

 

Maybe he is down in dumps so how. Or lost interest I don’t know. But I’m not gonna be on his case all time let me kinda deal this issue on his own.

Link to comment

It may be best to give up on this. He keeps claiming he has all sorts of reasons not to bother dating and all sorts of reasons he's such a downer and wet blanket. Why bother with this? Also don't act like a gf, friend, therapist, etc. with statements such as "here if you need anything". Try just moving on and phase this guy out. He has little to zero interest and is wasting your time.

Got a text from him today

 

‘ sorry Iv been in such strange mood recently ‘

🤷🏼♀️

Maybe he is down in dumps so how. Or lost interest I don’t know. But I’m not gonna be on his case all time let me kinda deal this issue on his own.

Link to comment

For decades I have worked in an industry that requires travel. As my colleagues have settled into specific paths, I find that some of us choose situations that make it hard to get deeply close to someone else. My exH was this way; now for perhaps the first time since we met, he has secured a job that will allow him to be home most of the time. He is deeply avoidant; he is running out of the energy necessary to keep running away from his home life. I am talking about someone nearing retirement: most of his life, his job kept him away from other responsibilities.

 

At some level, this his choice, even as he complained about the hardship.

 

Forget about what is on this guy's plate: all that matters is "Does it work for me?" It could; it might; as it is now, it doesn't, except as a meaningless distraction.

 

Focus on your own path. If/when this guy raises his hand, spend time with him if you want. Or don't. My guess is, your future will turn out the same either way.

Link to comment

So

 

I haven’t text him or anything and have been back on the dating apps like you guys have suggested and so has my cousin

 

And he asked me out on a date tonight :/

 

I declined the date said ‘ Saddly I can’t make it ‘ perhaps another time

 

He said oh ok no worries

 

I didn’t feel I wanted to go as Iv been abit upset with his ‘ moods ‘

 

I hope I did the right thing by being polite no texts and declined the offer

 

I still really like him tho. It’s very hard 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️😂😂

 

🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...