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Thread: Not sure what to do - do I leave it or see what happens

  1. #1
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    Not sure what to do - do I leave it or see what happens

    Iím feeling abit unsure 😐
    Like do I stay and see what happens
    Or do I walk away

    Me and this guy are only dating
    We havenít had that chat about being official or anything

    I just not sure if his that into me. I suggest things to do and his always like
    Not for me sorry thanks. But anything he likes Iím always up for it.
    I also message him asking about his day or my day his reply is always Ď fair Ď
    My cousin see them and was like blimey thatís quiet rude
    When I also mention sexual things he doesnít really seem to batter an eyelid and Iím wondering is he even sexually attracted to me anymore? ( we havenít had sex yet but we have done bits.
    ) Iv invited him to stay aswell few times he says sorry canít.
    We have a hotel thing paid for we was doing in March and my cousin said maybe that be time when things get official but I just donít even know :/

    I am bad for putting my eggs in one basket when I feel vibes. I know I shouldnít do that.
    But I canít help it.

    Please be nice. Just want advice.

    Is it too early to tell keep at it see what happens? Or walk the away.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Well, Does he take you out, does he show you that he values you, is he seeing you consistently, is he in contact regularly, has he introduced you to his friends or family yet? How long have you been "only dating?"

    More info would be helpful in 'guessing' knowing the answer to the questions rather than just going on what you've said.

  3. #3
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    I'm afraid that I don't think he's very interested anymore, OP

    A guy who is into you but needs to decline your invitation for whatever reason would likely follow up with something like, "Sorry, I have plans for X day, but are you free on Y day?" or "that sounds great, let's try meeting on Z day to make up for it."

    How long have you been seeing him?

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Well, Does he take you out, does he show you that he values you, is he seeing you consistently, is he in contact regularly, has he introduced you to his friends or family yet? How long have you been "only dating?"

    More info would be helpful in 'guessing' knowing the answer to the questions rather than just going on what you've said.
    Weíve been texting since February on and off but due to health issues hospital etc Iv not been able to date

    So
    Dating him since October

    So no parents have been intruduced yet. Weíve spoken about it but it hasnít happened yet.
    His met some of my friends. Not all them


    X x
    Last edited by michkath; 01-19-2019 at 06:42 PM.

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  6. #5
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    MissCanuck
    Yeah youíre right!!
    We was meant to meet yesterday & today
    And I got some reasons why he couldnít.
    So Iím abit unsure now if his lost interest.
    Or see what happens. X

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    But anything he likes Iím always up for it.
    Then I suggest that you stop always being available, that you let him initiate dates or texting and that you see, if he actually wonders where you got to. If he doesn't, well then you'll know for sure that he's just not into you.

    In the meantime, start dating others and keep your options open.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Then I suggest that you stop always being available, that you let him initiate dates or texting and that you see, if he actually wonders where you got to. If he doesn't, well then you'll know for sure that he's just not into you.

    In the meantime, start dating others and keep your options open.
    Yeah good shout xxx

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I'm afraid he does seem to have lost interest... a man who is interested in you will be quite obvious about it... will want to spend time with you, will want to be affectionate with you, and will want to get to know what you like as much as you do for him.

    He seems like a difficult man that doesn't want to put any energy into a reciprocal relationship... relationships are work but shouldn't be this much work and it shouldn't be all on one person!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this long distance? Have you spent much time together in person? Stop texting this much and stop chasing this much. Let him initiate and do not try building rapport with too much texting. Is he dating others? Frankly he sounds a a wet blanket, cranky downer. Why bother with that?
    Originally Posted by michkath
    Weíve been texting since February on and off but due to health issues hospital etc Iv not been able to date. Dating him since October

  11. #10
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    I'm leaning in the direction of no longer interested.

    He cancels and doesn't seem to prioritize seeing you.
    He doesn't really engage in any form of communication in between dates (this is a hard one to judge on)
    He is not interested in anything you'd be interested in doing (this can be a hard judge depending on your interests)
    He doesn't seem to want to discuss more serious topics, such as those of a sexual nature, though this isn't the easiest conversation to have, particularly over text.

    I do think you'd be better off if you tone down your level of contacting him and see if he steps up. He probably won't. I don't mean this in a game-playing way, which it could come across as, but if he's not a major texter, you need to work around this and learn a new comfort zone. Hopefully he learns to increase his efforts as well...if the feeling is mutual. I'm going to make the assumption that a lot of your reaching out to him is a fishing expedition for another date...see if he brings it up. It's not a fun place to be, and why this is a good idea to tone down your efforts.

    I would also cancel this sex-plan you have in March. If he's this lackadaisical and you can't really discuss your relationship and exclusivity, etc., then this needs to be pushed back until he can or until he's ready. If you cancel, it might also cause him to fall off the planet or ghost or break up, so you have your answer. Not the one you want, but an answer just the same.

    I can't say whether or not you should end it or see how it goes. If you wait it out a little more, I do think you need to take a step back and lower your expectations and think long and hard if this guy is offering you the relationship that YOU want. If he's not behaving in a way that works for you, then you can break up with him and know that at least you tried and he just wasn't into it.

    The breakdown of time - you met last February online (?) but due to your health issues, you hadn't actually met for 8-9 months. That's a long time to text and he's gone on with his life. How are your health issues now, and are these issues that your BF or husband will have to take on long-term? That's a difficult thing to consider. Being on this "sorry I can't" texting thing for 8 months isn't the best sign either. I've been on the receiving end of that one...which I will no longer do. It usually means the guy is not interested and of course could be catfishing, married, or a fraud. The one I texted with for so long lived so close, it was absolutely insane there was "no time to meet." I think he liked the idea of dating, but didn't want to actually date, though being married or in a bizarre mother/son relationship wasn't taken off the list of possibilities.

    You started meeting up just before the holidays, so again, I find myself thinking...now that the holidays are over, will things improve? Why is this plan set in motion for March-Hotel, but it's hard to find time to see him before that, and why is he never interested in anything you'd like to do? Is it expensive? Does it require huge lengths of time? Is it so off the grid of his personal interests, he can't really agree to do it?

    I'm still leaning in he's not interested, but if you want to slow down your own pace and see if he steps up, don't prolong it too long and don't get involved with sex.

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